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Glued to Your Phone? Here's How to Rethink Your Relationship with Social Media

92 points by r0n0j0y 5y ago

bluGill 5y ago
I solved the problem when I went to facebook and deleted all groups (except two - both related to family events: I personally know in the real world everyone in both groups). Often when I check facebook now it has no idea what to show me as I've seen everything, and it has to revert to showing me pictures of classmates I haven't interacted with in years - which is what I'm on Facebook for in the first place! Even then it runs out of things to show me fast.
- greggman3 5y ago
  Same. Groups are the worst time sink. Also, I have ~1000 facebook "friends" but I only follow 25 or so close friends who don't post too much (except my sister who posts too much). I don't find Facebook a time sync. I also only follow about 10 people on Instagram so not a time sync. I only check it once every 1-2 weeks. I do tend to use Facebook on the desktop web browser with FB Purity installed and filtering all the worst of facebook's horrible time wasters like "so and so commented on X" and "so and so liked Y" etc.
elchin 5y ago
I highly recommend Indistractable by Nir Eyal
tharne 5y ago
I'm starting to get annoyed with these articles. Most people cannot use things like smartphones and Facebook "responsibly". To think you can compete with companies that have virtually unlimited financial resources available to highjack your attention and get you hooked is completely naïve. It's like telling a heroin addict to "rethink your relationship with heroin and use it more moderately". The only realistic way to reduce the grip of the these technologies on your mind is to use fewer of them and completely opt out of the worst offenders, like FaceBook, and TickTok. I've deleted most of my social media accounts at this point and gone back to a more basic phone and my life is noticeably better for it. Sure there are some inconveniences and some people think I'm a weirdo, but it seems like a small price to pay to get my brain back. So much of the power these technologies have over us is not that they're so useful or wonderful, but that there's a social expectation that we use them, i.e. people sending social invites via FaceBook, stigma against the "green bubble people", etc. We use them initially because of social pressure and then get hooked. If even a small and stubborn minority opted out of some of these technologies, say 9% of the population, reasonably distributed across ages and demographics, a lot of these expectations would disappear or at least reduce.
- derwiki 5y ago
  What basic phone did you switch to? I ended up getting a cellular Apple watch because it’s “smart” enough but no distraction apps (unless you count iMessage)
  - tharne 5y ago
    The Sunbeam F1 Orchid: https://sunbeamwireless.com/ https://sunbeamwireless.com/ It's WAY more basic than most people are willing to live with, but it's been working surprisingly well for me. Like I said in my original comment, there are definitely some inconveniences, no way around that, but it's been worth it. Honestly, the biggest downside to using a flip phone is that you start noticing exactly how much people are on their phones and it becomes both creepy and annoying. You start to feel like you're the last man standing in a zombie movie. One thing I particularly like about the Sunbeam phone is that it's sold my a small American company with amazing customer service. I asked a question about the phone via the contact form on the website and got a prompt and very thoughtful answer from one of the owner's of the company.
    - benedikt 5y ago
      what’s the camera like ?
      - tharne 5y ago
        I'd classify it as "not bad, but not nearly as good as your iPhone"
  - paganel 5y ago
    Not the OP but I'm personally using an iPhone SE. It's good enough for HackerNews and i.reddit.com but when it comes to apps like FB or Instagram I get bored pretty quickly, maybe the smaller screen plays a part in that, I can't tell exactly.
    - tharne 5y ago
game_the0ry 5y ago
Delete Instagram and Facebook from your phone. I did and I recommend everyone do it. You can still access via browser, but obviously not as good UX (which may make you less addicted). I get how people can get addicted to social media apps (I got addicted to FB when I was in college 2005-2007 ish), and I am happy to see articles like this and other media outlets cover social media addiction and spread awareness, its a big problem. I would not blame the apps, though. I think the real problem is that social media turbo-charges the social dynamics of the real world: * attention seeking - "likes" are attention, and people love attention * social presentation - you can present the best picture of your fake life * envy and fantasy - men and women who think they live boring lives observing the curated, filtered lives of the people they want to be * social hierarchy - who follows who? Prettier people having more follower / friends * etc I fell into those traps, and fb/insta were there to indulge my insecurities - but, critically, it was insecurities that fed the into the addiction. I'm a different guy now - I spend more time on myself than observing others. I'm poorly articulating all this, but I think there is something to be analyzed there.
- colordrops 5y ago
  I ended up using at least Twitter and Reddit just as much through the browser after deleting the apps. Had to install the NetGuard firewall on my phone to block them.
- dont__panic 5y ago
