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Do you have teenage children?

fsloth 5y ago
I do and would agree smashing a phone is terrible example. If anything it shows authority has been lost and the parent is flailing desperately. Sure, you can get compliance just like you can get compliance by pepper spraying someone but it's not how to do good parenting. You can of course remove the phone if it seems it's warranted. Parents are eligible to critical interventions IMO. There are times when parents actually need to intervene. But this intervention should be taken from a position of dignity, authority, respect and minimal violence. The quality of intervention depends on the situation. As a parent of a slightly autistic child for example I've had to restrain the child physically to stop the child for harming themself or the anyone else during a meltdown. I would never smash any of my childs property. Remove - yes, if the situation warrants it.
- austincheney 5y ago
  I have found, through practice, that temporary removal entices false incentives when the actual problem is substance addiction because it doesn’t remove/repair the problematic behavior. If only it were limited to noncompliance you probably wouldn’t have to go as far as removal.
  - fsloth 5y ago
    Actually we had a severe youtube and game problem. Not just being glued to it, but up to a point were the child became a "zombi" just wanting the screen. Removing the phone temporarily, and then saying unless limits were followed the phone would be removed again actually worked. This of course needed to be repeated at every lapse. The most difficult thing as a parent was being thoroughly consistent - no ifs or buts. It would create a terrible scene every time. But after a few bouts things became much better. But kid's are different. It totally varies from person to person what works and not.
cortesoft 5y ago
I have kids, but they are not yet teenagers. I could see taking the phone away, or even selling it… but smashing it is both wasteful and sets a bad example for how we deal with issues.

I do and would agree smashing a phone is terrible example. If anything it shows authority has been lost and the parent is flailing desperately. Sure, you can get compliance just like you can get compliance by pepper spraying someone but it's not how to do good parenting. You can of course remove the phone if it seems it's warranted. Parents are eligible to critical interventions IMO. There are times when parents actually need to intervene. But this intervention should be taken from a position of dignity, authority, respect and minimal violence. The quality of intervention depends on the situation. As a parent of a slightly autistic child for example I've had to restrain the child physically to stop the child for harming themself or the anyone else during a meltdown. I would never smash any of my childs property. Remove - yes, if the situation warrants it.

austincheney 5y ago
I have found, through practice, that temporary removal entices false incentives when the actual problem is substance addiction because it doesn’t remove/repair the problematic behavior. If only it were limited to noncompliance you probably wouldn’t have to go as far as removal.
- fsloth 5y ago
  Actually we had a severe youtube and game problem. Not just being glued to it, but up to a point were the child became a "zombi" just wanting the screen. Removing the phone temporarily, and then saying unless limits were followed the phone would be removed again actually worked. This of course needed to be repeated at every lapse. The most difficult thing as a parent was being thoroughly consistent - no ifs or buts. It would create a terrible scene every time. But after a few bouts things became much better. But kid's are different. It totally varies from person to person what works and not.

cortesoft 5y ago

I have kids, but they are not yet teenagers. I could see taking the phone away, or even selling it… but smashing it is both wasteful and sets a bad example for how we deal with issues.