If there was a simple and dignified way to end my life I think I would have done it multiple times already. My whole life so far has been a struggle with feelin

If there was a simple and dignified way to end my life I think I would have done it multiple times already. My whole life so far has been a struggle with feeling that I am not fitting in, with social anxiety, depression and other stuff. There have also been good times but it seems whenever I start to believe that life is good, something happens, and the happiness is taken away. The older I get the more tired I get and I really don’t feel anymore like fighting to find a place in life where I feel ok. What’s holding me up mainly is that this would probably freak out family and friends and I don’t want to be a burden to them. I also still have the hope that one day things will get better but that hope is diminishing. I just watched somebody go through a serious cancer treatment and I am 100% sure that I wouldn’t have gone through the treatment but would have ended it. I don’t want to go through the hell of treatment only to end up back in a life that’s not much fun either.