3 ms·

I work at a big corporate and we use a national workplace survey that asks if you have a best friend at the office. It’s one of the measures or organization hea

I work at a big corporate and we use a national workplace survey that asks if you have a best friend at the office. It’s one of the measures or organization health. I see the survey results across a pretty big portion of the organization so I understand my answer is one of the lonely few. I always answer ‘no’ because I really don’t have a best friend at work. A best friend is someone you like, enjoy loads of spending time with and maybe most importantly can trust with just about anything. It happens that I don’t really have true friends at work but I have people I care for and would be there for if they needed. That doesn’t make us friends, it makes us decent people. I try to keep a healthy level of separation between work life and home life. I don’t want to know office gossip because I want to be able to continue looking at my colleagues as professionals. I also want the diversification that should I ever leave the company my whole life won’t be blown up because it was attached to the company.

lexapro 5y ago
The only way I can explain this is that by "best friend at the office" the survey means office buddy. I don't think a lot of people have actual, true friends at their workplace.
- WastingMyTime89 5y ago
  I think most people do. That's people you see all the time you are bound to develop some kind of relationship with them. I regularly still see at least one person from all of my previous jobs and have regular friendly interaction with more. It seems weird to me that you can spend so much time at work and not find friends there.
  - wintermutestwin 5y ago
    I spent 17 years at a 70k+ tech megacorp. As a product manager for global cross functional teams, I interacted closely with >1000 people across all spectrums. Not once did I encounter an employee who regularly interacted with another outside of work related functions.
    - dasil003 5y ago
      I have worked cross-functionally a lot as well, and I'm baffled how you would make such a matter-of-fact statement. How would you even know? If I do hang out with colleagues outside of work, I will generally not be talking about it as there's lots of potential for weird perceptions of favoritism or cliqueyness.
      - wintermutestwin 5y ago
        You are right. I should have included the clause "that I was aware of." Considering that I spent a lot of time with many different groups of co-workers (including quasi-social activities), I would guess that I would have noticed a hint of non-work related friendship activities in some large % of those that I was interacting with. I should also note that this was a buyer of startups rather than an actual startup (no matter how much they gave lip-service to the idea that we were supposed to act like "a startup within a megacorp.")
    - WastingMyTime89 5y ago
      > Not once did I encounter an employee who regularly interacted with another outside of work related functions. No offense to you but statistically 40% of people have dated a coworker at least once and people hold on average 12 jobs in their life so if you interacted with 1000 persons there is a good chance that at least 30 of them were definitely interacting with a coworker outside of work related function.
- emerged 5y ago
  I think office friendships are often somewhat of an illusion. When one or both leave the company, they may never interact again or only very rarely.
  - philwelch 5y ago
    One of my best friends now is a former coworker, but I have drifted away from most of my old work buddies.
  - throwawayboise 5y ago
    This is very much my experience. I have a friend at the office, we had lunch together almost every day, but since WFH started in March 2020 I have barely spoken to him, just a very occasional email. I have physically seen him once. I have also never kept in touch with anyone I worked with at a former employer.
  - thinkharderdev 5y ago
    I also had a lot of friends in college who I haven't seen since we graduated and went our separate ways. Life intervenes to end friendships all the time but it doesn't mean that we weren't friends to begin with.
  - compiler-guy 5y ago
    I don’t think that makes them not friends. A certain kind of friend perhaps, but still a friend. I have coworkers with whom I got along very well and then lost touch after one or the other of us moved along. But then we reconnect at conferences or new jobs and are glad to see each other and remember old war stories or to work together again.
rdtwo 5y ago
I used to think the same thing but then I joined a team where there were lots of like minded folks of the same age and it turns out it is possible. There are multiple folks on my team that I’d hang out with on my off time although some of the ones I actually hung out a lot with have moved on recently. It’s worth noting that it took a few years to integrate into the team which is longer than most folks stay at any job
- musingsole 5y ago
  >It’s worth noting that it took a few years to integrate into the team which is longer than most folks stay at any job And if we as a culture can't address this, we are in for a very bad time.
- varispeed 5y ago
  This certainly works if the workers are independent contractors and they are free to do different businesses together. When it comes to actual employment, that is a completely different dynamic. Many employees have to play being friends in fear of otherwise being perceived as difficult or unlikeable. You will never know if other employees hang out with you because they genuinely want to.
newsbinator 5y ago
> I also want the diversification that should I ever leave the company my whole life won’t be blown up because it was attached to the company. Your company wants the opposite of this. Leaving both your job and your family is a lot tougher than only leaving your job.
- geoduck14 5y ago
  >Your company wants the opposite of this. Leaving both your job and your family is a lot tougher than only leaving your job. Boss here. Please have a life outside of work. Get some hobbies, side projects, and friends. It makes you more emotionally stable and secure when upper leadership makes decisions that you think are wack. Also, making it difficult to leave actually decreases moral. Consider: your boss is abusive, but you can't quit because you can't afford a lower paying job - moral tanks.
cblum 5y ago
> I have people I care for and would be there for if they needed That’s my personal definition of friend, as long as it’s mutual :) The level of intimacy may vary, but if the “being there when needed” component is there then I regard a person as a friend. I went through a couple of really hard life events during the pandemic, which was already hard enough. It was bitter to find out that some friends weren’t really friends. On the other hand, some people I only regarded as acquaintances turned out to be friends.
thinkharderdev 5y ago
I've answered those sorts of surveys before and fwiw I always interpreted that question differently. It's not "is YOUR best friend a coworker" but instead "do you have A best friend at work" which should be true of anyone who has at least one friend at work (using friend in a fairly loose sense). I can't say I've ever had a long-lasting friendship with a co-worker but at every job I've ever had I had people I worked with that I considered friends. Even if you don't do stuff outside of work together you still spend more time with your coworkers than almost anyone else. And if you develop a relationship with your teammates where you can speak to each other frankly and trust one another's good intentions then that makes for an infinitely better work environment even if you don't generally discuss personal matters. Whether or not that counts as "friendship" is a matter of semantics but I think it is the sort of relationship that the question is asking about.
freedom2099 5y ago
I actually do have a best friend at work! And to that very survey I answered yes! I regularly go out with some of my colleagues… go on trips during the weekends or even go on weeks long vacations!