  Additionally, using Facebook and Instagram from your browser will constantly expose you to their obnoxious "better in the app!" banners that you can never fully dismiss. Just making another one of their dark patterns visible enough to make you (hopefully) question the intent of the company... Also, Instagram ads are actually blockable in-browser because they haven't bothered to update the site beyond the bare minimum of compatibility updates in years. So my iPhone on a VPN running a pihole made Instagram a little more bearable until I noticed that none of my friends ever posted anything any more.
  - oplav 5y ago
    I started exclusively using Instagram on my phone through mobile Safari and the experience is much better. There are no ads in either stories or the timeline. I don’t have any ad blocking set up on my phone. The “Discover” section also isn’t as snappy as the app, so I find myself rarely using it. That section is what used to be my largest time sink when I used the app.
jmd509 5y ago
The propositions in the article are good, although the tips proposed by the Center for Humane Technology [1] are much more tactical (they are apparently mentioned in the audio version, but I only read the article). Also, as a complete aside, I'm not sure if the third passage [2] in the article is facetious or what, but I'm always surprised to see credibility-destroying statements like these in legitimate publications. In this day and age readers have to be ruthlessly efficient in discerning reliable information/advice from nonsense. They are on the lookout for any reason to abandon articles and content to avoid wasting valuable time and attention. There is an old direct-response copywriting dictum: "The purpose of each sentence is to get the next sentence read." The aforementioned passage does the opposite, even though the subsequent tips are pretty good. [1] https://www.humanetech.com/take-control https://www.humanetech.com/take-control [2] "I'm a Libra which means I was born to find balance, and I wanted to apply that principle to my social media behaviors and consumption."
zahrc 5y ago
Social media nowadays is not just Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and TikTok. There is Discord, Reddit, LinkedIn, Twitch, YouTube… I’d even count HN. There a many people, possibly still the minority, but very solid amount of people way to invested in those See those twitch donation whales, for example, the amount is big enough to have sparked a more than feasible business. I wouldn’t call that responsible.
- CogitoCogito 5y ago
  I spend way too much time reading HN and reddit. Most of the time I'm not even logged in, but I'm still pretty much addicted. I also don't really see any reason to treat these sorts of sites differently.
- Calvin02 5y ago
  Yeah, and if you look at all the engagement tactics that the NPR, NYTimes, or the CNN apps use, they are basically saying: spend your time here and not there. Most of the internet is vying for your attention and asking you to spend more time on their site than the others. To truly come up with meaningful solutions, we need to look at the entire problem. Otherwise we're just moving marbles around.
  - zahrc 5y ago
    I think there is not just one problem, people have different needs and holes to fill. The social media platforms attract different demographics, because they fit in different niches. The reason why people are drawn to Facebook, differs from 4chan. On Instagram people want to be discovered and seen, creating and sharing art and take the credit for it. While people go to 4chan to be anonymous, which generates questionable content. I personally go on HN because the community is close to home, but why is that?
- selfhoster11 5y ago
  I'd struggle to place Discord, HN and possibly Reddit into the "social media" category. They sure aren't dead websites and they sure have a community, but they don't feel the same way as Facebook, Twitter and TikTok. Maybe it's the lack of name recognition that makes them feel different.
powellzer 5y ago
I recently deactivated Facebook (which I only ever used via web browser) and since then I’ve been counting the number of times I unconsciously end up on the Facebook login page when I’m bored/killing time. I’ve noticed that faced with a “new tab” I’ll often just hit the f key and hit enter without thinking about it, landing me on the Facebook login page. Before I deactivated, this would result in me somewhat unconsciously scrolling through my newsfeed mindlessly consuming whatever Facebook decides I should see that day. I don’t consider myself to be mentally weak so it scares me to think about what percentage of the population does this without ever realizing it.
- david422 5y ago
  That's what I do with Hacker News. Hello :/
  - powellzer 5y ago
    Oh I totally do this with Hacker News too, which is why I typically block access during work hours. I feel better about it if I'm consciously giving myself a break to read HN. Right now I'm using the LeechBlock Extension which allows for timed overrides.
- scottious 5y ago
  > I’ve noticed that faced with a “new tab” I’ll often just hit the f key and hit enter without thinking about it OMG I'm so glad I'm not the only one. I deactivated it over 6 months ago and I STILL have this impulse from time to time.
- nicbou 5y ago
  I use SelfControl to block these websites on my mac. I use uBlock filters to block feeds on my phone. I also log out of some websites when I'm done. It helps a lot.
mastrsushi 5y ago
“Navigating the internet” is dead. The majority of users are swiping at 5 second videos between 5 major platforms. The rest of the web is weird tabloids and abandoned blog spots. Try looking up a recipe and tell me you don’t get plagued with ads like you’re on XVideo.
