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Pretty much the same here. Many of those connections were from school, going all the way back to elementary. So as a parent now, I feel like part of my job, for

Pretty much the same here. Many of those connections were from school, going all the way back to elementary. So as a parent now, I feel like part of my job, for better or worse, is to nurture their friendships and maintain them with playdates once they aren’t in the same school.

gunfighthacksaw 5y ago
I can’t say I blame you, but it really leads to a society stratified on uncontrollable factors and puts a bullet in the idea of meritocracy. You can’t control who your parents are or the culture you grew up in, but these have no impact on your job performance unless you live in a highly nepotistic society. Maybe an “affirmative action” type program for the socially disadvantaged is necessary, but I can’t see that gaining much support when addressing the more glaring disparities (racial, gender) is controversial enough.
- themaninthedark 5y ago
  I have the same issues as you as well and no, you can't control who your parents are and the culture you grow up in. But you can control who your friends are. And you can choose to surround yourself with motivated people. >puts a bullet in the idea of meritocracy. I don't feel the same way, as this sits at the boundary of the workplace. My understanding of meritocracy is that, reward is based on performance inside the company. But until you have hired and had someone working for some time, you have no way of evaluating them. We try to mitigate hiring bad employees with things like resumes, interviews and skill tests but those are not perfect. I, for example, suck at writing a resume. How many people have you seen on this site rage about "leet code tests"? So, another "tool" companies use are personal connections. John, a great worker whom I trust, refers Frank. I still have to interview him but it give me another data point. As a society, we have drifted away from the local community organizations (i.e. churches) that allowed people to build up good connections. We have tried to replace them, things like Linkedin but I am not sure how good of a job they do. Anything done on the internet gives me more of an ethereal feeling as opposed to the more permanent feeling of face to face personal connections.
- tomc1985 5y ago
  I'm not entirely sure that is necessary. While I think connections will take you further, nurturing relationships in the community, as an adult, is also very useful. This is something anyone can do provided they can get wherever things are happening. Which in a lot of cases is online.
throwaway2037 5y ago
Do you also make an effort to include children from lower socio-economic backgrounds? That is a good way to contribute to a flatter society, that depends less upon "the privileged people I know to help me get a job".
- jkestner 5y ago
  You’re right — I’ll do my best to give them opportunities to find friends all over. Then my kids may become those privileged people, and it will be their responsibility in turn to continue that flattening until it’s not needed.

gunfighthacksaw 5y ago

I can’t say I blame you, but it really leads to a society stratified on uncontrollable factors and puts a bullet in the idea of meritocracy. You can’t control who your parents are or the culture you grew up in, but these have no impact on your job performance unless you live in a highly nepotistic society. Maybe an “affirmative action” type program for the socially disadvantaged is necessary, but I can’t see that gaining much support when addressing the more glaring disparities (racial, gender) is controversial enough.

themaninthedark 5y ago
I have the same issues as you as well and no, you can't control who your parents are and the culture you grow up in. But you can control who your friends are. And you can choose to surround yourself with motivated people. >puts a bullet in the idea of meritocracy. I don't feel the same way, as this sits at the boundary of the workplace. My understanding of meritocracy is that, reward is based on performance inside the company. But until you have hired and had someone working for some time, you have no way of evaluating them. We try to mitigate hiring bad employees with things like resumes, interviews and skill tests but those are not perfect. I, for example, suck at writing a resume. How many people have you seen on this site rage about "leet code tests"? So, another "tool" companies use are personal connections. John, a great worker whom I trust, refers Frank. I still have to interview him but it give me another data point. As a society, we have drifted away from the local community organizations (i.e. churches) that allowed people to build up good connections. We have tried to replace them, things like Linkedin but I am not sure how good of a job they do. Anything done on the internet gives me more of an ethereal feeling as opposed to the more permanent feeling of face to face personal connections.
tomc1985 5y ago
I'm not entirely sure that is necessary. While I think connections will take you further, nurturing relationships in the community, as an adult, is also very useful. This is something anyone can do provided they can get wherever things are happening. Which in a lot of cases is online.

throwaway2037 5y ago

Do you also make an effort to include children from lower socio-economic backgrounds? That is a good way to contribute to a flatter society, that depends less upon "the privileged people I know to help me get a job".

jkestner 5y ago
You’re right — I’ll do my best to give them opportunities to find friends all over. Then my kids may become those privileged people, and it will be their responsibility in turn to continue that flattening until it’s not needed.