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Yes it's obviously beneficial. Alone you are just alone. A lot of people don't have many friends or just don't have time for them. Still it's difficult. I alway

Yes it's obviously beneficial. Alone you are just alone. A lot of people don't have many friends or just don't have time for them. Still it's difficult. I always worry about how much of a creep I am, so I don't do it very often.

kaywilder 5y ago
You are not a creep. Nicola Tesla, Buddha, Neo from Matrix, Einstein where all alone, introverted and socially awkward :) I personally don’t like to derive my identity from the external world or how well strangers respond to me. I’m a lone wolf and love being alone
nefitty 5y ago
I’m not 100% sure what’s behind the feeling of “creeped-outness”, but my immediate intuition is that it has to do with a sense of possible threat from an unfamiliar person, ie “stranger danger”. One way of reducing that is to connect through the current shared reality. Small talk is basically this sort of connection. For example, standing in line at the DMV, perhaps you notice the person behind you looks disengaged and bored as well. “At least this line is moving a little faster than I expected.” The person might respond with short chuckle, “Hah, yep.” Or they might expand on your thought, “Yeah, I was here last week and it was nuts.” That introduces an opportunity for further conversation, “Oh really? We’re they not able to help you that time?”, etc Even if the person just answers with a short laugh or an even more basic eyebrow raise, that short interaction can increase your comfort, and help train your brain to find those moments for small talk. The times I’ve ever been blown out by a stranger are when our energy levels vary wildly, ie they are hyped up and I’m sitting still, or vice versa, or they’re in a group of people, etc. Otherwise, people generally seem welcoming to that quick connection because of the increased comfort it can cause, even if the conversation itself is inconsequential or trivial.
- technothrasher 5y ago
  Yep, I think you're dead on. Its interesting that the OP didn't want to have small talk with strangers because they're afraid of looking like a creep. The point of small talk with strangers in public is very much just to signal, "not a creep, just a regular person like you" and increase comfort levels. Unwillingness to engage or over-sharing usually send off the wrong signals, but simple quick, "Hey, crazy weather, huh?" conversations put people at ease.

kaywilder 5y ago

You are not a creep. Nicola Tesla, Buddha, Neo from Matrix, Einstein where all alone, introverted and socially awkward :) I personally don’t like to derive my identity from the external world or how well strangers respond to me. I’m a lone wolf and love being alone

nefitty 5y ago

I’m not 100% sure what’s behind the feeling of “creeped-outness”, but my immediate intuition is that it has to do with a sense of possible threat from an unfamiliar person, ie “stranger danger”. One way of reducing that is to connect through the current shared reality. Small talk is basically this sort of connection. For example, standing in line at the DMV, perhaps you notice the person behind you looks disengaged and bored as well. “At least this line is moving a little faster than I expected.” The person might respond with short chuckle, “Hah, yep.” Or they might expand on your thought, “Yeah, I was here last week and it was nuts.” That introduces an opportunity for further conversation, “Oh really? We’re they not able to help you that time?”, etc Even if the person just answers with a short laugh or an even more basic eyebrow raise, that short interaction can increase your comfort, and help train your brain to find those moments for small talk. The times I’ve ever been blown out by a stranger are when our energy levels vary wildly, ie they are hyped up and I’m sitting still, or vice versa, or they’re in a group of people, etc. Otherwise, people generally seem welcoming to that quick connection because of the increased comfort it can cause, even if the conversation itself is inconsequential or trivial.

technothrasher 5y ago
Yep, I think you're dead on. Its interesting that the OP didn't want to have small talk with strangers because they're afraid of looking like a creep. The point of small talk with strangers in public is very much just to signal, "not a creep, just a regular person like you" and increase comfort levels. Unwillingness to engage or over-sharing usually send off the wrong signals, but simple quick, "Hey, crazy weather, huh?" conversations put people at ease.