4 ms·

Readers are placing a large degree of faith in the author's self-assessment. I, and I imagine many others, have known people who are totally oblivious to exactl

Readers are placing a large degree of faith in the author's self-assessment. I, and I imagine many others, have known people who are totally oblivious to exactly how repellent their personalities are. The author may be extremely difficult to talk to, or extremely emotionally unstable. They mentioned 'years of therapy' in their post. Most well-balanced people get through their life without requiring 'years of therapy'. The author states that they have no difficulty matching with men on dating apps. This does not count for much: The difficulty doing so between men and women is totally asymmetrical. Men and women really do not seek out the same qualities in one another. This should not be as controversial an assertion as it tends to be in the modern social climate. I feel like the so-called "modern woman" was sold a bill of goods when they were told "What's good for goose is good for gander". This is simply not true. High-status men who have choices available to them in the sexual marketplace will generally choose women embodying more traditional feminine qualities. The author of the post even states as much in a roundabout fashion.

MyHypatia 5y ago
>>> I feel like the so-called "modern woman" was sold a bill of goods when they were told "What's good for goose is good for gander". This is simply not true. I think the modern woman has realized that a good marriage is better than being single, but being single is better than a bad marriage. Plenty of health studies have been performed that show this: health outcomes are better for women in a good marriage, and worse for women in a bad marriage [1]. Why trap yourself in a bad marriage if it's going to kill you? [1] https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2003/09/marital-benefit https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2003/09/marital-bene...
- xupybd 5y ago
  Why give up hope of a good marriage for fear of a bad one?
  - MyHypatia 5y ago
    It's not about giving up hope, it's about recognizing whether a relationship is strong and supportive enough for a good marriage. Or recognizing whether a marriage is actually a source of wellness and support. If it isn't, then both people have to be willing to work to improve it, and as a last resort dissolve the marriage if it is irretrievably broken.
- tootahe45 5y ago
  I don't see how modern women can be 'trapped' in bad marriages. Women almost always marry up, wealthy women included. Married women i know have a huge divorce settlement and weekly payments to look forward to should a marriage not work out, bonus payments if children. Sometimes while the divorce is being finalized her new boyfriend can move in while you're made homeless, all she has to do is make an allegation of abuse.
rektide 5y ago
this is a repulsively small minded, narrow & belittling take, which refuses to consider the possibility of there being some truths here, and there not being some litany of horrible reasons against this person. most people do have majora faults & limitations but still find love & connection; to begin by ruling it out for this person is so unkind. it wraps with a blanket value judgement about what high status men want that feels like a hideous projection. please I hope people don't think like this or take such nasty words as guidance or explanation.
- livinginfear 5y ago
  Any post stating "I'm very successful, attractive, and generally impressive. Men won't date me." deserves to be treated with a healthy degree of skepticism. A post from a man stating the same would be dismissed ourightly. > (From the Reddit post) "I’ve had men tell me that..." I have never known men to not pursue women in earnest when real chemistry exists. This paragraph seems so much unlike the way men court women in real-life. In a perfect world everyone would find love. I hope this person does too. Life can be very unfair, however some people behave in ways that make the job of finding lasting companionship much harder.
- coldtea 5y ago
  >which refuses to consider the possibility of there being some truths here, and there not being some litany of horrible reasons against this person. The parent, and we, don't "need" to consider the above. It's already available to us, as that is the original framing in the linked post. If someone is content with that, they can stick with it and it's authors own explanation. What people DO need to consider, and the parent did remind us of, is the possibility that this might not be the true reality. Which, more often than not, is the case when one speaks about themselves and how good and balanced they are. (Your tone - e.g. "repulsively small minded" is also kind insulting).
mgh2 5y ago
There is a controversial article trying to explain how the dating power of beta males reverses after a certain age (from their perspective). Why Women Lose the Dating Game https://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/why-women-lose-the-dating-game-20120421-1xdn0.html https://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/why-women-lose-the-dating-g... Jordan Peterson also touches upon his theory on how the recent extremism of the feminist movement raised an entire generation of women "not needing men", as an attack on traditional roles and patriarchy. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MYa93WlPt3I https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MYa93WlPt3I
- mgh2 5y ago
  Not sure why this was downvoted, it is just data and some other perspectives that might help...
  - PaulHoule 5y ago
    Don’t take it personally.
    - mgh2 5y ago
      Oh I get it, source is from Reddit which unlike HN, votes come from sentiment, not value added to the conversation
Zababa 5y ago
> Readers are placing a large degree of faith in the author's self-assessment. I, and I imagine many others, have known people who are totally oblivious to exactly how repellent their personalities are. The author may be extremely difficult to talk to, or extremely emotionally unstable. They mentioned 'years of therapy' in their post. Most well-balanced people get through their life without requiring 'years of therapy'. There's an article I quite like about this (http://www.nonsymbolic.org/PNSE-Article.pdf http://www.nonsymbolic.org/PNSE-Article.pdf), about people thinking that they're enlightened and that everything is fine with them, except it's not.

