4 ms·

> Are you actually going to remember every single one? You won't, but many kids will remember that single time their parents weren't there for them, or that si

> Are you actually going to remember every single one? You won't, but many kids will remember that single time their parents weren't there for them, or that single time that something did happen that they didn't like. Or that their parent was always bored or checked out whenever they came to events. The solution isn't to pretend kids are okay with anything, it's to be realistic about the trade-offs you choose to make.

daggersandscars 5y ago
The critical thing is to talk to the kid about what can be expected and when. Let them know when you'll be there and be present when you are. Involve the kid in determining when you'll be there if you can. For the times you can't go, talk to the kid about how it went, what was good/bad, etc, taking the kid's lead if they're not feeling like talking about it. I played baseball as a kid, age ~8 - 12. My parents sat me down when I signed up and explained that they could not be there for every game but would be there when they could. If there was a game that I specifically wanted them to attend, to let them know ahead of time. They asked me about every game they couldn't attend, were excited if I was, dropped it if I didn't want to talk about it, etc. There were times I was sad they weren't there (grand slam home run, great plays). There were times when I was happy they weren't there (struck out every at bat on bad pitches, dropped an easy catch, etc). But I knew ahead of time if they'd be there, which was what made it easier for kid-me to understand and deal with. This was how most of the families did it. The other parents got to know the friends of their kids and would cheer for them, too, which made it a friendly environment.
- silicon2401 5y ago
  The situation you described is exactly what I was talking about. It sounds healthy, loving, and happy, while also working around the realities of life and emotions. Sounds like a great arrangement.
triceratops 5y ago
I genuinely have no recollection of what my parents did at my baseball games or practice. In general they were loving and very involved as parents, so I'm sure they were watching when I was at bat. But I was just focused on the game.
- silicon2401 5y ago
  > You won't, but many kids I never said all kids, I said many kids.
klyrs 5y ago
Key difference between practices and events. Practices are boring, and parents being checked out or plain absent during practice is perfectly fine. Recitals and performances are a big deal.
- silicon2401 5y ago
  > You won't, but many kids I didn't say every kid, I said many kids. Maybe you think it's fine if your parents are checked out, but not all kids do. Why assume and not just treat the kid like a human, ask them how they feel, and go from there? Otherwise you may end up in one of the countless scenarios where the kid harbors lifelong resentment for things the parent thought was perfectly fine to do. If you haven't witnessed such scenarios firsthand, that's lucky for you and your loved ones.

daggersandscars 5y ago

The critical thing is to talk to the kid about what can be expected and when. Let them know when you'll be there and be present when you are. Involve the kid in determining when you'll be there if you can. For the times you can't go, talk to the kid about how it went, what was good/bad, etc, taking the kid's lead if they're not feeling like talking about it. I played baseball as a kid, age ~8 - 12. My parents sat me down when I signed up and explained that they could not be there for every game but would be there when they could. If there was a game that I specifically wanted them to attend, to let them know ahead of time. They asked me about every game they couldn't attend, were excited if I was, dropped it if I didn't want to talk about it, etc. There were times I was sad they weren't there (grand slam home run, great plays). There were times when I was happy they weren't there (struck out every at bat on bad pitches, dropped an easy catch, etc). But I knew ahead of time if they'd be there, which was what made it easier for kid-me to understand and deal with. This was how most of the families did it. The other parents got to know the friends of their kids and would cheer for them, too, which made it a friendly environment.

silicon2401 5y ago
The situation you described is exactly what I was talking about. It sounds healthy, loving, and happy, while also working around the realities of life and emotions. Sounds like a great arrangement.

triceratops 5y ago

I genuinely have no recollection of what my parents did at my baseball games or practice. In general they were loving and very involved as parents, so I'm sure they were watching when I was at bat. But I was just focused on the game.

silicon2401 5y ago
> You won't, but many kids I never said all kids, I said many kids.

klyrs 5y ago

Key difference between practices and events. Practices are boring, and parents being checked out or plain absent during practice is perfectly fine. Recitals and performances are a big deal.

silicon2401 5y ago
> You won't, but many kids I didn't say every kid, I said many kids. Maybe you think it's fine if your parents are checked out, but not all kids do. Why assume and not just treat the kid like a human, ask them how they feel, and go from there? Otherwise you may end up in one of the countless scenarios where the kid harbors lifelong resentment for things the parent thought was perfectly fine to do. If you haven't witnessed such scenarios firsthand, that's lucky for you and your loved ones.