liokoch 5y ago
Using social media doesn't automatically qualify you to have a toxic relationship with it. It depends on the person if they decide to use it as entertainment. But one should practice self-discipline in navigating and interactive with SNS.
FourthProtocol 5y ago
Maybe age has something to do with it - yes, I used to spend too much time on Facebook. Back in 2007. I also used to drink too much alcohol. Today I just don't have time for social media other than when I'm waiting for something, like a bus or train or my boy to come out of school. I can't program with a hangover, I can't read, I can't scratch-build radio-controlled trucks. I can't scuba dive when I'm hung over and I can't do Krav Maga while I'm online. I like these and other things more than being online. But yes, I like being online too. Pintrest is great for research when you're building a garden bench. I guess filling my life with meat-space things I really like and enjoy means I spend comparatively very little time online. I do wonder what people who don't have meat-space interests more important to them than being online, think about.
- tetris11 5y ago
  Pre-Corona, I'd spend approximately 2-3 hours after work online, mostly working on hobby projects or catching up with quick TV (40 minute shows feel like a waste of time, whereas 2x20 minute shows feel more productive...) Nowadays, I have no need to leave the house. My meat-space activities are gone, so I poured myself into my hobby projects and learned that working on what you love more than 5-hours a day (out of genuine want!) quickly turns into a chore, and before you know it you're in a mindless spiral of ticking boxes that you arbitrarily set yourself to give the impression that the time spent on said hobby/chore is meaningful. I cannot wait to get back to work. I miss my 2 hour biking commute, it was beautiful.
  - FourthProtocol 5y ago
    Interesting. I have too many ideas and far too little time. I wish I didn't have to work so I could do the hobby full time. Alas it doesn't pay as well as the day job.
lifeisstillgood 5y ago
I feel the need to start with metrics (mostly because I do worry about the effect (good and bad) it has on my kids). I am planning on somehow pulling screentime metrics and youtube history data together - have not really got a plan but if anyone fancies a few spare hours please shout. (ironically those of us with kids probably have the least time to scratch this itch !)
linuxftw 5y ago
What's with all the NPR spam? Who reads this garbage? There seems to be a contingent of people trying to turn HN into a CNN/WaPo/NYT/NPR news feed. GTFO.
- dang 5y ago
  I doubt that HN has more CNN/WaPo/NYT/NPR these days than it has for many years. The data is public; anyone who wants to could check that.
iainctduncan 5y ago
I have a couple of hacks I use that, once developed as a habit, have been enormously helpful for me. 1) I never look at a general feed. (Which I means I just never use Twitter as that's kind of all it has) I open FB on my message url, which shows me the three things I want: messages, event notifications, and a search box to go to the four or five dedicated topic areas I use where off-topic posts aren't tolerated. Basically all the "designed to be addictive" shit is on the feed page. 2) I use Stylebot on Chrome, which allows you to add custom css overrides for every page. It's awesome. You can just turn every thing that clamours for your attention or has "suggestions" into empty whitespace. 3) I don't use any of their apps. You can't control the apps the same way. hth
grae_QED 5y ago
Am I the only one bored by virtually everything on social media? Everything feels like its been curated for either teens or people with exceptionally low attention spans. I find it all very annoying (With Hacker News being the exception).
Taylor_OD 5y ago
Take social media off your phone. Install a news feed blocker that forces you to toggle on the news feed for your site of choice when you want to scroll. That helped me cut my social media time from 1+ hour a day to less than 15 minutes.
mabub24 5y ago
One way to rethink your relationship with social media is to, for lack of a more succinct phrasing, get a life. I don't mean "don't be a loser", I mean have a life with goals, projects, and real relationships. Once that life flowers, you see social media as merely a tool for the further flourishing of that life. This mindset also makes you take a hard look at the connections you make through social media. Most are 1 dimensional, and based on emotional extremes or hits of "content". Instead, follow people you actually know. Then do stuff with them out in the world. Doing stuff, and not just surfing social media, with other people is far more rewarding than being amongst 3 billion users.
- redisman 5y ago
  It’s much easier than I thought as a teenager too. You don’t need to be doing “cool” stuff. Just go for a hike or swim once a week and learn some craft like woodworking or electronics. Once you start there will be decades of learning to discover
- nicbou 5y ago
  I find that the Internet (not specifically social media) gets in the way of that. It keeps me just entertained enough not to seek greater pleasures. I just had breakfast, put suncream on and planned a bicycle route, but instead of heading out as planned, I'm typing this comment. Getting a life requires an initial investment. The Internet is right there. I have done a lot to mitigate this addiction, but it's still there.
happylrac 5y ago
I found that Cal Newport's "Digital Minimalism" book a great help in making sure that my social media usage was confined and intentional.
