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Speaking from experience, if you keep that up, your kids will break contact with you as soon as they are old enough. If you decide that your parenting style is

Speaking from experience, if you keep that up, your kids will break contact with you as soon as they are old enough. If you decide that your parenting style is “fuck off,” you can expect the same attitude from your kids towards you when you are older. Hope you are ready to die on this hill.

austincheney 5y ago
If that’s what happens only because you set boundaries around social media there are far deeper failures already in place.
- anonymousab 5y ago
  > only because you set boundaries around social media Social media is social interaction. It's an inextricable part, if not the centerpiece for many kids these days. This is the modern equivalent of saying "no friends allowed"/"you can only see and talk to your friends for a couple of minutes a day", as hyperbolic as that may seem. Extreme rejection and rebellion is a logical outcome from that.
  - austincheney 5y ago
    It’s not the centerpiece if you are doing your job as a parent. > Extreme rejection and rebellion is a logical outcome from that. If that’s the result then you are failing as a parent.
    - ben_w 5y ago
      Network effects: your kids don’t get to hang out IRL if everyone else’s parents let their kids meet all their social needs from social media. Don’t get me wrong, I think the world would be a much better place if the big players in social media ceased to exist, but no single person can act as an island, and you need to understand the problem well enough to give your kids alternatives rather than just put your foot down and say “no” — even us adults have trouble staying off whichever social network our friends and family use.
      - austincheney 5y ago
        How is it an island if they socialize in the real world? They text their friends from the real world and share memes with each other all day. They don’t need a social media account to do any of that.
        iamstupidsimple 5y ago
        Here on this website, we spend an awful lot of time discussing how one person remote working on a team who are in-person can easily lead to being forgotten. This is similar. When somebody is putting an event together and goes through their contact list on FB, you not being there puts you at a small disadvantage. If you're socially awkward in-person, it can really set you back.
        austincheney 5y ago
        It makes me wonder how these socially inept people lived life before Facebook ran their lives for them. Perhaps they cared about things more than following some high school drop out they once knew in a prior life decades before.
        ben_w 5y ago
        Facebook is a misaligned AI whose sole purpose is to put adverts in front of as many eyeball-seconds as possible. It is trying to manipulate us to that end, and with 2.8 billion people to practice on, it’s also very effective; much like junk food, it gives users the sensation of being good even though it isn’t. All of the big networks are trying to do that, with varying degrees of success. This isn’t about being “socially inept” — if everyone simultaneously agreed to not use social media, we could and would all go back to what we did before[0] — but even knowing the nature of the beast, dismissing its power, its pull, its allure, is a Canute move. [0] @iamstupidsimple was saying people not on the contact list would be more likely to be forgotten, and that’s true regardless of if the person not on the list is socially awkward or highly charismatic; before Facebook, the list was a piece of paper, but the same applies to that paper list.
    - lupire 5y ago
      I suspect you may be in for a rude awakening in your relationship with your kids, and probably your kids are doing things behind your back.
      - austincheney 5y ago
        Why would you suspect that?
        trulyme 5y ago
        Not GP, but agree with them. In my opinion: because you don't show respect for them. What would your reaction be if someone said that to you and you were powerless to do much about it? Of course, this is all judging just by the tone of your posts, so it might not be (and I hope it isn't) a true reflection of reality. Kids are smart, they just lack experience. But they still deserve respect from day 1, and if they have it then most of the usual parenting problems never surface.
        austincheney 5y ago
        If I didn’t respect them I would let them do anything they wanted. > Of course, this is all judging just by the tone of your posts That is quite the assumption. Perhaps I communicate less delicately than you are accustomed.
  - mixmastamyk 5y ago
    A lot of folks addicted to social media think it's important that kids get addicted too, like smoking in the old days. Truth is they'd be better off without it, for as long as possible. Focusing on media instead of school is a great way to end up working at a gas station later in life.
    - imhoguy 5y ago
      What is wrong with working at gas station? Here at my times kids were told they would be shoveling dirt if they had neglected school. It may be anegdotal but I know many of such school low performers who today own excavators, dumper trucks fleet, construction businesses. The point is they do much better than some of their now blue collar school peers burned out after years of studying and "career" often pushed to impress parents and social circle.
      - mixmastamyk 5y ago
        Nothing wrong, but you’ll probably be happier achieving a little more.
      - kortilla 5y ago
        > What is wrong with working at gas station? It’s a dead-end job with no fulfillment, low pay, low flexibility, and not much free time for intellectual growth. > who today own excavators, dumper trucks fleet, construction businesses Cool, those are great things that are explicitly not “working at a gas station”.
    - Nullabillity 5y ago
      Anecdotally, focusing on school and "your future" 24/7 is a great way to end up alone, sad, and directionless in some apartment later in life. Or in a ditch somewhere, when the pressure gets too much.
      - mixmastamyk 5y ago
        Those types typically land in the corner office in a skyscraper, or riding a dick into space. A problem few of us will have, with a simple solution.
ipaddr 5y ago
This is the I better be my child's best friend or do what they want or they won't like me and will never talk to me again parenting dtyle. In the end you don't want to be friends you want to set clear guidelines and expectations. Venting f-bombs teaches them to vent f-bombs.. not great. Your kids will be back for money regardless..
- dragonwriter 5y ago
  > > If you decide that your parenting style is “fuck off,” you can expect the same attitude from your kids towards you when you are older. > This is the I better be my child's best friend or do what they want or they won't like me and will never talk to me again parenting style. No, there's a great honking excluded middle there between the “fuck off” parenting style and the “I must be my kids best friend” style.
  - austincheney 5y ago
    While that’s true the GP mentioned children breaking contact and never speaking to their parents again as though there is some permanent catastrophic trauma which is out of scope to the example expressed.

