As usual DFW's writing is striking. I've had very strange experiences when starting antidepressants. For 2 or 3 weeks I'd have sudden urges to 'jump': incoming

As usual DFW's writing is striking. I've had very strange experiences when starting antidepressants. For 2 or 3 weeks I'd have sudden urges to 'jump': incoming train at the station, walking over a bridge with fast cars under, walking on the pavements next to fast traffic. I'd see a truck coming and I'd feel such a rush to jump, to end it all. I had never felt so strongly about it, and usually had suicidal ideation at other moments, but never such urgent calls to action. I avoided any triggering situation and started listening to myself a lot more. Apparently it's one of the first weeks' side effects but I wasn't prepared... After 2 weeks it started to fade and the drug started doing its work. But I think it was a huge dopamine rush coming without a counteracting 'I want to live' that was the most revealing about chemical imbalance and how suicide might be sometimes uninterpretable as 'just' psychological.