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I have heard this bothers many people, but I never saw the problem. I always thought about it in terms of putting your best foot forward and expecting most othe

I have heard this bothers many people, but I never saw the problem. I always thought about it in terms of putting your best foot forward and expecting most others to do the same. Once you get to know someone then it's a better time to talk about all the frustrations and disappointments of life. My experience might be out of date though, from other comments it sounds like online dating has gotten harder in recent years.

the_only_law 5y ago
In real life I think it’s easier to get a feel for people outside what they’re advertising and also it’s not a swipe-right/swipe-left scenario where if you don’t like the immediate presentation of a person you never have to interact with them again. Then ofc there’s the old cliches about all the information lost in purely online communication versus in-person. Dating apps just feel like I’m looking at the same few people over and over again with the outliers being seen mostly as negative. Nobody looks particularly interesting or like someone I’d get along with, whereas in real life interactions I don’t find myself filtering people this harshly. This is an issue I’ve heard of from people of all genders/sexuality’s. It just feels like a worse version of job hunting. In fact this analogy seems almost too perfect. You “apply” on an online platform with a low response rate, with a number of the “applicants” effectively treating it as a numbers game just to get something. Many of the responses you do get are rejections. Some may end up eventually getting a positive response and either win, finding a good person for them, or end up in a less ideal situation. Meanwhile everyone tells you that this is the worst way to go about things and that the right way is to have an established network you can reach out to.
- jrumbut 5y ago
  Hey that really makes sense to me now! I think for me the curiosity aspect balanced out what you're talking about. Instead of looking for a good match right away, I would scan for anything interesting or serious red flags and then start talking and see how it went. Of course, that wouldn't work for everyone. The job hunt comparison is perfect though, since I have exactly the feelings about job seeking online that you expressed about dating. I would have never applied to the job I'm at now, which I love, based on the job description online. It was really eye opening, a lot of the best organizations to work for are the worst at recruiting. It may be because they retain people so they don't have to do it as often, I am three years in and still the new guy.
MeinBlutIstBlau 5y ago
how many online dates have you been on? Ive met various women and it always feels like a job. Like, we both want to date. Yet many women just wanna be friends first. Thats not the point here. If anythinf is basicalky become "opposite sex meetup." I have since stopped. I dont use the apps anymore. I want to meet someone naturally. It eliminates that pointless friend phase without feeling obligated early on. Also, dont get me started on Snapchat and snapscores.
- jrumbut 5y ago
  I went on a lot, or at least I thought it was a lot, before I met my wife online. My usage ended years ago though, while I connected more on a friendship level with a lot of the people I met they all started as dates. I've heard from a few people that's changed and become more ambiguous. Maybe there needs to be a new system for more serious daters.

the_only_law 5y ago

In real life I think it’s easier to get a feel for people outside what they’re advertising and also it’s not a swipe-right/swipe-left scenario where if you don’t like the immediate presentation of a person you never have to interact with them again. Then ofc there’s the old cliches about all the information lost in purely online communication versus in-person. Dating apps just feel like I’m looking at the same few people over and over again with the outliers being seen mostly as negative. Nobody looks particularly interesting or like someone I’d get along with, whereas in real life interactions I don’t find myself filtering people this harshly. This is an issue I’ve heard of from people of all genders/sexuality’s. It just feels like a worse version of job hunting. In fact this analogy seems almost too perfect. You “apply” on an online platform with a low response rate, with a number of the “applicants” effectively treating it as a numbers game just to get something. Many of the responses you do get are rejections. Some may end up eventually getting a positive response and either win, finding a good person for them, or end up in a less ideal situation. Meanwhile everyone tells you that this is the worst way to go about things and that the right way is to have an established network you can reach out to.

jrumbut 5y ago
Hey that really makes sense to me now! I think for me the curiosity aspect balanced out what you're talking about. Instead of looking for a good match right away, I would scan for anything interesting or serious red flags and then start talking and see how it went. Of course, that wouldn't work for everyone. The job hunt comparison is perfect though, since I have exactly the feelings about job seeking online that you expressed about dating. I would have never applied to the job I'm at now, which I love, based on the job description online. It was really eye opening, a lot of the best organizations to work for are the worst at recruiting. It may be because they retain people so they don't have to do it as often, I am three years in and still the new guy.

MeinBlutIstBlau 5y ago

how many online dates have you been on? Ive met various women and it always feels like a job. Like, we both want to date. Yet many women just wanna be friends first. Thats not the point here. If anythinf is basicalky become "opposite sex meetup." I have since stopped. I dont use the apps anymore. I want to meet someone naturally. It eliminates that pointless friend phase without feeling obligated early on. Also, dont get me started on Snapchat and snapscores.

jrumbut 5y ago
I went on a lot, or at least I thought it was a lot, before I met my wife online. My usage ended years ago though, while I connected more on a friendship level with a lot of the people I met they all started as dates. I've heard from a few people that's changed and become more ambiguous. Maybe there needs to be a new system for more serious daters.