4 ms·

I feel a lot of empathy for OP, but there are some choices I find very difficult to understand. > our child, with life-saving intervention, surgeries, and ther

I feel a lot of empathy for OP, but there are some choices I find very difficult to understand. > our child, with life-saving intervention, surgeries, and therapy, could, and should live a happy, healthy, fulfilled life, at least until adulthood Sorry, but I can't grasp why you would condemn a 24 weeks old fetus to a life of a) possibly not suffering and b) only living until you're 20 or so years old, when you have the choice of termination. Even if (and that's a big if) you try your best and your child lives until she's a young adult, all of that will be taken from her in her young age because you made the decision to give birth to her regardless, even if you knew all the hardships that would be coming for her. I am very sorry for her death, but a lot of suffering could have been avoided if they had listened to their medical professionals.

lucretian 5y ago
> condemn a 24 weeks old fetus diagnosed at 21 weeks, in fact. important because the difference between 21 and 24 weeks crosses the boundary of legality in many states. furthermore, right wing activists are constantly agitating to lower the threshold even further. had that been the case here, this family would have discovered the congenital defect at the anatomy scan only afterwards. > listened to their medical professionals it's highly unlikely that their care team would have actively recommended termination. standard is to explain the diagnosis, the prognosis, and the options to continue the pregnancy or terminate. then leave it to the family to decide.
- kingsloi 5y ago
  Thank you, this is exactly my argument. Early COVID, late appointment, we had days to decide, and once the limit had passed, I/we no longer considered it an option and the only other options were to intervene with surgeries, or, to have her live out her natural life.
  - lucretian 5y ago
    are you the parent in the link? i'm sorry you went through this. nobody should judge you for your choice. it is exactly that - your choice - which pro-choice people advocate for. for you and other parents in these incredibly difficult circumstances to be fully educated, fully informed, and empowered to make whatever decision is right for you.
kingsloi 5y ago
Honestly, I'd be lying if I said I don't agree. We didn't know about half of my daughter's conditions until after she was born. We lived in Indiana, and had treatment in Illinois, because of whatever laws, we were rushed into deciding whether to continue with the pregnancy, but after I had seen her little face/profile on the CT scan, I knew I had to meet her, and I loved every single moment with my little girl, I'd do it again if I could have more time with her. But in hindsight, watching her battle through her 8 months, the 9 surgeries, the horrific recoveries, the constant diagnosis', watching her code in front of me and the nurse's chest compressions break her ribs in the process. We tried to make her life as beautiful as we could, but she really suffered, more than I or anyone could imagine, and now I have the imagine of her last breathe imprinted in my head, and watching videos of her in the hospital and hearing the beeps and alarms is super triggering. My wife and I were lucky that we made it, considering parents of children with disabilities commonly result in divorce. It was one of the most horrific things I/my wife have ever gone through, and we've both lost parents as teens. I know many couples/relationships/children aren't so lucky. Anyway, I'm going to advocate for: - more testing when abnormalities are found at 20-22 week scan - extend termination limits to allow for further testing to be carried out - advocate for easier access to terminations, support parents on how difficult the process will be, whether they can handle it, resources on when times are difficult, etc - regardless of my daughter's diagnosis/disabilities, she didn't qualify for Medicaid off the bat, she actually passed away without any government assistance, even though she severely disabled. So obviously, advocate for children of disabilities and everything wrong with this post

lucretian 5y ago

> condemn a 24 weeks old fetus diagnosed at 21 weeks, in fact. important because the difference between 21 and 24 weeks crosses the boundary of legality in many states. furthermore, right wing activists are constantly agitating to lower the threshold even further. had that been the case here, this family would have discovered the congenital defect at the anatomy scan only afterwards. > listened to their medical professionals it's highly unlikely that their care team would have actively recommended termination. standard is to explain the diagnosis, the prognosis, and the options to continue the pregnancy or terminate. then leave it to the family to decide.

kingsloi 5y ago
Thank you, this is exactly my argument. Early COVID, late appointment, we had days to decide, and once the limit had passed, I/we no longer considered it an option and the only other options were to intervene with surgeries, or, to have her live out her natural life.
- lucretian 5y ago
  are you the parent in the link? i'm sorry you went through this. nobody should judge you for your choice. it is exactly that - your choice - which pro-choice people advocate for. for you and other parents in these incredibly difficult circumstances to be fully educated, fully informed, and empowered to make whatever decision is right for you.

kingsloi 5y ago

Honestly, I'd be lying if I said I don't agree. We didn't know about half of my daughter's conditions until after she was born. We lived in Indiana, and had treatment in Illinois, because of whatever laws, we were rushed into deciding whether to continue with the pregnancy, but after I had seen her little face/profile on the CT scan, I knew I had to meet her, and I loved every single moment with my little girl, I'd do it again if I could have more time with her. But in hindsight, watching her battle through her 8 months, the 9 surgeries, the horrific recoveries, the constant diagnosis', watching her code in front of me and the nurse's chest compressions break her ribs in the process. We tried to make her life as beautiful as we could, but she really suffered, more than I or anyone could imagine, and now I have the imagine of her last breathe imprinted in my head, and watching videos of her in the hospital and hearing the beeps and alarms is super triggering. My wife and I were lucky that we made it, considering parents of children with disabilities commonly result in divorce. It was one of the most horrific things I/my wife have ever gone through, and we've both lost parents as teens. I know many couples/relationships/children aren't so lucky. Anyway, I'm going to advocate for: - more testing when abnormalities are found at 20-22 week scan - extend termination limits to allow for further testing to be carried out - advocate for easier access to terminations, support parents on how difficult the process will be, whether they can handle it, resources on when times are difficult, etc - regardless of my daughter's diagnosis/disabilities, she didn't qualify for Medicaid off the bat, she actually passed away without any government assistance, even though she severely disabled. So obviously, advocate for children of disabilities and everything wrong with this post