5 ms·

So I left one story out of my little rant-- which was my ex-wife would do exactly what you described. She would text and then if I hadn't responded in a few min

So I left one story out of my little rant-- which was my ex-wife would do exactly what you described. She would text and then if I hadn't responded in a few minutes she'd call the receptionist and/or my desk phone. It was infuriating because she rarely answered a text in less than a few hours. She said that it upset her when she couldn't reach me--and that's one of the reasons she's an ex-wife. Her go to manipulation tactic was this sort of ask for some sort of compromise or make some sort of promise with absolutely not intention of keeping her end of the bargain.

TedDoesntTalk 5y ago
Same experience with my current wife. Has yours remarried?
- oceanghost 5y ago
  She has not, but she's living with someone. I have not met him, but I can tell he's falling for the manipulation because I'm picking up my daughter from HIM most days instead of her (meaning, he's doing her dirtywork like driving our daughter places). She was the kind of person, if you weren't doing exactly what she wanted you to, you were a piece of shit. Once I realized what was going on (our early relationship was much, much different, I would have never married someone like this) I stopped paying this game and it infuriated her to not have power over me. Could I throw something at you-- I am sorry to be rude-- could it be your wife thinks you are cheating or is cheating herself? This was what I think was driving my ex-wife's behavior. One, to verify that I was at work and not cheating, and to make sure I was at work so she could cheat herself.
  - TedDoesntTalk 5y ago
    Wow , so many similarities. I don’t know about the cheating angle. It is possible she is but in wouldn’t know when she’s have the time for it.
    - oceanghost 5y ago
      I am sorry to hear that. If I can be a resource for you at all let me know. It might be better for you to learn from my mistakes than yours.
      - TedDoesntTalk 5y ago
        how do i reach you?
        oceanghost 5y ago
        I know its been a week-- had some life happen. My e-mail address is in my profile.
  - oceanghost 5y ago
    grrr, I meant I haven't seen them together not I haven't met him.
  - Max_aaa 5y ago
    Man, so many similarities with my life. This were only clear once I was out of her sphere of influence and only then I was able to see the manipulation and gas-lighting. Now she tries to use our child as a manipulation tool, as that is the only aspect of my life that she has any input to.
    - oceanghost 5y ago
      Christ. Same here. The ex moved 45 mins away and insisted I pick up and drop off the child. When I started refusing, she just abandoned the kid at her mothers house, betting correctly that I would comply (which i had to). We had a legal agreement at my ex's insistence that we wouldn't disparage each-other. Now and then I hear from my daughter how I'm a "bad daddy"-- I have never said a single bad thing about my ex to my kiddo despite her cheating, stealing money, using my family and lying to not only our friends and family but the police to get custody. If you need support or anything, I'm happy to lend an ear.
      - Max_aaa 5y ago
        We might have been married to the same person... The lying is the kicker. We had an agreement that the kid will go a certain school, after I bough her half of the house, someone changed their mind. I complied and moved to be in the zone of the new school, then someone changed their mind again. But the 2nd time it is go as court/lawyers sided with me. I never discuss her with the kid, but I get same tidbits from him as you from your daughter. Children know a good parent, so just do your best. They will love you regardless of what they hear. The latest thing was her not wanting to handover his medication on handover.
        TedDoesntTalk 5y ago
        how can we contact each other?
dboreham 5y ago
Quick note (probably too late) that the behavior you describe is a classic symptom of something the DSM-5 calls "Borderline Personality Disorder".
- oceanghost 5y ago
  My brother who is a mental health professional says she's an avoidant-- but I think she may be both frankly.
hughrr 5y ago
I feel for you. It’s embarrassing, manipulative and soul crushing.
- oceanghost 5y ago
  One lives and one learns my friend :)

TedDoesntTalk 5y ago

Same experience with my current wife. Has yours remarried?

oceanghost 5y ago
She has not, but she's living with someone. I have not met him, but I can tell he's falling for the manipulation because I'm picking up my daughter from HIM most days instead of her (meaning, he's doing her dirtywork like driving our daughter places). She was the kind of person, if you weren't doing exactly what she wanted you to, you were a piece of shit. Once I realized what was going on (our early relationship was much, much different, I would have never married someone like this) I stopped paying this game and it infuriated her to not have power over me. Could I throw something at you-- I am sorry to be rude-- could it be your wife thinks you are cheating or is cheating herself? This was what I think was driving my ex-wife's behavior. One, to verify that I was at work and not cheating, and to make sure I was at work so she could cheat herself.
- TedDoesntTalk 5y ago
  Wow , so many similarities. I don’t know about the cheating angle. It is possible she is but in wouldn’t know when she’s have the time for it.
  - oceanghost 5y ago
    I am sorry to hear that. If I can be a resource for you at all let me know. It might be better for you to learn from my mistakes than yours.
    - TedDoesntTalk 5y ago
      how do i reach you?
      - oceanghost 5y ago
        I know its been a week-- had some life happen. My e-mail address is in my profile.
- oceanghost 5y ago
  grrr, I meant I haven't seen them together not I haven't met him.
- Max_aaa 5y ago
  Man, so many similarities with my life. This were only clear once I was out of her sphere of influence and only then I was able to see the manipulation and gas-lighting. Now she tries to use our child as a manipulation tool, as that is the only aspect of my life that she has any input to.
  - oceanghost 5y ago
    Christ. Same here. The ex moved 45 mins away and insisted I pick up and drop off the child. When I started refusing, she just abandoned the kid at her mothers house, betting correctly that I would comply (which i had to). We had a legal agreement at my ex's insistence that we wouldn't disparage each-other. Now and then I hear from my daughter how I'm a "bad daddy"-- I have never said a single bad thing about my ex to my kiddo despite her cheating, stealing money, using my family and lying to not only our friends and family but the police to get custody. If you need support or anything, I'm happy to lend an ear.
    - Max_aaa 5y ago
      We might have been married to the same person... The lying is the kicker. We had an agreement that the kid will go a certain school, after I bough her half of the house, someone changed their mind. I complied and moved to be in the zone of the new school, then someone changed their mind again. But the 2nd time it is go as court/lawyers sided with me. I never discuss her with the kid, but I get same tidbits from him as you from your daughter. Children know a good parent, so just do your best. They will love you regardless of what they hear. The latest thing was her not wanting to handover his medication on handover.
      - TedDoesntTalk 5y ago
        how can we contact each other?

dboreham 5y ago

Quick note (probably too late) that the behavior you describe is a classic symptom of something the DSM-5 calls "Borderline Personality Disorder".

oceanghost 5y ago
My brother who is a mental health professional says she's an avoidant-- but I think she may be both frankly.

hughrr 5y ago

I feel for you. It’s embarrassing, manipulative and soul crushing.

oceanghost 5y ago
One lives and one learns my friend :)