5 ms·

Something about the way you're framing this seems kind of off. I can tell you're thinking that of course you are the good guy here, you have no ill intentions a

by cactus2093 5y ago

Something about the way you're framing this seems kind of off. I can tell you're thinking that of course you are the good guy here, you have no ill intentions and giving a compliment is an objectively good thing, you just need to find the right way to make the other person realize that this is a good thing. But no social interaction is objectively good, it always depends on what the other person wants and how they perceive it. You're really focusing this around your desire to give a compliment, and not really considering the other person's desire to receive a compliment or not. Some people in some situations just don't want a stranger to come up and compliment them, or maybe talk to them at all, and it has nothing to do with you personally. Particularly on a train, you're not talking about at a cocktail party or something where the whole reason that everyone is there is to have social interactions. On the train some people just want to get to their destination and not receive compliments and that should be fine. > where I'm briskly turned away for the audacity to talk to such a person Oh the audacity, for someone to not want the same social interaction that you do!! Just because you're an extrovert doesn't mean everyone you come across needs to want to talk to you. Get over yourself!

whatshisface 5y ago
>Some people in some situations just don't want a stranger to come up and compliment them, or maybe talk to them at all But on the other hand, feeling avoided can be just as bad as feeling invaded. You're focusing on someone not wanting a stranger to talk to them, which does happen, but there's also the possibility that they are bored, or not socially anxious, and would like or not mind a brief interaction. You can't gauge what they feel about it until after you say the first thing, which is why the best approach is to say something without a lot of consequence, see their reaction, and then either leave them alone or keep talking depending on what preference they display.
- cactus2093 5y ago
  Sure, I think that's fine. What was off-putting about the parent comment is the way they seem determined to not take no for an answer, and judge the other person if their preference is not to talk.
  - whatshisface 5y ago
    >they seem determined to not take no for an answer But from the parent comment, >To combat that and to not sound like I'm trying to strike up conversation, when I give compliments to strangers I do it casually and as I'm leaving their vicinity It sounds like they understand the principle of not making people feel cornered very well.
    - cactus2093 5y ago
      > It sounds like they understand the principle of not making people feel cornered very well. It sounds like they found a way to continue to do the thing that other people are finding creepy, but not have to deal with the awkwardness that comes from sticking around long enough to see the other person's reaction.
      - whatshisface 5y ago
        The only example I saw was complementing someone on their clothing, which many people would consider fairly well within the lines. Would you tend to disagree, or are you supposing that anyone who is concerned about being creepy has an accurate self-image? Unfortunately social anxiety is very common. Ironically, the fact that people associate confidence with being in the right is the exact bias that you-know-what group has learned to exploit.
      - dolni 5y ago
        It seems to me like you would be the type of person to respond to "good morning" with "don't tell me what type of day to have!" Nobody is a mind reader. If your best response to someone trying to put positivity in the world is to tell them how badly they're fucking up, that says a lot more about you than it does about them. Normal, well-adjusted people appreciate a genuine compliment and it can really brighten one's day. Grumpy people are going to be grumpy anyway. I am not going to let grumpy people hold me back, personally. But all that said, thanks for at least providing a different perspective. Even if I do find it highly unagreeable.
        5y ago

whatshisface 5y ago

>Some people in some situations just don't want a stranger to come up and compliment them, or maybe talk to them at all But on the other hand, feeling avoided can be just as bad as feeling invaded. You're focusing on someone not wanting a stranger to talk to them, which does happen, but there's also the possibility that they are bored, or not socially anxious, and would like or not mind a brief interaction. You can't gauge what they feel about it until after you say the first thing, which is why the best approach is to say something without a lot of consequence, see their reaction, and then either leave them alone or keep talking depending on what preference they display.

cactus2093 5y ago
Sure, I think that's fine. What was off-putting about the parent comment is the way they seem determined to not take no for an answer, and judge the other person if their preference is not to talk.
- whatshisface 5y ago
  >they seem determined to not take no for an answer But from the parent comment, >To combat that and to not sound like I'm trying to strike up conversation, when I give compliments to strangers I do it casually and as I'm leaving their vicinity It sounds like they understand the principle of not making people feel cornered very well.
  - cactus2093 5y ago
    > It sounds like they understand the principle of not making people feel cornered very well. It sounds like they found a way to continue to do the thing that other people are finding creepy, but not have to deal with the awkwardness that comes from sticking around long enough to see the other person's reaction.
    - whatshisface 5y ago
      The only example I saw was complementing someone on their clothing, which many people would consider fairly well within the lines. Would you tend to disagree, or are you supposing that anyone who is concerned about being creepy has an accurate self-image? Unfortunately social anxiety is very common. Ironically, the fact that people associate confidence with being in the right is the exact bias that you-know-what group has learned to exploit.
    - dolni 5y ago
      It seems to me like you would be the type of person to respond to "good morning" with "don't tell me what type of day to have!" Nobody is a mind reader. If your best response to someone trying to put positivity in the world is to tell them how badly they're fucking up, that says a lot more about you than it does about them. Normal, well-adjusted people appreciate a genuine compliment and it can really brighten one's day. Grumpy people are going to be grumpy anyway. I am not going to let grumpy people hold me back, personally. But all that said, thanks for at least providing a different perspective. Even if I do find it highly unagreeable.
      - 5y ago