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For me tiktok is so depressing. I am single 25+ guy and seeing all those beautiful girls my age or younger makes me so sad. Than I can go to Tinder and match wi

For me tiktok is so depressing. I am single 25+ guy and seeing all those beautiful girls my age or younger makes me so sad. Than I can go to Tinder and match with pretty but not stunning girls and feel like I am getting robbed. And according to my friends I am easily in top 20% of attractiveness. Feel bad for rest of guys I guess this is life in 21 century. Governed by algorithms and feeling empty inside

dna_polymerase 5y ago
These responses get boring pretty quick. None of this is the real world. Start participating in the world off-screen. Start something new, drop bad habits and eventually you will fill that emptiness inside you. It's the same for everything people get hooked on, it changes you perception but in reality it's all in your mind.
- siscia 5y ago
  Yeah it is not always simple, we need empathy when dealing with this kind of problem, not brushing off people that may be having difficult times.
  - padastra 5y ago
    I don’t disagree with you on a personal level, but it is worth noting that “social disgust” is what has driven down tobacco rates as a population, even if it’s perhaps less effective for any one individual than empathy, etc.
  - etherwaste 5y ago
    Boohoo he's having a difficult time because his ego is so high he feels entitled to perfect little 15 year old Tik Tok girls to the point where he thinks women who are interested in him are "beneath him." World's smallest violin for the gross pervert misogynist.
  - rchaud 5y ago
    It's not "brushing off" to suggest that someone use their phone less. If picking up the phone is an automatic behaviour to fill moments of dullness, then that's a problem. All the empathy in the world won't save anyone here. On one side of that screen is you, alone. On the other side are an army of designers, developers and behavioural experts whose job it is to keep you looking at the screen for as long as possible.
    - deleted 5y ago
      [deleted]
siscia 5y ago
Man I feel you! Don't fall in the trap of social media / social-relationship. Girls on TikTok are beautiful as actress are beautiful, it takes a tons of effort to look so attractive effortlessly! Similar deal on tinder, maybe even worse. Go out and bound with real people in real life! Do the effort of being the first one to reach out. Feel ok with having friends that are busy and that may not reply immediately. But meet people outside internet, and you will be happier.
mherrmann 5y ago
I think this is a huge problem for many people born in the past 30 years. We see all these amazing people on (social) media and compare ourselves to them if they're the same sex, or feel attracted to them. I can only imagine what it does to the body image of 14yo girls. In a somewhat similar vein, boys in puberty masturbate to porn that sets completely unrealistic expectations with regards to their partners and experiences in real life. It is a huge, and I think not often-enough talked about, problem. I hope we will find a solution some day, but I have no idea what it could be.
- MeinBlutIstBlau 5y ago
  Its not just tech companies fault. There are a lot of fathers that dont teach their sons about sex and relationships. Often they just hope for the best. That is not how you raise a son to be effective in the dating world.
  - deleted 5y ago
    [deleted]
  - paulcole 5y ago
    If the fathers are bad at sex and relationships maybe doing nothing and hoping for the best is the right idea?
    - MeinBlutIstBlau 5y ago
      Evolutionarily, can you consider them a failure though? They've procreated. That checks the box for being "successful" but it doesn't mean your offspring will be.
      - hluska 5y ago
        Fatherhood is way more than transferring genes. That’s the fun part. The real work starts ~ 9 months later.
        5y ago
powerapple 5y ago
Sooner or later we just use algorithms to generate girls for you, so you can have whatever you wish to have.
- elliekelly 5y ago
  Women and girls aren’t objects to be generated by an algorithm on a whim to fulfill “whatever wish” a man may have. Women and girls are people.
- murukesh_s 5y ago
  or a VR headset with an addon - or even better direct stimulation of the brain.
thrwaway_tik 5y ago
Created throwaway account just to provide some insight. In terms of attractiveness, what you see on the internet is usually the top 1% of females, as there's strong effects of "winner takes all" when it comes to attention from the opposite sex. Now, highly ranking females on the internet are getting hit on by hundreds or even thousands of possible male suitors, and the ones with blue ticks, fame/money/clout are the ones taking those girls on dates. Again, winner takes all dynamic. On the flip side you can argue that it's not mentally healthy for those girls and their relationships, but internet addiction does bad things to ones brain. For young guys/girls it makes them depressed as it paints unrealistic standards and tricks the brain into believing lies. My humble advice for men is to work on themselves, improve one's sexual marketplace value and then look for a partner. My advice for attractive females is to be careful of capitalizing too much on their juvenile looks... Once accustomed to a lavish lifestyle, it's depressing when eventually one comes down from the pedestal.
- etherwaste 5y ago
  Misogynistic incel behavior.
- kevinventullo 5y ago
  My humble advice to you: start with reflecting on why you refer to women as “females”.
  - jsbdk 5y ago
