6 ms·

I just want to provide counter data here, and I know many others who met their longterm partners on Tinder actually.

by toxik 5y ago

willis936 5y ago
Same. I live a happy life with a very close relationship with my significant other. I spent years going on dates and refining a charming persona, but that was the means to the end. Companionship is far more fulfilling than thin ego boosts, but you'll never find a partner unless you're willing to put in effort to become attractive to many potential partners and then attempting relationships. Sure, it's a facade and not who you are in your pure, unrefined, mammalian form, but it's a good version of yourself. None of this is particularly revolutionary; it's just how courtship and mating works with mammals. Tinder is just the lubricant.
timemct 5y ago
To add a data point to this, I'm happily married to someone I met on Tinder. Without the two of us using dating apps, there's a near zero chance that we would've met.
kaesar14 5y ago
Agreed, and according to this data: https://www.statista.com/chart/20822/way-of-meeting-partner-heterosexual-us-couples/ https://www.statista.com/chart/20822/way-of-meeting-partner-... it's now the most common way of meeting a partner.
- AnIdiotOnTheNet 5y ago
  That doesn't mean it is actually good, it just means that there is a lack of alternatives for meeting people. Society seems to be trending towards less and less interaction with other people.
  - toxik 5y ago
    This seems like a fairly negative assessment of the facts. I think many people turn to online dating voluntarily, not as some sort of last ditch effort to find a partner. Au contraire, the people I found in the typical settings where you meet new people like bars, night clubs, and doing my hobbies, tended to be a very particular kind of person. I would never have found my current partner in any of those places, and I know the same to be true for many of my friends. Online dating is just increasing your dating surface area by 10-100x fold.
    - AnIdiotOnTheNet 5y ago
      I guess I have a very different experience. I consistently found that online dating (especially Tinder) felt, for lack of a better word, fake, and weirdly like job hunting only worse. The only reason I ever bothered was because nobody seems to do the kinds of things where people used to meet their significant others anymore. People can't even be assed to make plans these days for fuck sake. Personally, I find the whole thing so tedious and terrible that it isn't even worth it.
      - kaesar14 5y ago
        And in my experience I've met my current and loving partner on an app, as have many of my friends. The fact that the majority of couples now meet online (it's actually higher than my graph says, as it counts people who link on an app and then meet at a bar as part of the bar and restaurant category) must mean something is working, for large groups of people.
        AnIdiotOnTheNet 5y ago
        > something is working, for large groups of people. Yeah, it's called having a mating instinct. People will put up with all sorts of horribleness to satisfy it.
        kaesar14 5y ago
        I mean, I guess? I find it nice having a dedicated channel knowing the person on the other side is single and actively looking for some sort of connection. Treating it as a spontaneous connection the same way you would meeting someone at a coffee shop to get to the first date stage seems to work fine.
jschwartzi 5y ago
What age bracket did you fall into at the time? I’ve found from talking to various people that dating apps like Tinder are great if you’re young but turn into a horror show after about 35. I think there’s a winnowing effect as you age out of the app. So it may not be that they’re all bad or good but rather that you have to seek your audience elsewhere as you age out of the apps. I think this is probably true for anyone looking for a relationship.
- whimsicalism 5y ago
  > What age bracket did you fall into at the time? I’ve found from talking to various people that dating apps like Tinder are great if you’re young but turn into a horror show after about 35. I think this is just dating in general. People that are broadly attractive are more likely to not be still dating at 35 compared to people who are not as broadly attractive.
  - jschwartzi 5y ago
    It wasn’t physical attractiveness at all, but rather that older people on dating apps tended to be bad people. They had personality defects and bad attitudes.
    - whimsicalism 5y ago
      I didn't say anything specific about physical attractiveness in my comment, you just read that in.
wombat-man 5y ago
It definitely happens, but personally I feel like it's so much easier to get a feel for people irl. I still use apps like Tinder, but it's a high noise to signal ratio for me. A lot of times the vibe is just off when we meet up and I can't really explain why.
telotortium 5y ago
Same - happily married to someone I met on Tinder. We matched on Coffee Meets Bagel just afterward, so even better.

