I can relate to this a lot, also with my own experiences of Somatic Experiencing and forms of therapeutic breathwork. I did a few retreats myself, with the kno

I can relate to this a lot, also with my own experiences of Somatic Experiencing and forms of therapeutic breathwork. I did a few retreats myself, with the knowledge going in that it would be fucking brutal and that I could bring a lot of shit to the surface that I'd repressed for years. I had a therapist before, during, and after, as the primary focus was healing integrated with tantric practises. Even then it was 6 years of deep introspection, an enormous amount of suffering, and eventually a complete mental break that led to a few suicide attempts, self-harming and a year or so on medication. I didn't blame the retreats for that, or the meditation, and I still don't. I just didn't have the capacity to deal with it all and I never had a good coping mechanism in the first place, yet I was still facing this incredible amount of torment head on. Truly staring into my own abyss. I would not recommend this, or any kind of deep meditation, to anyone. Not unless they have a support network in place and only if they understand that it is a difficult journey that can and will see things getting worse for you before they get better. These days I'm off the medication, and I'm a different, more resilient, more self-aware person. Enough to know that what's done is done, the past is exactly that, and there's a lot more for me in the present moment. I am still very fond of what I learned through Tantra in that sense, and I'm glad I found my way through enough of that past trauma to start being able to live with it.