austincheney 5y ago

If that’s what happens only because you set boundaries around social media there are far deeper failures already in place.

anonymousab 5y ago
> only because you set boundaries around social media Social media is social interaction. It's an inextricable part, if not the centerpiece for many kids these days. This is the modern equivalent of saying "no friends allowed"/"you can only see and talk to your friends for a couple of minutes a day", as hyperbolic as that may seem. Extreme rejection and rebellion is a logical outcome from that.
- austincheney 5y ago
  It’s not the centerpiece if you are doing your job as a parent. > Extreme rejection and rebellion is a logical outcome from that. If that’s the result then you are failing as a parent.
  - ben_w 5y ago
    Network effects: your kids don’t get to hang out IRL if everyone else’s parents let their kids meet all their social needs from social media. Don’t get me wrong, I think the world would be a much better place if the big players in social media ceased to exist, but no single person can act as an island, and you need to understand the problem well enough to give your kids alternatives rather than just put your foot down and say “no” — even us adults have trouble staying off whichever social network our friends and family use.
    - austincheney 5y ago
      How is it an island if they socialize in the real world? They text their friends from the real world and share memes with each other all day. They don’t need a social media account to do any of that.
      - iamstupidsimple 5y ago
        Here on this website, we spend an awful lot of time discussing how one person remote working on a team who are in-person can easily lead to being forgotten. This is similar. When somebody is putting an event together and goes through their contact list on FB, you not being there puts you at a small disadvantage. If you're socially awkward in-person, it can really set you back.
        austincheney 5y ago
        It makes me wonder how these socially inept people lived life before Facebook ran their lives for them. Perhaps they cared about things more than following some high school drop out they once knew in a prior life decades before.
        ben_w 5y ago
        Facebook is a misaligned AI whose sole purpose is to put adverts in front of as many eyeball-seconds as possible. It is trying to manipulate us to that end, and with 2.8 billion people to practice on, it’s also very effective; much like junk food, it gives users the sensation of being good even though it isn’t. All of the big networks are trying to do that, with varying degrees of success. This isn’t about being “socially inept” — if everyone simultaneously agreed to not use social media, we could and would all go back to what we did before[0] — but even knowing the nature of the beast, dismissing its power, its pull, its allure, is a Canute move. [0] @iamstupidsimple was saying people not on the contact list would be more likely to be forgotten, and that’s true regardless of if the person not on the list is socially awkward or highly charismatic; before Facebook, the list was a piece of paper, but the same applies to that paper list.
  - lupire 5y ago
    I suspect you may be in for a rude awakening in your relationship with your kids, and probably your kids are doing things behind your back.
    - austincheney 5y ago
      Why would you suspect that?
      - trulyme 5y ago
        Not GP, but agree with them. In my opinion: because you don't show respect for them. What would your reaction be if someone said that to you and you were powerless to do much about it? Of course, this is all judging just by the tone of your posts, so it might not be (and I hope it isn't) a true reflection of reality. Kids are smart, they just lack experience. But they still deserve respect from day 1, and if they have it then most of the usual parenting problems never surface.
        austincheney 5y ago
        If I didn’t respect them I would let them do anything they wanted. > Of course, this is all judging just by the tone of your posts That is quite the assumption. Perhaps I communicate less delicately than you are accustomed.
- mixmastamyk 5y ago
  A lot of folks addicted to social media think it's important that kids get addicted too, like smoking in the old days. Truth is they'd be better off without it, for as long as possible. Focusing on media instead of school is a great way to end up working at a gas station later in life.
  - imhoguy 5y ago
    What is wrong with working at gas station? Here at my times kids were told they would be shoveling dirt if they had neglected school. It may be anegdotal but I know many of such school low performers who today own excavators, dumper trucks fleet, construction businesses. The point is they do much better than some of their now blue collar school peers burned out after years of studying and "career" often pushed to impress parents and social circle.
    - mixmastamyk 5y ago
      Nothing wrong, but you’ll probably be happier achieving a little more.
    - kortilla 5y ago
      > What is wrong with working at gas station? It’s a dead-end job with no fulfillment, low pay, low flexibility, and not much free time for intellectual growth. > who today own excavators, dumper trucks fleet, construction businesses Cool, those are great things that are explicitly not “working at a gas station”.
  - Nullabillity 5y ago
    Anecdotally, focusing on school and "your future" 24/7 is a great way to end up alone, sad, and directionless in some apartment later in life. Or in a ditch somewhere, when the pressure gets too much.
    - mixmastamyk 5y ago
      Those types typically land in the corner office in a skyscraper, or riding a dick into space. A problem few of us will have, with a simple solution.

ipaddr 5y ago

This is the I better be my child's best friend or do what they want or they won't like me and will never talk to me again parenting dtyle. In the end you don't want to be friends you want to set clear guidelines and expectations. Venting f-bombs teaches them to vent f-bombs.. not great. Your kids will be back for money regardless..

dragonwriter 5y ago
> > If you decide that your parenting style is “fuck off,” you can expect the same attitude from your kids towards you when you are older. > This is the I better be my child's best friend or do what they want or they won't like me and will never talk to me again parenting style. No, there's a great honking excluded middle there between the “fuck off” parenting style and the “I must be my kids best friend” style.
- austincheney 5y ago
  While that’s true the GP mentioned children breaking contact and never speaking to their parents again as though there is some permanent catastrophic trauma which is out of scope to the example expressed.