Also legal citizenship/visas are a real crapshoot in the US due to the extreme (and by extreme I mean it sounds like hyperbole and would be hilarious if it were

Also legal citizenship/visas are a real crapshoot in the US due to the extreme (and by extreme I mean it sounds like hyperbole and would be hilarious if it weren't people's lives getting screwed around with) incompetence, slothfulness, and general unreliability of the USCIS. Most people who live here have never dealt with them and have no idea just how bad it really is. I think their interview process might include an IQ test with an upper limit for acceptable candidates.