lexapro 5y ago

The only way I can explain this is that by "best friend at the office" the survey means office buddy. I don't think a lot of people have actual, true friends at their workplace.

WastingMyTime89 5y ago
I think most people do. That's people you see all the time you are bound to develop some kind of relationship with them. I regularly still see at least one person from all of my previous jobs and have regular friendly interaction with more. It seems weird to me that you can spend so much time at work and not find friends there.
- wintermutestwin 5y ago
  I spent 17 years at a 70k+ tech megacorp. As a product manager for global cross functional teams, I interacted closely with >1000 people across all spectrums. Not once did I encounter an employee who regularly interacted with another outside of work related functions.
  - dasil003 5y ago
    I have worked cross-functionally a lot as well, and I'm baffled how you would make such a matter-of-fact statement. How would you even know? If I do hang out with colleagues outside of work, I will generally not be talking about it as there's lots of potential for weird perceptions of favoritism or cliqueyness.
    - wintermutestwin 5y ago
      You are right. I should have included the clause "that I was aware of." Considering that I spent a lot of time with many different groups of co-workers (including quasi-social activities), I would guess that I would have noticed a hint of non-work related friendship activities in some large % of those that I was interacting with. I should also note that this was a buyer of startups rather than an actual startup (no matter how much they gave lip-service to the idea that we were supposed to act like "a startup within a megacorp.")
  - WastingMyTime89 5y ago
    > Not once did I encounter an employee who regularly interacted with another outside of work related functions. No offense to you but statistically 40% of people have dated a coworker at least once and people hold on average 12 jobs in their life so if you interacted with 1000 persons there is a good chance that at least 30 of them were definitely interacting with a coworker outside of work related function.
emerged 5y ago
I think office friendships are often somewhat of an illusion. When one or both leave the company, they may never interact again or only very rarely.
- philwelch 5y ago
  One of my best friends now is a former coworker, but I have drifted away from most of my old work buddies.
- throwawayboise 5y ago
  This is very much my experience. I have a friend at the office, we had lunch together almost every day, but since WFH started in March 2020 I have barely spoken to him, just a very occasional email. I have physically seen him once. I have also never kept in touch with anyone I worked with at a former employer.
- thinkharderdev 5y ago
  I also had a lot of friends in college who I haven't seen since we graduated and went our separate ways. Life intervenes to end friendships all the time but it doesn't mean that we weren't friends to begin with.
- compiler-guy 5y ago
  I don’t think that makes them not friends. A certain kind of friend perhaps, but still a friend. I have coworkers with whom I got along very well and then lost touch after one or the other of us moved along. But then we reconnect at conferences or new jobs and are glad to see each other and remember old war stories or to work together again.

