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> I've crushed on co-workers; I've had crushes on professors; I've had crushes on classmates. Attraction in a work/study environment is real. The thing is ... y
by marcusverus 5y ago
> I've crushed on co-workers; I've had crushes on professors; I've had crushes on classmates. Attraction in a work/study environment is real. The thing is ... you don't have to do or say anything, guys. Just keep that stuff locked down like a non-creep and it will eventually pass.
Expressing romantic interest in a co-worker or classmate is not de-facto inappropriate. Your advice is solid for folks in positions of power, but for the rest of us, not so much. The idea that young men and women who work together should be forbidden from exploring relationships with with classmates or coworkers is a kind of bizarre neo-puritanism. (Your human nature? That's bad! Ignore it!) And for what? To prevent the occasional, momentary discomfort of rebuffing a respectful advance?
Of course nobody should have to endure sexual harassment, socially inept creepiness, or blind persistence from unwanted suiters. And people who engage in these behaviors should be paid a visit from HR (and eventually receive a pink slip). But the vast majority of adults are capable of tactful communication, and should not be prevented from exploring the full possibilities of their interpersonal relationships simply because the relationship began at work.
- JabavuAdams 5y agoI agree in principle, but we should also consider the asymmetric effects in practice. If every female co-worker gets multiple unsolicited advances per year, that could be a problem, even if the advances are tactful, between equals, and listen to rejection. At some level you just want to go in to work, not be spammed with advances all the time. It's different for most guys we don't get nearly the amount of interest, even if we're attractive. So it would be crucial to try to understand what women experience and what they want out of a workplace instead of just going on abstract concepts.
- kbenson 5y agoStudies show that between 10%-20% or people meet their spouses at work. It makes sense that far more than that have had long relationships with people they met at work. I suspect the actual situation with regard to women and men at work and approaching each other, and whether it's wanted or unwanted, is somewhat more complicated than "women get badgered".
- zozbot234 5y ago> The idea that young men and women who work together should be forbidden from exploring relationships with with classmates or coworkers is a kind of bizarre neo-puritanism. The problem with that is, what happens if the relationship goes south as relationships tend to do over time. Then the two of you have to work every day with someone they hate. It's just more sensible to keep things professional to begin with.
- markozivanovic 5y agoI'm not sure why you're being downvoted. That it's more sensible to keep things professional to begin with sounds totally logical to me. It certainly minimizes the potential drama that comes with being in a romantic relationship with a colleague. I've witnessed many beautiful things happening between people that met each other at a workplace. I've also witnessed a lot of shit shows as a result of that same thing. Not playing the game excludes both of the situations, and while you can't win and have a beautiful thing in the end, you also can't lose. I personally chose not to play that game.
- philwelch 5y agoIn my experience, my romantic relationships tend to last a lot longer than I tend to stay at the same job or in the same class, and tend to be far more important to me.
- truffdog 5y ago> Expressing romantic interest in a co-worker or classmate is not de-facto inappropriate. Norms have changed, and in 2021, it is inappropriate. That's kind of what #MeToo meant. Think about this from the other side- do you want to finely parse the harassment quotient of flirtation and dinner invitations forever, or do you want to just ban it?