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I'm at a stage in my life where I have a true love/hate relationship with productivity. I have a business, a job, two young children and there's this thing goi

I'm at a stage in my life where I have a true love/hate relationship with productivity. I have a business, a job, two young children and there's this thing going on in the world that makes everything kind of strange and our of our control. Every time I read an article like this one, and this one isn't particularly good, if I may add, I feel like saying, yes, right, you go ahead and try that calendar blocking thing with two children at home generating an almost infinite amount of entropy in all four dimensions. And do tell me how that willpower thing is working out for you, that thing about just cranking on with the most important goals every day, when your nights are most unreliable, and you're just generally exhausted all the time. But I keep clicking those links anyway, secretly hoping that one day, I'll crack the mystery of productivity for stressed-out parents... But since we're on the topic, I'll share what I think is the secret now: the less you try to accomplish, the more you'll accomplish. Super-laser-focus is the only thing that works for me. That, and being kind to myself when I have unproductive days, which is almost every day.

bamboozled 5y ago
That, and being kind to myself when I have unproductive days, which is almost every day. I suffer from Insomnia, I have for many years, I'm up at 1am after a day which I let me discipline slide. I didn't feel as productive as I should've been today, So you know what I did? I worked till 8:30pm. I punished myself. I broke my new golden rule of getting off the computer by 6pm, which was working so well for me. Then what happened? I didn't have any wind down time, then I couldn't sleep and now I'm up stressed about everything I probably won't get done tomorrow because I'll be too tired to focus on complex tasks, it's now a compound fracture, a cluster bomb of issues. I think you're 100% right. Just walk away while you still can, retreat, then come out on the attack the next day feeling better. I wish I'd taken my own advice.
- cseleborg 5y ago
  Thanks for sharing. I think everyone here will recognize themselves, at least occasionally, in what you just wrote.
  - peakaboo 5y ago
    No. This is just basic life skills. Taking care of yourself is your highest priority. This means keeping your company life and your personal life completely airgapped, using a specific work phone and a specific work computer so nothing bleeds over. At 5 pm or earlier you stop working. Then you focus on relaxing as much as possible to recharge. If you have kids, it's harder but it's even more important you learn to relax and recharge because they depend on you.
    - Dudeman112 5y ago
      I agree. I find it incredibly odd how people can be absolutely bad at basic life skills and act as if it were some universal thing about mankind. If they got some condition in their body or in their mind that makes then a permanent wreck, alright that's a thing. Or sometimes life just happens and your mother is dead - alright, you can be a wreck for some time. This shouldn't be the norm.
- zeku 5y ago
  100%. If you look at productivity weekly instead of daily it always pays to have deload time daily, eat correctly, sleep 8 hrs, and get a workout in on a regular basis!
- mbrodersen 5y ago
  Perhaps take a step back and ask yourself what you truly value in life. And then be “productive” maximising the time you have to do that instead of chasing goals that you actually, deep down, don’t care about.
chuckcode 5y ago
+1 to the reality that most productivity tips come off as hopelessly naive to the reality of life with kids, sick parents/spouses, customer demands, etc. Few things that have helped me: - Have something like google calendar that reminds you so don't forget something important. Avoid turning small tasks into huge ones by missing a critical deadline - Change the game when it is stacked against you. Most productivity advice is written about what can you do alone in the current situation (game) to improve, when changing situations could make things much better. I see too many people get stuck in bad relationship, bad job, etc. trying to make it work. Find places where the tide is rising and raising all the boats rather than working against you. - Be kind and realistic to yourself. Look around, life is challenging and nobody wins everthing. Coach yourself the same way you would coach your kids with kindness and empathy and setting them up for success rather than something impossible. (edit formatting)
- Cycl0ps 5y ago
  They're good tips. I went on a productivity binge late last year, and all the books I read boil down to a few things. 1) Get as much information out of your head as possible. Store it somewhere you can find it later, but the specifics don't matter. 2) Segment your tasks into something you can reasonably accomplish in a given time. If you don't get it done you either misunderstood the task or the timeslots, review and try againt later. 3) Start. Just start. It doesn't even have to be something you had on your list. Just decide to do a thing, then do it. Add analogies and anecdotes, bribe the NYT Best Seller list, and book yourself on the Today Show. Being a productivity writer is easy!
mattmanser 5y ago
What I always find funny about people with young children is that they seem to think their situation is somehow normal. It's not, you'll do it for 8 odd years of your life and complain about how awful it is to everyone else. Constantly. Then tell us kids are the best thing that ever happened to you, no, really, honest. And then it's done and a few years later you've got teenagers living with you who despise every fibre of your being. The mystery is quite easily solved too. It used to take a village to raise a child, but we're now all doing it alone, isolated from our neighbours, and that's why you've got no time. Hope that helps you to not bother reading any productivity articles until your kids are 8 or so. TL;DR Stop reading them, they're not aimed at you. Edit: Also, I'm only saying this to you, because I can't say it to my friends/sister :) Feels good to get that rant off my chest!
ebiester 5y ago
I really love autofocus for this: http://markforster.squarespace.com/autofocus-system/ http://markforster.squarespace.com/autofocus-system/ It gives you the permission to "just" work on something for five minutes. I like to look at it like this: time management systems and practices, at the personal level, are stacking lego blocks. You find the pieces that work for you and combine them - there's no one true system. Calendar stacking solves one particular problem - that problem may not be yours. But the largest tip is having a "don't-do" or "someday/maybe" list. These are things that look productive but you have to actively say no to, so that you can say "yes" to what matters. It's not about habits or similar - it's about great ideas and things that might make sense later but you just have no time for it. So you write it in (and maybe some details) so that you can just release it. It's a lego block. Another lego block is the "3 things." Ruthlessly prioritize to the most important things. Have a very low priority queue for a day. But ultimately, the key is that even the time gurus know that they are writing for a subset of all people. There is no one true method.