ruffrey 5y ago
> I'm a Libra which means I was born to find balance While there may be good points in the article, this indicates a low level of scientific rigor by the writer. Couldn't continue after that.
- bennythomson 5y ago
  Stopped reading as soon as I saw that
- nsbk 5y ago
  Same here. Very off-putting. How do I know that the rest of the article is not just hocus-pocus?
  - selfhoster11 5y ago
    You could skim it halfway into the article.
- GavinMcG 5y ago
  > Couldn't continue after that. Sure you could have. You even acknowledge that there may be good points in the article. But you chose to prioritize whatever positive feeling you got out of closing it and coming back to HN to make a comment about how you'd done so.
  - maximus-decimus 5y ago
    What they mean is the person lost all credibility in their eyes and they can't take anything they say seriously.
    - GavinMcG 5y ago
      I disagree, but substantively what's it matter?
- scottious 5y ago
  Yup. I usually really like NPR but I had to stop once I read that. Why'd they have to say they were a Libra? They could have just said "I was born to find balance". ugh.
mrfusion 5y ago
I want to quit this stuff but I can’t seem to find anything to fill the void. Time fillers for Five to ten minutes Of downtime where I don’t want to do any deep work since I’ll probably be interrupted. Maybe some kind of game?
- callmeal 5y ago
  Back in the before times, we would carry around a crossword or sudoku puzzle as time fillers. Being quiet with your thoughts is also an option.
- colordrops 5y ago
  Learn guitar. Can easily be done in 10 minute chunks, though the more time you put in, the more you get out. Or if you insist on looking at your phone, you could do 2 or 3 Duolingo lessons in that time frame. Or meditate.
- notapenny 5y ago
  Read something, an article or a book which is more short snippets (try Marcus Aurelius' Meditations, those five minutes will change your life). I have a list with a whole bunch of tech topics that I could read a quick MDN/wikipedia/whatever article on. If its a quick game, Call of Duty or some racing game where a race only takes a few minutes. I actually find taking a break and then gaming for five/ten minutes to be really good for my attention since it really forces me to focus completely for that time. Otherwise, just stand outside with your coffee and breathe.
- yepthatsreality 5y ago
  Learn to enjoy doing nothing. There’s no rule that you have to constantly be doing something or need to be constantly optimizing your time. That’s just societal anxiety talking.
qolop 5y ago
Last year at the start of the pandemic, I stopped using Facebook, Youtube, Reddit and Linkedin. Just stopped, no exceptions. It took an incredible amount of discipline at first, but now it's become a habit. Its had a net positive effect on my life and I highly recommend others to try it. Its incredible how little I'm tempted to open these apps now. Once you're properly out of the hyper-addictive ecosystem that they create, that's it, you're unlikely to want to get back in.
samename 5y ago
I recently got the app One Sec - https://one-sec.app/ https://one-sec.app/ It has been an absolute game changer for me in reducing my screen time. The app is really good at changing habits - it makes opening up social media apps annoying and disrupts the expected dopamine hit. My app opens are way down and I’m no longer even hitting my screen time limit for social media apps.
deleted 5y ago
[deleted]
reidjs 5y ago
I think people have a bad relationship with social media because they use it to consume instead of produce. I changed my mindset from 'social media is a place where I learn about/keep in touch with my friends' to 'social media is a place where I share my art, jokes, life events, etc with my friends'. I spend less time on it because I go in with the mindset of 'What can I create right now?' instead of just mindless scrolling. Or when I am mindlessly scrolling I have more of a perspective, what do people find interesting right now?
xyzzy21 5y ago
I've never heard a convincing argument for the upside of social media. It's never looked like a good way to spend time from the outside. I guess this is the difference between people who look at drugs and decide not to even try them vs. people who don't think about any of that and promptly get addicted. The connection of all social media companies to either DARPA or CIA is also a strong negative trait from the get-go. Having visited East Berlin before 1989 and seen what totalitarian surveillance looks like and operates like, I'm a bit sensitive to the sight of the same all over again.
- throwaway1777 5y ago
  I connect with a lot of people on social media that I wouldn’t connect with otherwise. Whether it’s worth the tradeoff is up for debate. Could I connect with them in some more deliberate manual way like directly emailing or calling them? Sure, but would I do it? Probably not.
swiley 5y ago
Just block all of it and throw out your phone. If people need you they have your email and landline number.
cratermoon 5y ago
I wonder how long before the advertisers on these platforms realize how much the social media companies are using the same variable rewards, random payoff, low friction, and rule of reciprocity to manipulate companies into continuing to buy ads? Measuring ad effectiveness is already hard, now the social media giants are both the platform and the technology for measuring "engagement". Isn't it blindingly obvious to ad buyers that they are essentially putting coins in a slot machine, pulling the "show my ads" lever, and getting a good feeling when the metrics show their ad 'went viral'?