    What's the difference? Some people make a big deal out of males/females vs men/women and I don't get it.
    - jfengel 5y ago
      "Male" and "female" sound clinical; they're terms you apply to animals. When applied to humans, not only does it sound demeaning, but it sounds deliberate -- as if trying to present a false objectivity. If nothing else, note that words do have shades of meaning. Even if you don't know what they are, you should assume that people "making a big deal" out of it are being honest about it. If you start with the assumption that they're doing so just to hurt you, then that relationship is in a dangerous place before you've even begun it. They may not even be able to explain why they think the word is a problem. They mostly just know that they've heard the word before in unpleasant contexts. Look up any incel group and you'll hear them talk about "females" in a derogatory way, presenting them as the enemy -- as a separate group to be treated with distance. People know what words are used by people who dislike them, and that taints those words in other contexts. So whether you get it or not, just trust that they do. Use the words they prefer, and avoid the ones they don't. It's just friendly and polite. If corrected say, "Oops, I didn't mean to do that," and then move on with the word they've asked for. It doesn't have to be a big deal if you don't make it a big deal; it can be over with just a quick change. It becomes hostile if you assume it's hostile.
stevewodil 5y ago
If you're really in the top 20% you should have no problems. Go out and try to game with girls.
- deleted 5y ago
  [deleted]
bongoman37 5y ago
The difference between pretty and stunning is a lot of work with makeup, lighting, dressing and so on. I dated a model briefly, she could change from and 8 to a 10 depending on how much effort and time she wanted to put in. This is true for guys too.
- etherwaste 5y ago
  Tik Tok also automatically edits your appearance with default filters.
  - rchaud 5y ago
    And front-facing cameras now come with face-smoothing features right out of the box. I have a Galaxy A51 (2020 phone) and even with the default settings, the FFC photos are much more generous in smoothing out your skin, than the regular rear camera.
    - isoprophlex 5y ago
      Wait what, is this for real? Do phones automatically beautify photos taken with the selfie cam? Why is this legal?! Isn't this a surefire recipe to create a generation of adolescents with insecurity/body issues? Every time you take a selfie it subtly confronts you with what could be better about you. It's like a fridge that whispers "you're a fatty" every time you open it.
      - rchaud 5y ago
        I finally realized it after wondering why I looked 'worse' in photos with friends, when the rear camera is being used to take the picture. That's when I did a rear v front photo comparison. The face smoothing effect is subtle, but it's definitely there. It's not as extreme as "filters" that can basically change your skin tone and texture. And it's possible that Samsung does this and not others. My last Samsung phone had this as well, and I usually buy from them.
      - hideo 5y ago
swiley 5y ago
You should get rid of your smartphone. They're designed to make you depressed so you respond better to ads.
mensetmanusman 5y ago
High expectations is the key to unhappiness.
etherwaste 5y ago
You're a gross person and should be ashamed.
system16 5y ago
I'm gonna go out on a limb but if this comment is reflective of your attitude, I don't think Tik Tok or algorithms are your biggest problem in establishing relationships with women.
- Panini_Jones 5y ago
  TikTok could be exacerbating this attitude in men who are already predisposed to feeling helpless in their dating efforts. I notice that I feel worse about my appearance when I've spent more time on TikTok. I also notice that I see more extremely conventionally attractive people on TikTok. I see the issue being more so with dating app algorithms, though. Those companies/algorithms are incentivized to keep men in the dating pool and paying Bumble/Tinder for dates. The best way to do this is to make those men think that they need to pay to win the game and will lose otherwise.
hluska 5y ago
At the risk of dating myself, can I give you some advice my Dad gave me in my early twenties? Shallowness is highly addictive and the more often you turn to it, the stronger the addiction gets.
analyte123 5y ago
The whole point of this post is that this is just TikTok reflecting your own desires back to you. Some part of you wants to obsess, ruminate over and feel bad about digitally enhanced and literally unattainable girls dancing to a camera on the other side of the world, you engage with Tiktok on that content, and then they show you more! The definition of a personal problem. Even though it is quite different than yours, my TikTok feed says a lot of things about me too, to the point that I am reluctant to scroll through it in someone else's presence.
- imbnwa 5y ago
  This is partially why I trained my TikTok to be a nature channel, the other part obviously being a desire for exploraion.
PrefixKitten 5y ago
in my past I have dated a women of a wide range of attractiveness and of all those girls the less attractive ones are actually the ones I'd put the most effort into getting back with... If the girl I'm with is pleasing to look at I'm content with that. How pleasing hardly matters
axaxs 5y ago
Quit judging partners by looks alone. Looks fade, character that clicks with you likely won't. The relationships I've had and hate most in my life are almost perfectly inversely proportional to how much time they spent trying to look 'beautiful.'