rdtwo 5y ago

I used to think the same thing but then I joined a team where there were lots of like minded folks of the same age and it turns out it is possible. There are multiple folks on my team that I’d hang out with on my off time although some of the ones I actually hung out a lot with have moved on recently. It’s worth noting that it took a few years to integrate into the team which is longer than most folks stay at any job

musingsole 5y ago
>It’s worth noting that it took a few years to integrate into the team which is longer than most folks stay at any job And if we as a culture can't address this, we are in for a very bad time.
varispeed 5y ago
This certainly works if the workers are independent contractors and they are free to do different businesses together. When it comes to actual employment, that is a completely different dynamic. Many employees have to play being friends in fear of otherwise being perceived as difficult or unlikeable. You will never know if other employees hang out with you because they genuinely want to.

newsbinator 5y ago

> I also want the diversification that should I ever leave the company my whole life won’t be blown up because it was attached to the company. Your company wants the opposite of this. Leaving both your job and your family is a lot tougher than only leaving your job.

geoduck14 5y ago
>Your company wants the opposite of this. Leaving both your job and your family is a lot tougher than only leaving your job. Boss here. Please have a life outside of work. Get some hobbies, side projects, and friends. It makes you more emotionally stable and secure when upper leadership makes decisions that you think are wack. Also, making it difficult to leave actually decreases moral. Consider: your boss is abusive, but you can't quit because you can't afford a lower paying job - moral tanks.

cblum 5y ago

> I have people I care for and would be there for if they needed That’s my personal definition of friend, as long as it’s mutual :) The level of intimacy may vary, but if the “being there when needed” component is there then I regard a person as a friend. I went through a couple of really hard life events during the pandemic, which was already hard enough. It was bitter to find out that some friends weren’t really friends. On the other hand, some people I only regarded as acquaintances turned out to be friends.

thinkharderdev 5y ago

I've answered those sorts of surveys before and fwiw I always interpreted that question differently. It's not "is YOUR best friend a coworker" but instead "do you have A best friend at work" which should be true of anyone who has at least one friend at work (using friend in a fairly loose sense). I can't say I've ever had a long-lasting friendship with a co-worker but at every job I've ever had I had people I worked with that I considered friends. Even if you don't do stuff outside of work together you still spend more time with your coworkers than almost anyone else. And if you develop a relationship with your teammates where you can speak to each other frankly and trust one another's good intentions then that makes for an infinitely better work environment even if you don't generally discuss personal matters. Whether or not that counts as "friendship" is a matter of semantics but I think it is the sort of relationship that the question is asking about.

freedom2099 5y ago

I actually do have a best friend at work! And to that very survey I answered yes! I regularly go out with some of my colleagues… go on trips during the weekends or even go on weeks long vacations!