92 points by r0n0j0y 5y ago

I solved the problem when I went to facebook and deleted all groups (except two - both related to family events: I personally know in the real world everyone in both groups). Often when I check facebook now it has no idea what to show me as I've seen everything, and it has to revert to showing me pictures of classmates I haven't interacted with in years - which is what I'm on Facebook for in the first place! Even then it runs out of things to show me fast.

greggman3 5y ago
Same. Groups are the worst time sink. Also, I have ~1000 facebook "friends" but I only follow 25 or so close friends who don't post too much (except my sister who posts too much). I don't find Facebook a time sync. I also only follow about 10 people on Instagram so not a time sync. I only check it once every 1-2 weeks. I do tend to use Facebook on the desktop web browser with FB Purity installed and filtering all the worst of facebook's horrible time wasters like "so and so commented on X" and "so and so liked Y" etc.

elchin 5y ago

I highly recommend Indistractable by Nir Eyal

tharne 5y ago

I'm starting to get annoyed with these articles. Most people cannot use things like smartphones and Facebook "responsibly". To think you can compete with companies that have virtually unlimited financial resources available to highjack your attention and get you hooked is completely naïve. It's like telling a heroin addict to "rethink your relationship with heroin and use it more moderately". The only realistic way to reduce the grip of the these technologies on your mind is to use fewer of them and completely opt out of the worst offenders, like FaceBook, and TickTok. I've deleted most of my social media accounts at this point and gone back to a more basic phone and my life is noticeably better for it. Sure there are some inconveniences and some people think I'm a weirdo, but it seems like a small price to pay to get my brain back. So much of the power these technologies have over us is not that they're so useful or wonderful, but that there's a social expectation that we use them, i.e. people sending social invites via FaceBook, stigma against the "green bubble people", etc. We use them initially because of social pressure and then get hooked. If even a small and stubborn minority opted out of some of these technologies, say 9% of the population, reasonably distributed across ages and demographics, a lot of these expectations would disappear or at least reduce.

derwiki 5y ago
What basic phone did you switch to? I ended up getting a cellular Apple watch because it’s “smart” enough but no distraction apps (unless you count iMessage)
- tharne 5y ago
  The Sunbeam F1 Orchid: https://sunbeamwireless.com/ https://sunbeamwireless.com/ It's WAY more basic than most people are willing to live with, but it's been working surprisingly well for me. Like I said in my original comment, there are definitely some inconveniences, no way around that, but it's been worth it. Honestly, the biggest downside to using a flip phone is that you start noticing exactly how much people are on their phones and it becomes both creepy and annoying. You start to feel like you're the last man standing in a zombie movie. One thing I particularly like about the Sunbeam phone is that it's sold my a small American company with amazing customer service. I asked a question about the phone via the contact form on the website and got a prompt and very thoughtful answer from one of the owner's of the company.
  - benedikt 5y ago
    what’s the camera like ?
    - tharne 5y ago
      I'd classify it as "not bad, but not nearly as good as your iPhone"
- paganel 5y ago
  Not the OP but I'm personally using an iPhone SE. It's good enough for HackerNews and i.reddit.com but when it comes to apps like FB or Instagram I get bored pretty quickly, maybe the smaller screen plays a part in that, I can't tell exactly.
  - tharne 5y ago

game_the0ry 5y ago

Delete Instagram and Facebook from your phone. I did and I recommend everyone do it. You can still access via browser, but obviously not as good UX (which may make you less addicted). I get how people can get addicted to social media apps (I got addicted to FB when I was in college 2005-2007 ish), and I am happy to see articles like this and other media outlets cover social media addiction and spread awareness, its a big problem. I would not blame the apps, though. I think the real problem is that social media turbo-charges the social dynamics of the real world: * attention seeking - "likes" are attention, and people love attention * social presentation - you can present the best picture of your fake life * envy and fantasy - men and women who think they live boring lives observing the curated, filtered lives of the people they want to be * social hierarchy - who follows who? Prettier people having more follower / friends * etc I fell into those traps, and fb/insta were there to indulge my insecurities - but, critically, it was insecurities that fed the into the addiction. I'm a different guy now - I spend more time on myself than observing others. I'm poorly articulating all this, but I think there is something to be analyzed there.

