I divorced my wife in my early 30s, and after the trauma of everything I swore off women and lived the life of a monk for 7 years. At age 38 I finally ventured

I divorced my wife in my early 30s, and after the trauma of everything I swore off women and lived the life of a monk for 7 years. At age 38 I finally ventured tentatively into the dating pool, and it was as bad as I was expecting (a bunch of desperate people on both sides) so I stopped and focused instead on my hobbies. I finally learned to play classical guitar, I finally got in shape using a boxer's workout that worked so well I could wear the same sized jeans I did in high school again. I started doing things I enjoyed, went hiking camping with groups of like minded people, started blogging about things I felt strongly about, without a care about what anyone else thought or who agreed or disagreed (sorry, life is too short for projecting an illusion of me). And I met people, just not through any dating services or at bars or any of the usual places. And since these were in neutral environments, there was no pressure: you'd get to know people and they'd get to know you, and if something eventually came of it, cool, and if not no big deal because that wasn't the purpose of the activities anyway. What I'm trying to say is: There's no shortcut to meeting someone who's good for you. The tried-and-true method that has worked in the past before all of this dating service nonsense has been to just BE there, doing things, in an inclusive no-pressure environment where the purpose isn't to get hooked up with someone. People can sense when your motivations aren't pure, and the worst of these is the desperation to not be alone. It's not very flattering to be wanted as "mr right now" as opposed to "mr right", nor is it flattering the other way around. Everyone out there is different, and that means that there are many people who want what you actually are. This is why it's so important to BE what you really are. The more you disguise yourself out of shame or fear or envy, the less people see of the real you, and the more likely it is that any woman who develops an interest in you will actually be interested in the false image you're projecting. And all that does is lead to tears down the road. Better to just be who you really are, so that the women out there who are actually LOOKING for that can finally see you. Also get out there and DO things, because spending all your time alone guarantees that nobody sees you (as the famous parable goes: no one hides a lamp under a bowl or a bed, but rather puts it on a stand so that those who enter can see the light). Since getting back into dating (sort of), I had three more relationships before meeting the girl of my dreams through my blog of all places (we're both gamers), and we married 3 years ago in my early 40s. Our 3rd wedding anniversary gifts to each other were a pair of Radeon 6600s so that we could play the Back4Blood beta in style!