dna_polymerase 5y ago

These responses get boring pretty quick. None of this is the real world. Start participating in the world off-screen. Start something new, drop bad habits and eventually you will fill that emptiness inside you. It's the same for everything people get hooked on, it changes you perception but in reality it's all in your mind.

siscia 5y ago
Yeah it is not always simple, we need empathy when dealing with this kind of problem, not brushing off people that may be having difficult times.
- padastra 5y ago
  I don’t disagree with you on a personal level, but it is worth noting that “social disgust” is what has driven down tobacco rates as a population, even if it’s perhaps less effective for any one individual than empathy, etc.
- etherwaste 5y ago
  Boohoo he's having a difficult time because his ego is so high he feels entitled to perfect little 15 year old Tik Tok girls to the point where he thinks women who are interested in him are "beneath him." World's smallest violin for the gross pervert misogynist.
- rchaud 5y ago
  It's not "brushing off" to suggest that someone use their phone less. If picking up the phone is an automatic behaviour to fill moments of dullness, then that's a problem. All the empathy in the world won't save anyone here. On one side of that screen is you, alone. On the other side are an army of designers, developers and behavioural experts whose job it is to keep you looking at the screen for as long as possible.
  - deleted 5y ago
    [deleted]

siscia 5y ago

Man I feel you! Don't fall in the trap of social media / social-relationship. Girls on TikTok are beautiful as actress are beautiful, it takes a tons of effort to look so attractive effortlessly! Similar deal on tinder, maybe even worse. Go out and bound with real people in real life! Do the effort of being the first one to reach out. Feel ok with having friends that are busy and that may not reply immediately. But meet people outside internet, and you will be happier.

mherrmann 5y ago

I think this is a huge problem for many people born in the past 30 years. We see all these amazing people on (social) media and compare ourselves to them if they're the same sex, or feel attracted to them. I can only imagine what it does to the body image of 14yo girls. In a somewhat similar vein, boys in puberty masturbate to porn that sets completely unrealistic expectations with regards to their partners and experiences in real life. It is a huge, and I think not often-enough talked about, problem. I hope we will find a solution some day, but I have no idea what it could be.

MeinBlutIstBlau 5y ago
Its not just tech companies fault. There are a lot of fathers that dont teach their sons about sex and relationships. Often they just hope for the best. That is not how you raise a son to be effective in the dating world.
- deleted 5y ago
  [deleted]
- paulcole 5y ago
  If the fathers are bad at sex and relationships maybe doing nothing and hoping for the best is the right idea?
  - MeinBlutIstBlau 5y ago
    Evolutionarily, can you consider them a failure though? They've procreated. That checks the box for being "successful" but it doesn't mean your offspring will be.
    - hluska 5y ago
      Fatherhood is way more than transferring genes. That’s the fun part. The real work starts ~ 9 months later.
      - 5y ago

powerapple 5y ago

Sooner or later we just use algorithms to generate girls for you, so you can have whatever you wish to have.

elliekelly 5y ago
Women and girls aren’t objects to be generated by an algorithm on a whim to fulfill “whatever wish” a man may have. Women and girls are people.
murukesh_s 5y ago
or a VR headset with an addon - or even better direct stimulation of the brain.

thrwaway_tik 5y ago

Created throwaway account just to provide some insight. In terms of attractiveness, what you see on the internet is usually the top 1% of females, as there's strong effects of "winner takes all" when it comes to attention from the opposite sex. Now, highly ranking females on the internet are getting hit on by hundreds or even thousands of possible male suitors, and the ones with blue ticks, fame/money/clout are the ones taking those girls on dates. Again, winner takes all dynamic. On the flip side you can argue that it's not mentally healthy for those girls and their relationships, but internet addiction does bad things to ones brain. For young guys/girls it makes them depressed as it paints unrealistic standards and tricks the brain into believing lies. My humble advice for men is to work on themselves, improve one's sexual marketplace value and then look for a partner. My advice for attractive females is to be careful of capitalizing too much on their juvenile looks... Once accustomed to a lavish lifestyle, it's depressing when eventually one comes down from the pedestal.