MyHypatia 5y ago

>>> I feel like the so-called "modern woman" was sold a bill of goods when they were told "What's good for goose is good for gander". This is simply not true. I think the modern woman has realized that a good marriage is better than being single, but being single is better than a bad marriage. Plenty of health studies have been performed that show this: health outcomes are better for women in a good marriage, and worse for women in a bad marriage [1]. Why trap yourself in a bad marriage if it's going to kill you? [1] https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2003/09/marital-benefit https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2003/09/marital-bene...

xupybd 5y ago
Why give up hope of a good marriage for fear of a bad one?
- MyHypatia 5y ago
  It's not about giving up hope, it's about recognizing whether a relationship is strong and supportive enough for a good marriage. Or recognizing whether a marriage is actually a source of wellness and support. If it isn't, then both people have to be willing to work to improve it, and as a last resort dissolve the marriage if it is irretrievably broken.
tootahe45 5y ago
I don't see how modern women can be 'trapped' in bad marriages. Women almost always marry up, wealthy women included. Married women i know have a huge divorce settlement and weekly payments to look forward to should a marriage not work out, bonus payments if children. Sometimes while the divorce is being finalized her new boyfriend can move in while you're made homeless, all she has to do is make an allegation of abuse.

rektide 5y ago

this is a repulsively small minded, narrow & belittling take, which refuses to consider the possibility of there being some truths here, and there not being some litany of horrible reasons against this person. most people do have majora faults & limitations but still find love & connection; to begin by ruling it out for this person is so unkind. it wraps with a blanket value judgement about what high status men want that feels like a hideous projection. please I hope people don't think like this or take such nasty words as guidance or explanation.

livinginfear 5y ago
Any post stating "I'm very successful, attractive, and generally impressive. Men won't date me." deserves to be treated with a healthy degree of skepticism. A post from a man stating the same would be dismissed ourightly. > (From the Reddit post) "I’ve had men tell me that..." I have never known men to not pursue women in earnest when real chemistry exists. This paragraph seems so much unlike the way men court women in real-life. In a perfect world everyone would find love. I hope this person does too. Life can be very unfair, however some people behave in ways that make the job of finding lasting companionship much harder.
coldtea 5y ago
>which refuses to consider the possibility of there being some truths here, and there not being some litany of horrible reasons against this person. The parent, and we, don't "need" to consider the above. It's already available to us, as that is the original framing in the linked post. If someone is content with that, they can stick with it and it's authors own explanation. What people DO need to consider, and the parent did remind us of, is the possibility that this might not be the true reality. Which, more often than not, is the case when one speaks about themselves and how good and balanced they are. (Your tone - e.g. "repulsively small minded" is also kind insulting).

mgh2 5y ago

There is a controversial article trying to explain how the dating power of beta males reverses after a certain age (from their perspective). Why Women Lose the Dating Game https://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/why-women-lose-the-dating-game-20120421-1xdn0.html https://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/why-women-lose-the-dating-g... Jordan Peterson also touches upon his theory on how the recent extremism of the feminist movement raised an entire generation of women "not needing men", as an attack on traditional roles and patriarchy. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MYa93WlPt3I https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MYa93WlPt3I

mgh2 5y ago
Not sure why this was downvoted, it is just data and some other perspectives that might help...
- PaulHoule 5y ago
  Don’t take it personally.
  - mgh2 5y ago
    Oh I get it, source is from Reddit which unlike HN, votes come from sentiment, not value added to the conversation

Zababa 5y ago

> Readers are placing a large degree of faith in the author's self-assessment. I, and I imagine many others, have known people who are totally oblivious to exactly how repellent their personalities are. The author may be extremely difficult to talk to, or extremely emotionally unstable. They mentioned 'years of therapy' in their post. Most well-balanced people get through their life without requiring 'years of therapy'. There's an article I quite like about this (http://www.nonsymbolic.org/PNSE-Article.pdf http://www.nonsymbolic.org/PNSE-Article.pdf), about people thinking that they're enlightened and that everything is fine with them, except it's not.