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> keep that stuff locked down Careful with this. IME, everything you feel gets expressed eventually. You either make some choices about that expression, or it

> keep that stuff locked down Careful with this. IME, everything you feel gets expressed eventually. You either make some choices about that expression, or it leaks out of you - usually in toxic ways (passive aggression, overly controlling behavior, snipe-comments, etc.) Have close friends (and a therapist!) that you can talk to about just about anything. A lot of times, feelings are signals for exploration; "here be learning", as it were. Aubrey even names it, without realizing it (IMO) when he says "could treat [me] as an equal on every other level". I'm betting that if Aubrey had taken the time to feel and understand, he'd have realized that Deming (at that time) wasn't someone he could actually treat as an equal on every level. (And, probably, that he had a need for more people in his life that he could).

zozbot234 5y ago
From reading his email to her, it's clear that he did realize this, but somehow he also thought he could get away with writing a suggestive email to her about his "adventurous love life" [sic]. (To be clear, referencing such things in a written work email would be regarded as grossly unprofessional no matter what the circumstances, but Laura being 17 and working for him at the time makes it quite outrageous.)
- RangerScience 5y ago
  Was the email published? All I've got to go off of is the snippet from the OP.
  - phnofive 5y ago
    No, but Aubrey confirms it: > "Laura references an email I wrote - inadvisedly, for sure, and which I unreservedly regret - to her when she was 17"
    - dkersten 5y ago
      He confirms that he wrote an inadvised email. We still do not know the actual content or context around the email, so we don't know if it was malicious, abuse or simply somewhat inappropriate but otherwise malign. We know she felt uncomfortable over it, but we do not know if he wrote it innocently-but-stupidly or if there is more to it.
      - phnofive 5y ago
        I can see how 'inadvised' and 'regret' could refer to further projection of blame, but the author is dead, and that's not how it reads to me.
      - CRConrad 5y ago
        ITYM "but otherwise benign", right?
- dkersten 5y ago
  > To be clear, referencing such things in a written work email would be regarded as grossly unprofessional no matter what the circumstances, but Laura being 17 and working for him at the time makes it quite outrageous. I dunno. Ill-advised, sure. Inappropriate, maybe. I've had all kinds of personal conversations with coworkers and bosses, there was never anything more to it. Yes, that she was 17 means he should have been more professional about it, but in and of itself, without knowing the contents of the email, I don't think its any more strange than perfectly normal but personal conversations I've had with people I've worked with. Without seeing the email and the context around which it was sent, I don't think we can judge in either direction based off the existence of the email alone.

zozbot234 5y ago

From reading his email to her, it's clear that he did realize this, but somehow he also thought he could get away with writing a suggestive email to her about his "adventurous love life" [sic]. (To be clear, referencing such things in a written work email would be regarded as grossly unprofessional no matter what the circumstances, but Laura being 17 and working for him at the time makes it quite outrageous.)

RangerScience 5y ago
Was the email published? All I've got to go off of is the snippet from the OP.
- phnofive 5y ago
  No, but Aubrey confirms it: > "Laura references an email I wrote - inadvisedly, for sure, and which I unreservedly regret - to her when she was 17"
  - dkersten 5y ago
    He confirms that he wrote an inadvised email. We still do not know the actual content or context around the email, so we don't know if it was malicious, abuse or simply somewhat inappropriate but otherwise malign. We know she felt uncomfortable over it, but we do not know if he wrote it innocently-but-stupidly or if there is more to it.
    - phnofive 5y ago
      I can see how 'inadvised' and 'regret' could refer to further projection of blame, but the author is dead, and that's not how it reads to me.
    - CRConrad 5y ago
      ITYM "but otherwise benign", right?
dkersten 5y ago
> To be clear, referencing such things in a written work email would be regarded as grossly unprofessional no matter what the circumstances, but Laura being 17 and working for him at the time makes it quite outrageous. I dunno. Ill-advised, sure. Inappropriate, maybe. I've had all kinds of personal conversations with coworkers and bosses, there was never anything more to it. Yes, that she was 17 means he should have been more professional about it, but in and of itself, without knowing the contents of the email, I don't think its any more strange than perfectly normal but personal conversations I've had with people I've worked with. Without seeing the email and the context around which it was sent, I don't think we can judge in either direction based off the existence of the email alone.