bamboozled 5y ago

That, and being kind to myself when I have unproductive days, which is almost every day. I suffer from Insomnia, I have for many years, I'm up at 1am after a day which I let me discipline slide. I didn't feel as productive as I should've been today, So you know what I did? I worked till 8:30pm. I punished myself. I broke my new golden rule of getting off the computer by 6pm, which was working so well for me. Then what happened? I didn't have any wind down time, then I couldn't sleep and now I'm up stressed about everything I probably won't get done tomorrow because I'll be too tired to focus on complex tasks, it's now a compound fracture, a cluster bomb of issues. I think you're 100% right. Just walk away while you still can, retreat, then come out on the attack the next day feeling better. I wish I'd taken my own advice.

cseleborg 5y ago
Thanks for sharing. I think everyone here will recognize themselves, at least occasionally, in what you just wrote.
- peakaboo 5y ago
  No. This is just basic life skills. Taking care of yourself is your highest priority. This means keeping your company life and your personal life completely airgapped, using a specific work phone and a specific work computer so nothing bleeds over. At 5 pm or earlier you stop working. Then you focus on relaxing as much as possible to recharge. If you have kids, it's harder but it's even more important you learn to relax and recharge because they depend on you.
  - Dudeman112 5y ago
    I agree. I find it incredibly odd how people can be absolutely bad at basic life skills and act as if it were some universal thing about mankind. If they got some condition in their body or in their mind that makes then a permanent wreck, alright that's a thing. Or sometimes life just happens and your mother is dead - alright, you can be a wreck for some time. This shouldn't be the norm.
zeku 5y ago
100%. If you look at productivity weekly instead of daily it always pays to have deload time daily, eat correctly, sleep 8 hrs, and get a workout in on a regular basis!
mbrodersen 5y ago
Perhaps take a step back and ask yourself what you truly value in life. And then be “productive” maximising the time you have to do that instead of chasing goals that you actually, deep down, don’t care about.

chuckcode 5y ago

+1 to the reality that most productivity tips come off as hopelessly naive to the reality of life with kids, sick parents/spouses, customer demands, etc. Few things that have helped me: - Have something like google calendar that reminds you so don't forget something important. Avoid turning small tasks into huge ones by missing a critical deadline - Change the game when it is stacked against you. Most productivity advice is written about what can you do alone in the current situation (game) to improve, when changing situations could make things much better. I see too many people get stuck in bad relationship, bad job, etc. trying to make it work. Find places where the tide is rising and raising all the boats rather than working against you. - Be kind and realistic to yourself. Look around, life is challenging and nobody wins everthing. Coach yourself the same way you would coach your kids with kindness and empathy and setting them up for success rather than something impossible. (edit formatting)

Cycl0ps 5y ago
They're good tips. I went on a productivity binge late last year, and all the books I read boil down to a few things. 1) Get as much information out of your head as possible. Store it somewhere you can find it later, but the specifics don't matter. 2) Segment your tasks into something you can reasonably accomplish in a given time. If you don't get it done you either misunderstood the task or the timeslots, review and try againt later. 3) Start. Just start. It doesn't even have to be something you had on your list. Just decide to do a thing, then do it. Add analogies and anecdotes, bribe the NYT Best Seller list, and book yourself on the Today Show. Being a productivity writer is easy!

mattmanser 5y ago

What I always find funny about people with young children is that they seem to think their situation is somehow normal. It's not, you'll do it for 8 odd years of your life and complain about how awful it is to everyone else. Constantly. Then tell us kids are the best thing that ever happened to you, no, really, honest. And then it's done and a few years later you've got teenagers living with you who despise every fibre of your being. The mystery is quite easily solved too. It used to take a village to raise a child, but we're now all doing it alone, isolated from our neighbours, and that's why you've got no time. Hope that helps you to not bother reading any productivity articles until your kids are 8 or so. TL;DR Stop reading them, they're not aimed at you. Edit: Also, I'm only saying this to you, because I can't say it to my friends/sister :) Feels good to get that rant off my chest!

ebiester 5y ago

I really love autofocus for this: http://markforster.squarespace.com/autofocus-system/ http://markforster.squarespace.com/autofocus-system/ It gives you the permission to "just" work on something for five minutes. I like to look at it like this: time management systems and practices, at the personal level, are stacking lego blocks. You find the pieces that work for you and combine them - there's no one true system. Calendar stacking solves one particular problem - that problem may not be yours. But the largest tip is having a "don't-do" or "someday/maybe" list. These are things that look productive but you have to actively say no to, so that you can say "yes" to what matters. It's not about habits or similar - it's about great ideas and things that might make sense later but you just have no time for it. So you write it in (and maybe some details) so that you can just release it. It's a lego block. Another lego block is the "3 things." Ruthlessly prioritize to the most important things. Have a very low priority queue for a day. But ultimately, the key is that even the time gurus know that they are writing for a subset of all people. There is no one true method.