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Those particular behaviors were not OK to her in that situation. Had the situation been framed differently, she might not have even mentioned them at all. What

• sp332 15y ago
  Well, there's a big difference between saying "I felt uncomfortable in this particular situation" vs. saying "No guy should ever behave this way." I feel like she was saying the latter, and I've given it a lot of thought and I think that's not fair. Somehow I feel like she should take responsibility for feeling uncomfortable (which is fine, ethically) instead of blaming the guy for making her uncomfortable (which would be bad, ethically). I'll probably just throw out this anecdote entirely and not learn anything from it. Oh well.
  • mattgreenrocks 15y ago
    Maybe. But drawing a conclusion for most females with n = 2 seems...tremulous. And expecting some sort of resolution between two different situations for which you don't have the complete context (nonverbals are key) is also going to be difficult. Now that I think about it, if you're looking for your own reference point, you might as well start with whatever your gut says, and alter from there. You'll learn quickly where you need to be. You're probably going to be too aggressive or too timid, and the only way to learn is to get out there. I was too timid, and some girls cut me some slack...but many did not. But I don't regret being too timid (despite missed opportunities) because, well, that was me, and I had to learn those things. I'm with a wonderful woman now, and am pretty close to where I'd like to be, and where I feel I should be on this scale. Best of luck.