4 ms·

> am I doing a sexism? Is it necessary to be so dismissive of a serious topic?

at_a_remove 5y ago
Good question. Yes, sometimes it is necessary, if that topic is relentlessly pounded into you as the parent commenter suggests. Hearing about something again and again is tiresome. Some people can and will grow irritated with that. And so they push back. Being mildly dismissive is probably the least you could hope for in that circumstance.
- quesera 5y ago
  I disagree. It sounds more to me like "I haven't thought about this much, but I caught a wind of someone who might be casting judgement upon me or people like me (those of us who haven't thought about it much). I do not like this, and rather than thinking about it, I'm going to mock the idea." ... which is all too common. IMO, legit questions: - Is Sylvia Plath defined by her death? Or just by the tragedy she wrote about, and lived? - Is she thought of differently due to her sex, or to the very dramatic way (and circumstances under which) she took her life? I lean toward this not being sexist as much as circumstantial. There's something about "killed self with gas in sealed room next to sleeping children" that strikes people as more tragic than "killed self with shotgun alone in mansion" -- i.e. the first sounds more like protracted desperation, and the second might be an act of brief despair. Of course the truth (such as we know it) is more complicated than that, but complication doesn't survive contact with general awareness.
  - at_a_remove 5y ago
    Well, rather than "sounds like" you could always ask the parent commenter if they are being dismissive because they are worn out of the topic. Why not do so? I used to hang in some very lefty circles and nothing makes me mentally check out of a conversation now more than those sorts of angles, because everything we talked about just ... went that direction.
    - lovemenot 5y ago
      They actually said "sounds more like to me". Two unmentioned qualifiers.
  - atatatat 5y ago
    > the first felt that suicide was their only option, whereas the second could have acted in a brief moment of despair. Please consider that you have no concept of the brain chemistry imbalances that can be the cause of suicide. What actions you choose don't necessarily have an anchor to what panic or pain is inside of you.
    - quesera 5y ago
      I think I edited to clarify before you commented, but it might have been a casualty of page-load-delayed-read. I agree with you.
- elliekelly 5y ago
  > Being mildly dismissive is probably the least you could hope for in that circumstance. I don’t even know what to say to this except that it is not only ridiculous but wholly inappropriate.
  - at_a_remove 5y ago
    To you, sure. Have you ever fallen in with a bunch of recently converted Christians? And conversation after conversation turns to Jesus? And you then become absolutely sick of it? Once someone has had their fill of something, you're gonna get pushback. Some people just ... don't want to talk about Jesus that much. But then imagine that you just can't seem to get away from them. Jesus on the radio. Someone brings up a movie and someone else has to discuss it from a Christian values standpoint. And it just never stops. Put yourself in the shoes of someone who doesn't need that much Jesus. You can do empathy, right?
apercu 5y ago
I don't know that they meant that flippantly. But at the same time I am glad you said something because if we objectively look at the world there IS rampant sexism and there IS rampant racism and we DO need to call it out.
- quesera 5y ago
  "Am I doing a sexism?" is dismissive, or at least sounds so. "Am I being sexist?" would be neutral. It's unfortunate that the meta-discussion is necessary, because it's way less interesting than "Is Plath's tragedy viewed differently due to her sex?".
  - apercu 5y ago
    It does sound dismissive (and flippant). lol

Good question. Yes, sometimes it is necessary, if that topic is relentlessly pounded into you as the parent commenter suggests. Hearing about something again and again is tiresome. Some people can and will grow irritated with that. And so they push back. Being mildly dismissive is probably the least you could hope for in that circumstance.

quesera 5y ago
I disagree. It sounds more to me like "I haven't thought about this much, but I caught a wind of someone who might be casting judgement upon me or people like me (those of us who haven't thought about it much). I do not like this, and rather than thinking about it, I'm going to mock the idea." ... which is all too common. IMO, legit questions: - Is Sylvia Plath defined by her death? Or just by the tragedy she wrote about, and lived? - Is she thought of differently due to her sex, or to the very dramatic way (and circumstances under which) she took her life? I lean toward this not being sexist as much as circumstantial. There's something about "killed self with gas in sealed room next to sleeping children" that strikes people as more tragic than "killed self with shotgun alone in mansion" -- i.e. the first sounds more like protracted desperation, and the second might be an act of brief despair. Of course the truth (such as we know it) is more complicated than that, but complication doesn't survive contact with general awareness.
- at_a_remove 5y ago
  Well, rather than "sounds like" you could always ask the parent commenter if they are being dismissive because they are worn out of the topic. Why not do so? I used to hang in some very lefty circles and nothing makes me mentally check out of a conversation now more than those sorts of angles, because everything we talked about just ... went that direction.
  - lovemenot 5y ago
    They actually said "sounds more like to me". Two unmentioned qualifiers.
- atatatat 5y ago
  > the first felt that suicide was their only option, whereas the second could have acted in a brief moment of despair. Please consider that you have no concept of the brain chemistry imbalances that can be the cause of suicide. What actions you choose don't necessarily have an anchor to what panic or pain is inside of you.
  - quesera 5y ago
    I think I edited to clarify before you commented, but it might have been a casualty of page-load-delayed-read. I agree with you.
elliekelly 5y ago
> Being mildly dismissive is probably the least you could hope for in that circumstance. I don’t even know what to say to this except that it is not only ridiculous but wholly inappropriate.
- at_a_remove 5y ago
  To you, sure. Have you ever fallen in with a bunch of recently converted Christians? And conversation after conversation turns to Jesus? And you then become absolutely sick of it? Once someone has had their fill of something, you're gonna get pushback. Some people just ... don't want to talk about Jesus that much. But then imagine that you just can't seem to get away from them. Jesus on the radio. Someone brings up a movie and someone else has to discuss it from a Christian values standpoint. And it just never stops. Put yourself in the shoes of someone who doesn't need that much Jesus. You can do empathy, right?

apercu 5y ago

I don't know that they meant that flippantly. But at the same time I am glad you said something because if we objectively look at the world there IS rampant sexism and there IS rampant racism and we DO need to call it out.

quesera 5y ago
"Am I doing a sexism?" is dismissive, or at least sounds so. "Am I being sexist?" would be neutral. It's unfortunate that the meta-discussion is necessary, because it's way less interesting than "Is Plath's tragedy viewed differently due to her sex?".
- apercu 5y ago
  It does sound dismissive (and flippant). lol