4 ms·

Receiving compliments has always made me squirm, even suspicious. Mr Bill Borkman was my church's 5th & 6th grade sunday school teacher. Everyone's grandpa. Wo

Receiving compliments has always made me squirm, even suspicious. Mr Bill Borkman was my church's 5th & 6th grade sunday school teacher. Everyone's grandpa. Wow, he could make you squirm. When I was 19, during our congregation's coffee time (after service), I asked Mr Borkman why he complimented everyone. He got real serious. Turned off the charm. First time I'd ever seen him not be jolly. He faced me directly. "u/specialist, my parents are gone, my wife is dead, ... So many things I wish I'd said to people I care about. So I'm telling you to give flowers to the living. Because when they're dead, it's too late." A few moments later, he shook off the serious talk and resumed being jolly. It's taken me DECADES to learn how to be positive, give compliments, and sometimes even receive compliments. Over time, being consistent, unselfconscious, having zero expectations, the people in your life will start to catch on too. The whole world is shit, everything is shit, people are shit. Choosing to be positive and present is a coping strategy. It's definitely against my nature. Compliments and other acts of kindness help. Just a little. Worth it.

Y_Y 5y ago
Great story, thanks.
tailspin2019 5y ago
Great story, thanks for sharing It reminds me of the famous Victor Frankyl quote: “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” Our ability to take the high road, pause, and choose to be nice is uniquely human. Even if we’re not “feeling” it inside, or even if the other person hasn’t been that nice towards us. We can choose to be happy. We can choose to be kind towards others. We also, largely, suck at both. But the choice is definitely ours to make.
- raducu 5y ago
  That is soooo easy to say and extremely hard to do. "Just choose to respond in a different way than you would respond and pull yourself up." I've recently started taking a stimulant for ADHD and while it kind of sucks for focusing and it's ruining my sleep, it's a MIRACLE for my impulsivity and frustration tolerance. I complained to my psychiatrist about the lack of focus, but only now can I see how my impulsivity has screwed so many parts of my life.
  - tailspin2019 5y ago
    > That is soooo easy to say and extremely hard to do. Yeah completely agree. It’s useful at least to know that we do have that choice, even if it’s hard to make that choice sometimes. The first step is simply knowing that it’s an option I guess.
Rd6n6 5y ago
> Receiving compliments has always made me squirm, even suspicious. To add to that, it feels weird to GIVE compliments for the same reason: fear that somebody will be suspicious that you're flattering or "sucking up." If they think you're flattering them, they might feel like you don't respect them, which is the opposite of the intention. This is 10x as true if the other person is your boss. There must be some art to how you deliver it that helps with that
- sharken 5y ago
  When it's sincere i really don't care about the mind games of giving a compliment. But then the threshold for giving a compliment is probably too high, in the workplace it's reserved for those truly doing a difference.

Y_Y 5y ago

Great story, thanks.

tailspin2019 5y ago

Great story, thanks for sharing It reminds me of the famous Victor Frankyl quote: “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” Our ability to take the high road, pause, and choose to be nice is uniquely human. Even if we’re not “feeling” it inside, or even if the other person hasn’t been that nice towards us. We can choose to be happy. We can choose to be kind towards others. We also, largely, suck at both. But the choice is definitely ours to make.

raducu 5y ago
That is soooo easy to say and extremely hard to do. "Just choose to respond in a different way than you would respond and pull yourself up." I've recently started taking a stimulant for ADHD and while it kind of sucks for focusing and it's ruining my sleep, it's a MIRACLE for my impulsivity and frustration tolerance. I complained to my psychiatrist about the lack of focus, but only now can I see how my impulsivity has screwed so many parts of my life.
- tailspin2019 5y ago
  > That is soooo easy to say and extremely hard to do. Yeah completely agree. It’s useful at least to know that we do have that choice, even if it’s hard to make that choice sometimes. The first step is simply knowing that it’s an option I guess.

Rd6n6 5y ago

> Receiving compliments has always made me squirm, even suspicious. To add to that, it feels weird to GIVE compliments for the same reason: fear that somebody will be suspicious that you're flattering or "sucking up." If they think you're flattering them, they might feel like you don't respect them, which is the opposite of the intention. This is 10x as true if the other person is your boss. There must be some art to how you deliver it that helps with that

sharken 5y ago
When it's sincere i really don't care about the mind games of giving a compliment. But then the threshold for giving a compliment is probably too high, in the workplace it's reserved for those truly doing a difference.