colordrops 5y ago
I ended up using at least Twitter and Reddit just as much through the browser after deleting the apps. Had to install the NetGuard firewall on my phone to block them.
dont__panic 5y ago
Additionally, using Facebook and Instagram from your browser will constantly expose you to their obnoxious "better in the app!" banners that you can never fully dismiss. Just making another one of their dark patterns visible enough to make you (hopefully) question the intent of the company... Also, Instagram ads are actually blockable in-browser because they haven't bothered to update the site beyond the bare minimum of compatibility updates in years. So my iPhone on a VPN running a pihole made Instagram a little more bearable until I noticed that none of my friends ever posted anything any more.
- oplav 5y ago
  I started exclusively using Instagram on my phone through mobile Safari and the experience is much better. There are no ads in either stories or the timeline. I don’t have any ad blocking set up on my phone. The “Discover” section also isn’t as snappy as the app, so I find myself rarely using it. That section is what used to be my largest time sink when I used the app.

jmd509 5y ago

The propositions in the article are good, although the tips proposed by the Center for Humane Technology [1] are much more tactical (they are apparently mentioned in the audio version, but I only read the article). Also, as a complete aside, I'm not sure if the third passage [2] in the article is facetious or what, but I'm always surprised to see credibility-destroying statements like these in legitimate publications. In this day and age readers have to be ruthlessly efficient in discerning reliable information/advice from nonsense. They are on the lookout for any reason to abandon articles and content to avoid wasting valuable time and attention. There is an old direct-response copywriting dictum: "The purpose of each sentence is to get the next sentence read." The aforementioned passage does the opposite, even though the subsequent tips are pretty good. [1] https://www.humanetech.com/take-control https://www.humanetech.com/take-control [2] "I'm a Libra which means I was born to find balance, and I wanted to apply that principle to my social media behaviors and consumption."

zahrc 5y ago

Social media nowadays is not just Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and TikTok. There is Discord, Reddit, LinkedIn, Twitch, YouTube… I’d even count HN. There a many people, possibly still the minority, but very solid amount of people way to invested in those See those twitch donation whales, for example, the amount is big enough to have sparked a more than feasible business. I wouldn’t call that responsible.

CogitoCogito 5y ago
I spend way too much time reading HN and reddit. Most of the time I'm not even logged in, but I'm still pretty much addicted. I also don't really see any reason to treat these sorts of sites differently.
Calvin02 5y ago
Yeah, and if you look at all the engagement tactics that the NPR, NYTimes, or the CNN apps use, they are basically saying: spend your time here and not there. Most of the internet is vying for your attention and asking you to spend more time on their site than the others. To truly come up with meaningful solutions, we need to look at the entire problem. Otherwise we're just moving marbles around.
- zahrc 5y ago
  I think there is not just one problem, people have different needs and holes to fill. The social media platforms attract different demographics, because they fit in different niches. The reason why people are drawn to Facebook, differs from 4chan. On Instagram people want to be discovered and seen, creating and sharing art and take the credit for it. While people go to 4chan to be anonymous, which generates questionable content. I personally go on HN because the community is close to home, but why is that?
selfhoster11 5y ago
I'd struggle to place Discord, HN and possibly Reddit into the "social media" category. They sure aren't dead websites and they sure have a community, but they don't feel the same way as Facebook, Twitter and TikTok. Maybe it's the lack of name recognition that makes them feel different.

powellzer 5y ago

I recently deactivated Facebook (which I only ever used via web browser) and since then I’ve been counting the number of times I unconsciously end up on the Facebook login page when I’m bored/killing time. I’ve noticed that faced with a “new tab” I’ll often just hit the f key and hit enter without thinking about it, landing me on the Facebook login page. Before I deactivated, this would result in me somewhat unconsciously scrolling through my newsfeed mindlessly consuming whatever Facebook decides I should see that day. I don’t consider myself to be mentally weak so it scares me to think about what percentage of the population does this without ever realizing it.

david422 5y ago
That's what I do with Hacker News. Hello :/
- powellzer 5y ago
  Oh I totally do this with Hacker News too, which is why I typically block access during work hours. I feel better about it if I'm consciously giving myself a break to read HN. Right now I'm using the LeechBlock Extension which allows for timed overrides.
scottious 5y ago
> I’ve noticed that faced with a “new tab” I’ll often just hit the f key and hit enter without thinking about it OMG I'm so glad I'm not the only one. I deactivated it over 6 months ago and I STILL have this impulse from time to time.
nicbou 5y ago
I use SelfControl to block these websites on my mac. I use uBlock filters to block feeds on my phone. I also log out of some websites when I'm done. It helps a lot.

mastrsushi 5y ago

“Navigating the internet” is dead. The majority of users are swiping at 5 second videos between 5 major platforms. The rest of the web is weird tabloids and abandoned blog spots. Try looking up a recipe and tell me you don’t get plagued with ads like you’re on XVideo.

liokoch 5y ago

Using social media doesn't automatically qualify you to have a toxic relationship with it. It depends on the person if they decide to use it as entertainment. But one should practice self-discipline in navigating and interactive with SNS.

