4 ms·

I actually struggle with this a bit. I tend to assume positive intent, which means I suffer fools, and sometimes assholes. It's probably as simple as setting bo

I actually struggle with this a bit. I tend to assume positive intent, which means I suffer fools, and sometimes assholes. It's probably as simple as setting boundaries and standing up for myself, but anyone have more helpful suggestions?

afarrell 5y ago
Assuming positive intent is generally good, but it is not very specific. So it can be wise to follow it with a step of clarifying intent. If I assume you intend to make me a delicious soup, that is still quite dangerous to me if your intent is to make me a delicious shrimp gumbo -- You do not generally intend me harm, but to achieve that intent we need to communicate about my specific allergy to shrimp.
grasshopperpurp 5y ago
Assume positive intent until someone proves your assumption wrong. One of the good things about assuming positive intent is that you should treat people well. If you do, and the other person does not reciprocate, you should no longer assume positive intent. Maybe they're just having a bad day? You can, and should, still leave room to change your mind again, but I would recommend basketing people who show signs of foolishness, selfishness, and general unkindness apart from people who reward your optimism. It's not your job to find the good person beneath the layers of trash. Generally speaking, our faults don't dwindle upon closer inspection, and even if they did, life is short, and you probably have other things to do.
- PennRobotics 5y ago
  Forgiving tit-for-tat :)
  - naasking 5y ago
    It has been the best strategy in the iterated prisoner's dilemma for years.
- enominezerum 5y ago
  I say look for trends. I assume the best of people, but I am also on the lookout for trends that show the worst of people. If this is someone that you encounter a lot, there is nothing wrong with being wary and observing their trends.
Applejinx 5y ago
Don't always suffer fools and assholes :) You don't always have to have boundaries, but it's okay to sometimes decide that you have some. If you try to define your boundaries perfectly so they can never be argued with, that's a trap to be exploited by those who like arguing.
shadowgovt 5y ago
Take notes and compare them with people you trust. I have the same problem. What I've found to be helpful is that I have several friends who don't gleefully suffer fools and are always willing to help serve as a second point-of-view on whether someone is just generally an asshole. It's a lot easier to tell if someone is trying to sell you a snow-job if you can get the perspective on how they are outside of your field-of-view.

afarrell 5y ago

Assuming positive intent is generally good, but it is not very specific. So it can be wise to follow it with a step of clarifying intent. If I assume you intend to make me a delicious soup, that is still quite dangerous to me if your intent is to make me a delicious shrimp gumbo -- You do not generally intend me harm, but to achieve that intent we need to communicate about my specific allergy to shrimp.

grasshopperpurp 5y ago

Assume positive intent until someone proves your assumption wrong. One of the good things about assuming positive intent is that you should treat people well. If you do, and the other person does not reciprocate, you should no longer assume positive intent. Maybe they're just having a bad day? You can, and should, still leave room to change your mind again, but I would recommend basketing people who show signs of foolishness, selfishness, and general unkindness apart from people who reward your optimism. It's not your job to find the good person beneath the layers of trash. Generally speaking, our faults don't dwindle upon closer inspection, and even if they did, life is short, and you probably have other things to do.

PennRobotics 5y ago
Forgiving tit-for-tat :)
- naasking 5y ago
  It has been the best strategy in the iterated prisoner's dilemma for years.
enominezerum 5y ago
I say look for trends. I assume the best of people, but I am also on the lookout for trends that show the worst of people. If this is someone that you encounter a lot, there is nothing wrong with being wary and observing their trends.

Applejinx 5y ago

Don't always suffer fools and assholes :) You don't always have to have boundaries, but it's okay to sometimes decide that you have some. If you try to define your boundaries perfectly so they can never be argued with, that's a trap to be exploited by those who like arguing.

shadowgovt 5y ago

Take notes and compare them with people you trust. I have the same problem. What I've found to be helpful is that I have several friends who don't gleefully suffer fools and are always willing to help serve as a second point-of-view on whether someone is just generally an asshole. It's a lot easier to tell if someone is trying to sell you a snow-job if you can get the perspective on how they are outside of your field-of-view.