I just want to provide counter data here, and I know many others who met their longterm partners on Tinder actually.

by toxik 5y ago

I just want to provide counter data here, and I know many others who met their longterm partners on Tinder actually.

Same. I live a happy life with a very close relationship with my significant other. I spent years going on dates and refining a charming persona, but that was the means to the end. Companionship is far more fulfilling than thin ego boosts, but you'll never find a partner unless you're willing to put in effort to become attractive to many potential partners and then attempting relationships. Sure, it's a facade and not who you are in your pure, unrefined, mammalian form, but it's a good version of yourself. None of this is particularly revolutionary; it's just how courtship and mating works with mammals. Tinder is just the lubricant.

timemct 5y ago

To add a data point to this, I'm happily married to someone I met on Tinder. Without the two of us using dating apps, there's a near zero chance that we would've met.

kaesar14 5y ago

Agreed, and according to this data: https://www.statista.com/chart/20822/way-of-meeting-partner-heterosexual-us-couples/ https://www.statista.com/chart/20822/way-of-meeting-partner-... it's now the most common way of meeting a partner.

AnIdiotOnTheNet 5y ago
That doesn't mean it is actually good, it just means that there is a lack of alternatives for meeting people. Society seems to be trending towards less and less interaction with other people.
- toxik 5y ago
  This seems like a fairly negative assessment of the facts. I think many people turn to online dating voluntarily, not as some sort of last ditch effort to find a partner. Au contraire, the people I found in the typical settings where you meet new people like bars, night clubs, and doing my hobbies, tended to be a very particular kind of person. I would never have found my current partner in any of those places, and I know the same to be true for many of my friends. Online dating is just increasing your dating surface area by 10-100x fold.
  - AnIdiotOnTheNet 5y ago
    I guess I have a very different experience. I consistently found that online dating (especially Tinder) felt, for lack of a better word, fake, and weirdly like job hunting only worse. The only reason I ever bothered was because nobody seems to do the kinds of things where people used to meet their significant others anymore. People can't even be assed to make plans these days for fuck sake. Personally, I find the whole thing so tedious and terrible that it isn't even worth it.
    - kaesar14 5y ago
      And in my experience I've met my current and loving partner on an app, as have many of my friends. The fact that the majority of couples now meet online (it's actually higher than my graph says, as it counts people who link on an app and then meet at a bar as part of the bar and restaurant category) must mean something is working, for large groups of people.
      - AnIdiotOnTheNet 5y ago
        > something is working, for large groups of people. Yeah, it's called having a mating instinct. People will put up with all sorts of horribleness to satisfy it.
        kaesar14 5y ago
        I mean, I guess? I find it nice having a dedicated channel knowing the person on the other side is single and actively looking for some sort of connection. Treating it as a spontaneous connection the same way you would meeting someone at a coffee shop to get to the first date stage seems to work fine.

jschwartzi 5y ago

What age bracket did you fall into at the time? I’ve found from talking to various people that dating apps like Tinder are great if you’re young but turn into a horror show after about 35. I think there’s a winnowing effect as you age out of the app. So it may not be that they’re all bad or good but rather that you have to seek your audience elsewhere as you age out of the apps. I think this is probably true for anyone looking for a relationship.

whimsicalism 5y ago
> What age bracket did you fall into at the time? I’ve found from talking to various people that dating apps like Tinder are great if you’re young but turn into a horror show after about 35. I think this is just dating in general. People that are broadly attractive are more likely to not be still dating at 35 compared to people who are not as broadly attractive.
- jschwartzi 5y ago
  It wasn’t physical attractiveness at all, but rather that older people on dating apps tended to be bad people. They had personality defects and bad attitudes.
  - whimsicalism 5y ago
    I didn't say anything specific about physical attractiveness in my comment, you just read that in.

wombat-man 5y ago

It definitely happens, but personally I feel like it's so much easier to get a feel for people irl. I still use apps like Tinder, but it's a high noise to signal ratio for me. A lot of times the vibe is just off when we meet up and I can't really explain why.

telotortium 5y ago

Same - happily married to someone I met on Tinder. We matched on Coffee Meets Bagel just afterward, so even better.