FourthProtocol 5y ago

Maybe age has something to do with it - yes, I used to spend too much time on Facebook. Back in 2007. I also used to drink too much alcohol. Today I just don't have time for social media other than when I'm waiting for something, like a bus or train or my boy to come out of school. I can't program with a hangover, I can't read, I can't scratch-build radio-controlled trucks. I can't scuba dive when I'm hung over and I can't do Krav Maga while I'm online. I like these and other things more than being online. But yes, I like being online too. Pintrest is great for research when you're building a garden bench. I guess filling my life with meat-space things I really like and enjoy means I spend comparatively very little time online. I do wonder what people who don't have meat-space interests more important to them than being online, think about.

tetris11 5y ago
Pre-Corona, I'd spend approximately 2-3 hours after work online, mostly working on hobby projects or catching up with quick TV (40 minute shows feel like a waste of time, whereas 2x20 minute shows feel more productive...) Nowadays, I have no need to leave the house. My meat-space activities are gone, so I poured myself into my hobby projects and learned that working on what you love more than 5-hours a day (out of genuine want!) quickly turns into a chore, and before you know it you're in a mindless spiral of ticking boxes that you arbitrarily set yourself to give the impression that the time spent on said hobby/chore is meaningful. I cannot wait to get back to work. I miss my 2 hour biking commute, it was beautiful.
- FourthProtocol 5y ago
  Interesting. I have too many ideas and far too little time. I wish I didn't have to work so I could do the hobby full time. Alas it doesn't pay as well as the day job.

lifeisstillgood 5y ago

I feel the need to start with metrics (mostly because I do worry about the effect (good and bad) it has on my kids). I am planning on somehow pulling screentime metrics and youtube history data together - have not really got a plan but if anyone fancies a few spare hours please shout. (ironically those of us with kids probably have the least time to scratch this itch !)

linuxftw 5y ago

What's with all the NPR spam? Who reads this garbage? There seems to be a contingent of people trying to turn HN into a CNN/WaPo/NYT/NPR news feed. GTFO.

dang 5y ago
I doubt that HN has more CNN/WaPo/NYT/NPR these days than it has for many years. The data is public; anyone who wants to could check that.

iainctduncan 5y ago

I have a couple of hacks I use that, once developed as a habit, have been enormously helpful for me. 1) I never look at a general feed. (Which I means I just never use Twitter as that's kind of all it has) I open FB on my message url, which shows me the three things I want: messages, event notifications, and a search box to go to the four or five dedicated topic areas I use where off-topic posts aren't tolerated. Basically all the "designed to be addictive" shit is on the feed page. 2) I use Stylebot on Chrome, which allows you to add custom css overrides for every page. It's awesome. You can just turn every thing that clamours for your attention or has "suggestions" into empty whitespace. 3) I don't use any of their apps. You can't control the apps the same way. hth

grae_QED 5y ago

Am I the only one bored by virtually everything on social media? Everything feels like its been curated for either teens or people with exceptionally low attention spans. I find it all very annoying (With Hacker News being the exception).

Taylor_OD 5y ago

Take social media off your phone. Install a news feed blocker that forces you to toggle on the news feed for your site of choice when you want to scroll. That helped me cut my social media time from 1+ hour a day to less than 15 minutes.

mabub24 5y ago

One way to rethink your relationship with social media is to, for lack of a more succinct phrasing, get a life. I don't mean "don't be a loser", I mean have a life with goals, projects, and real relationships. Once that life flowers, you see social media as merely a tool for the further flourishing of that life. This mindset also makes you take a hard look at the connections you make through social media. Most are 1 dimensional, and based on emotional extremes or hits of "content". Instead, follow people you actually know. Then do stuff with them out in the world. Doing stuff, and not just surfing social media, with other people is far more rewarding than being amongst 3 billion users.

redisman 5y ago
It’s much easier than I thought as a teenager too. You don’t need to be doing “cool” stuff. Just go for a hike or swim once a week and learn some craft like woodworking or electronics. Once you start there will be decades of learning to discover
nicbou 5y ago
I find that the Internet (not specifically social media) gets in the way of that. It keeps me just entertained enough not to seek greater pleasures. I just had breakfast, put suncream on and planned a bicycle route, but instead of heading out as planned, I'm typing this comment. Getting a life requires an initial investment. The Internet is right there. I have done a lot to mitigate this addiction, but it's still there.

happylrac 5y ago

I found that Cal Newport's "Digital Minimalism" book a great help in making sure that my social media usage was confined and intentional.

ruffrey 5y ago

> I'm a Libra which means I was born to find balance While there may be good points in the article, this indicates a low level of scientific rigor by the writer. Couldn't continue after that.

