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> If you only do it to prove you were right, stop doing that, it's not a good look. It seems fine to me if someone makes an error in recollection to correct th

> If you only do it to prove you were right, stop doing that, it's not a good look. It seems fine to me if someone makes an error in recollection to correct them (if it's about something material). I mean there are more and less nice ways to do it, and you don't necessarily want to do it about everything, but it seems like a very odd rule of thumb to me to say "it's not a good look". Maybe you have a particular personality archetype/pathological behaviour in mind that I'm not familiar with? Is it about the awkward relational-imbalance that might be created between people who check records and people who can't be bothered? (the former able to use their spare time to reduce the status of the other party within the relationship, who lack the time/stamina/desire to reciprocate). I know some super-pedantic people, who might engage in such correction pathologically. With those friends I actively resist ever making any distinction/categorisation that might be used against me in the future. It's a real arms race!

stavros 5y ago
> It seems fine to me if someone makes an error in recollection to correct them (if it's about something material). What sort of error? The GP said "where other parties recall a verbal conversation differently than me", and what's the benefit there? You have two differing views of a conversation, you can say "oh well I meant X" and move on. There's no benefit in figuring out who got it wrong just to apportion blame. Just leave it ambiguous and clarify the intention when you realize there was a misunderstanding. > Maybe you have a particular personality archetype/pathological behaviour in mind that I'm not familiar with? It's nothing pathological, some people just tend to want to go back to prove they were right, but proving the other person wrong doesn't tend to be productive.
- EvanAnderson 5y ago
  > The GP said "where other parties recall a verbal conversation differently than me", and what's the benefit there? You have two differing views of a conversation, you can say "oh well I meant X" and move on. I recognize that two people may interpret a conversation differently. The ground truth of what was said has value, though. If I know what was said I can work to tailor future my interactions with that party in an effort to prevent misunderstandings. I will certainly also try to suss-out if the other party has a pattern of apparently choosing to recollect conversations differently for their own ends (or maybe just has memory issues). It's going to color my interaction with that person. I don't "blame" them but I'm also not going to ignore information that could help me in future interactions. I'm not going to speak about it (because I think that would be in poor taste) but I'm certainly going to use that information to my benefit too. If I find out that, though reviewing old communication, that my recollection is faulty I'm going to make things right, make amends as necessary. I'm also going to try to prevent it from happening in the future, too. I genuinely don't want to be a person who choose to recollect conversations differently for my own ends. That's impolite and not something I would ever want to do.
  - stavros 5y ago
    Hmm, that's reasonable as well, though I generally find that misunderstandings are more about "I said X and I thought it was only interpretable one way but apparently there was also another interpretation and that's what the listener got". It's not that common (at least in my group) that this is done out of malice, and I'd probably notice if someone had a pattern of "misremembering" conversations for benefit. I see your point, though I still think that deleting them is a better default, as I prefer my everyday chats to be ephemeral. Certainly I wouldn't want them lasting for years.
    - EvanAnderson 5y ago
      > ... I generally find that misunderstandings are more about "I said X and I thought it was only interpretable one way but apparently there was also another interpretation and that's what the listener got". I relish knowing about those, too. That's a learning moment for me. > It's not that common (at least in my group) that this is done out of malice ... I don't see that in my personal interactions either. I've seen it in business interactions enough to look out for it. I've worked for and along side ethically-challenged individuals who consider agreements subject to interpretation, to their advantage, indefinitely. (An aside - Thanks for the continued interaction here. I am enjoying it, though I should get back to work. >smile<)

stavros 5y ago

> It seems fine to me if someone makes an error in recollection to correct them (if it's about something material). What sort of error? The GP said "where other parties recall a verbal conversation differently than me", and what's the benefit there? You have two differing views of a conversation, you can say "oh well I meant X" and move on. There's no benefit in figuring out who got it wrong just to apportion blame. Just leave it ambiguous and clarify the intention when you realize there was a misunderstanding. > Maybe you have a particular personality archetype/pathological behaviour in mind that I'm not familiar with? It's nothing pathological, some people just tend to want to go back to prove they were right, but proving the other person wrong doesn't tend to be productive.

EvanAnderson 5y ago
> The GP said "where other parties recall a verbal conversation differently than me", and what's the benefit there? You have two differing views of a conversation, you can say "oh well I meant X" and move on. I recognize that two people may interpret a conversation differently. The ground truth of what was said has value, though. If I know what was said I can work to tailor future my interactions with that party in an effort to prevent misunderstandings. I will certainly also try to suss-out if the other party has a pattern of apparently choosing to recollect conversations differently for their own ends (or maybe just has memory issues). It's going to color my interaction with that person. I don't "blame" them but I'm also not going to ignore information that could help me in future interactions. I'm not going to speak about it (because I think that would be in poor taste) but I'm certainly going to use that information to my benefit too. If I find out that, though reviewing old communication, that my recollection is faulty I'm going to make things right, make amends as necessary. I'm also going to try to prevent it from happening in the future, too. I genuinely don't want to be a person who choose to recollect conversations differently for my own ends. That's impolite and not something I would ever want to do.
- stavros 5y ago
  Hmm, that's reasonable as well, though I generally find that misunderstandings are more about "I said X and I thought it was only interpretable one way but apparently there was also another interpretation and that's what the listener got". It's not that common (at least in my group) that this is done out of malice, and I'd probably notice if someone had a pattern of "misremembering" conversations for benefit. I see your point, though I still think that deleting them is a better default, as I prefer my everyday chats to be ephemeral. Certainly I wouldn't want them lasting for years.
  - EvanAnderson 5y ago
    > ... I generally find that misunderstandings are more about "I said X and I thought it was only interpretable one way but apparently there was also another interpretation and that's what the listener got". I relish knowing about those, too. That's a learning moment for me. > It's not that common (at least in my group) that this is done out of malice ... I don't see that in my personal interactions either. I've seen it in business interactions enough to look out for it. I've worked for and along side ethically-challenged individuals who consider agreements subject to interpretation, to their advantage, indefinitely. (An aside - Thanks for the continued interaction here. I am enjoying it, though I should get back to work. >smile<)