etherwaste 5y ago
Misogynistic incel behavior.
kevinventullo 5y ago
My humble advice to you: start with reflecting on why you refer to women as “females”.
- jsbdk 5y ago
  What's the difference? Some people make a big deal out of males/females vs men/women and I don't get it.
  - jfengel 5y ago
    "Male" and "female" sound clinical; they're terms you apply to animals. When applied to humans, not only does it sound demeaning, but it sounds deliberate -- as if trying to present a false objectivity. If nothing else, note that words do have shades of meaning. Even if you don't know what they are, you should assume that people "making a big deal" out of it are being honest about it. If you start with the assumption that they're doing so just to hurt you, then that relationship is in a dangerous place before you've even begun it. They may not even be able to explain why they think the word is a problem. They mostly just know that they've heard the word before in unpleasant contexts. Look up any incel group and you'll hear them talk about "females" in a derogatory way, presenting them as the enemy -- as a separate group to be treated with distance. People know what words are used by people who dislike them, and that taints those words in other contexts. So whether you get it or not, just trust that they do. Use the words they prefer, and avoid the ones they don't. It's just friendly and polite. If corrected say, "Oops, I didn't mean to do that," and then move on with the word they've asked for. It doesn't have to be a big deal if you don't make it a big deal; it can be over with just a quick change. It becomes hostile if you assume it's hostile.

stevewodil 5y ago

If you're really in the top 20% you should have no problems. Go out and try to game with girls.

deleted 5y ago
[deleted]

bongoman37 5y ago

The difference between pretty and stunning is a lot of work with makeup, lighting, dressing and so on. I dated a model briefly, she could change from and 8 to a 10 depending on how much effort and time she wanted to put in. This is true for guys too.

etherwaste 5y ago
Tik Tok also automatically edits your appearance with default filters.
- rchaud 5y ago
  And front-facing cameras now come with face-smoothing features right out of the box. I have a Galaxy A51 (2020 phone) and even with the default settings, the FFC photos are much more generous in smoothing out your skin, than the regular rear camera.
  - isoprophlex 5y ago
    Wait what, is this for real? Do phones automatically beautify photos taken with the selfie cam? Why is this legal?! Isn't this a surefire recipe to create a generation of adolescents with insecurity/body issues? Every time you take a selfie it subtly confronts you with what could be better about you. It's like a fridge that whispers "you're a fatty" every time you open it.
    - rchaud 5y ago
      I finally realized it after wondering why I looked 'worse' in photos with friends, when the rear camera is being used to take the picture. That's when I did a rear v front photo comparison. The face smoothing effect is subtle, but it's definitely there. It's not as extreme as "filters" that can basically change your skin tone and texture. And it's possible that Samsung does this and not others. My last Samsung phone had this as well, and I usually buy from them.
    - hideo 5y ago

swiley 5y ago

You should get rid of your smartphone. They're designed to make you depressed so you respond better to ads.

mensetmanusman 5y ago

High expectations is the key to unhappiness.

etherwaste 5y ago

You're a gross person and should be ashamed.

system16 5y ago

I'm gonna go out on a limb but if this comment is reflective of your attitude, I don't think Tik Tok or algorithms are your biggest problem in establishing relationships with women.

Panini_Jones 5y ago
TikTok could be exacerbating this attitude in men who are already predisposed to feeling helpless in their dating efforts. I notice that I feel worse about my appearance when I've spent more time on TikTok. I also notice that I see more extremely conventionally attractive people on TikTok. I see the issue being more so with dating app algorithms, though. Those companies/algorithms are incentivized to keep men in the dating pool and paying Bumble/Tinder for dates. The best way to do this is to make those men think that they need to pay to win the game and will lose otherwise.

hluska 5y ago

At the risk of dating myself, can I give you some advice my Dad gave me in my early twenties? Shallowness is highly addictive and the more often you turn to it, the stronger the addiction gets.

analyte123 5y ago

The whole point of this post is that this is just TikTok reflecting your own desires back to you. Some part of you wants to obsess, ruminate over and feel bad about digitally enhanced and literally unattainable girls dancing to a camera on the other side of the world, you engage with Tiktok on that content, and then they show you more! The definition of a personal problem. Even though it is quite different than yours, my TikTok feed says a lot of things about me too, to the point that I am reluctant to scroll through it in someone else's presence.

imbnwa 5y ago
This is partially why I trained my TikTok to be a nature channel, the other part obviously being a desire for exploraion.

PrefixKitten 5y ago

in my past I have dated a women of a wide range of attractiveness and of all those girls the less attractive ones are actually the ones I'd put the most effort into getting back with... If the girl I'm with is pleasing to look at I'm content with that. How pleasing hardly matters

axaxs 5y ago

Quit judging partners by looks alone. Looks fade, character that clicks with you likely won't. The relationships I've had and hate most in my life are almost perfectly inversely proportional to how much time they spent trying to look 'beautiful.'