bennythomson 5y ago
Stopped reading as soon as I saw that
nsbk 5y ago
Same here. Very off-putting. How do I know that the rest of the article is not just hocus-pocus?
- selfhoster11 5y ago
  You could skim it halfway into the article.
GavinMcG 5y ago
> Couldn't continue after that. Sure you could have. You even acknowledge that there may be good points in the article. But you chose to prioritize whatever positive feeling you got out of closing it and coming back to HN to make a comment about how you'd done so.
- maximus-decimus 5y ago
  What they mean is the person lost all credibility in their eyes and they can't take anything they say seriously.
  - GavinMcG 5y ago
    I disagree, but substantively what's it matter?
scottious 5y ago
Yup. I usually really like NPR but I had to stop once I read that. Why'd they have to say they were a Libra? They could have just said "I was born to find balance". ugh.

mrfusion 5y ago

I want to quit this stuff but I can’t seem to find anything to fill the void. Time fillers for Five to ten minutes Of downtime where I don’t want to do any deep work since I’ll probably be interrupted. Maybe some kind of game?

callmeal 5y ago
Back in the before times, we would carry around a crossword or sudoku puzzle as time fillers. Being quiet with your thoughts is also an option.
colordrops 5y ago
Learn guitar. Can easily be done in 10 minute chunks, though the more time you put in, the more you get out. Or if you insist on looking at your phone, you could do 2 or 3 Duolingo lessons in that time frame. Or meditate.
notapenny 5y ago
Read something, an article or a book which is more short snippets (try Marcus Aurelius' Meditations, those five minutes will change your life). I have a list with a whole bunch of tech topics that I could read a quick MDN/wikipedia/whatever article on. If its a quick game, Call of Duty or some racing game where a race only takes a few minutes. I actually find taking a break and then gaming for five/ten minutes to be really good for my attention since it really forces me to focus completely for that time. Otherwise, just stand outside with your coffee and breathe.
yepthatsreality 5y ago
Learn to enjoy doing nothing. There’s no rule that you have to constantly be doing something or need to be constantly optimizing your time. That’s just societal anxiety talking.

qolop 5y ago

Last year at the start of the pandemic, I stopped using Facebook, Youtube, Reddit and Linkedin. Just stopped, no exceptions. It took an incredible amount of discipline at first, but now it's become a habit. Its had a net positive effect on my life and I highly recommend others to try it. Its incredible how little I'm tempted to open these apps now. Once you're properly out of the hyper-addictive ecosystem that they create, that's it, you're unlikely to want to get back in.

samename 5y ago

I recently got the app One Sec - https://one-sec.app/ https://one-sec.app/ It has been an absolute game changer for me in reducing my screen time. The app is really good at changing habits - it makes opening up social media apps annoying and disrupts the expected dopamine hit. My app opens are way down and I’m no longer even hitting my screen time limit for social media apps.

deleted 5y ago

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reidjs 5y ago

I think people have a bad relationship with social media because they use it to consume instead of produce. I changed my mindset from 'social media is a place where I learn about/keep in touch with my friends' to 'social media is a place where I share my art, jokes, life events, etc with my friends'. I spend less time on it because I go in with the mindset of 'What can I create right now?' instead of just mindless scrolling. Or when I am mindlessly scrolling I have more of a perspective, what do people find interesting right now?

xyzzy21 5y ago

I've never heard a convincing argument for the upside of social media. It's never looked like a good way to spend time from the outside. I guess this is the difference between people who look at drugs and decide not to even try them vs. people who don't think about any of that and promptly get addicted. The connection of all social media companies to either DARPA or CIA is also a strong negative trait from the get-go. Having visited East Berlin before 1989 and seen what totalitarian surveillance looks like and operates like, I'm a bit sensitive to the sight of the same all over again.

throwaway1777 5y ago
I connect with a lot of people on social media that I wouldn’t connect with otherwise. Whether it’s worth the tradeoff is up for debate. Could I connect with them in some more deliberate manual way like directly emailing or calling them? Sure, but would I do it? Probably not.

swiley 5y ago

Just block all of it and throw out your phone. If people need you they have your email and landline number.

cratermoon 5y ago

I wonder how long before the advertisers on these platforms realize how much the social media companies are using the same variable rewards, random payoff, low friction, and rule of reciprocity to manipulate companies into continuing to buy ads? Measuring ad effectiveness is already hard, now the social media giants are both the platform and the technology for measuring "engagement". Isn't it blindingly obvious to ad buyers that they are essentially putting coins in a slot machine, pulling the "show my ads" lever, and getting a good feeling when the metrics show their ad 'went viral'?