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Let’s be honest here. Would your third cousin do all of that for you? No, ok, so let’s not pretend all family equates to yourLoving SO, siblings or parents leve

Let’s be honest here. Would your third cousin do all of that for you? No, ok, so let’s not pretend all family equates to yourLoving SO, siblings or parents level of impact on your life. There are people with family who abused them in their childhood, with family members who are objectively terrible people. There are brothers and sisters who hate each other with a passion but still both show up to their cousins wedding and act nicely. Family only means that there is a bond between you that cannot be ignored independent of what you think of the people. And that being the case these are people you try to make the best of the relationships with because you know they’ll show up in you life no matter if you like it or not. The comparison with co-workers is quite on point. If you want space from your co-workers quit. Because no matter how long and technically complex your education is, no matter if you are a wold leading expert in a narrow field, getting along with people is a core competence for anyone who doesn’t either run their own one-man gig, or work in dark basement of an organization where everyone has given up on communicating through any other means than email.

markus_zhang 5y ago
You can do pretty fine with very little non business personal chatting. Getting along with people has a huge range bro.
noisy_boy 5y ago
> Would your third cousin do all of that for you? No, ok, so let’s not pretend all family equates to yourLoving SO, siblings or parents level of impact on your life. Interesting that you brought up third cousin. My second cousin actually has helped me a lot - we didn't grow-up together or something, connected quite late in life due to family being spread out but he has turned out to be a very reliable person. But he is not my third cousin so maybe your point stands. So taking that further, what level should my co-workers be at? Should I treat them as I do my third cousins? I'm not in touch with most of them - should that be ok to do in office place too? > There are people with family who abused them in their childhood, with family members who are objectively terrible people. I already mentioned in my original comment that yes, there are dysfunctional families too that are a negative impact. I know its not all peachy out there. > If you want space from your co-workers quit. Because no matter how long and technically complex your education is, no matter if you are a wold leading expert in a narrow field, getting along with people is a core competence for anyone who doesn’t either run their own one-man gig, or work in dark basement of an organization where everyone has given up on communicating through any other means than email. I never said that getting along with people was not a core competence - that would be a dumb position to take. However, becoming bosom buddies shouldn't be a core competence either. My expectation, to borrow from your wedding metaphor, is simply that it should be sufficient for me to show up to our collective office, do our job, act nicely AND fuck-off at the end of the day without having to deal with demands that only a family (and I mean the ones that can be reasonably expected to make them) should make. Because, well, we work for a corporation - we are not family.
selimthegrim 5y ago
You should meet some Indo-Pak families sometime.
- User23 5y ago
  Or old stock rural Americans. There are plenty of towns in the USA that have extremely high social cohesion, because there are so many kinship networks going back centuries. Keeping in contact with your extended family is normal human behavior. This hyper-focus on the "nuclear" family and the "individual" to the expense of broader ties is what's unnatural and ultimately, if fertility numbers in the societies that adopted that outlook hold steady, unsustainable.
zaptheimpaler 5y ago
So your coworkers are either family or you suck at communication and work alone in a dungeon, there is zero middleground. Got it.

markus_zhang 5y ago

You can do pretty fine with very little non business personal chatting. Getting along with people has a huge range bro.

noisy_boy 5y ago

> Would your third cousin do all of that for you? No, ok, so let’s not pretend all family equates to yourLoving SO, siblings or parents level of impact on your life. Interesting that you brought up third cousin. My second cousin actually has helped me a lot - we didn't grow-up together or something, connected quite late in life due to family being spread out but he has turned out to be a very reliable person. But he is not my third cousin so maybe your point stands. So taking that further, what level should my co-workers be at? Should I treat them as I do my third cousins? I'm not in touch with most of them - should that be ok to do in office place too? > There are people with family who abused them in their childhood, with family members who are objectively terrible people. I already mentioned in my original comment that yes, there are dysfunctional families too that are a negative impact. I know its not all peachy out there. > If you want space from your co-workers quit. Because no matter how long and technically complex your education is, no matter if you are a wold leading expert in a narrow field, getting along with people is a core competence for anyone who doesn’t either run their own one-man gig, or work in dark basement of an organization where everyone has given up on communicating through any other means than email. I never said that getting along with people was not a core competence - that would be a dumb position to take. However, becoming bosom buddies shouldn't be a core competence either. My expectation, to borrow from your wedding metaphor, is simply that it should be sufficient for me to show up to our collective office, do our job, act nicely AND fuck-off at the end of the day without having to deal with demands that only a family (and I mean the ones that can be reasonably expected to make them) should make. Because, well, we work for a corporation - we are not family.

selimthegrim 5y ago

You should meet some Indo-Pak families sometime.

User23 5y ago
Or old stock rural Americans. There are plenty of towns in the USA that have extremely high social cohesion, because there are so many kinship networks going back centuries. Keeping in contact with your extended family is normal human behavior. This hyper-focus on the "nuclear" family and the "individual" to the expense of broader ties is what's unnatural and ultimately, if fertility numbers in the societies that adopted that outlook hold steady, unsustainable.

zaptheimpaler 5y ago

So your coworkers are either family or you suck at communication and work alone in a dungeon, there is zero middleground. Got it.