4 ms·

Oh yea - some people have a hard time adjusting to the life they're able to live, but for a while I subletted a bedroom for 250/mo in a party house and that per

by munk-a 5y ago

Oh yea - some people have a hard time adjusting to the life they're able to live, but for a while I subletted a bedroom for 250/mo in a party house and that period of my life was utterly miserable. I got absolutely terrible sleep and the bathroom frequently with a sink full of rotting limes encouraged me to spend as much time as possible loitering on campus. I would've had a hard time working during that period as my schedule was constantly in flux around when parties were happening and my ability to have a shower was sometimes limited by puke or passed out folks. You're mostly coming from an angle of personal choice but relocating yourself a significant distance costs a lot of money, it can be a financial burden to move across country or even across state. There are people who can voluntarily escape their situation (like your buddy) but there are a big portion that are just stuck there involuntarily. I'd add that it's also a bit unfair to judge people whose solutions seem solvable but are in tough spots. I don't know if you've ever lived through a period of high stress (I was a game developer for a while and worked a lot of overtime while suffering from OSA) but when you don't have room to breathe it can be hard to puzzle a way out of your situation. You're just focusing on surviving with what you've got and all your energy is going into it, you don't have the presence of mind to logically consider your options and decide to cut your losses and run.

TameAntelope 5y ago
Not only do I think it's not unfair, I think people who are in tough situations often hide in those tough situations as a way of explaining their continued poor choices, even though the situation, while tough, has no bearing on why people keep digging themselves into deeper and deeper holes. For example, it costs money to move out of SF, yes, but it also costs money to stay in SF, which is something you'd figure out if you stopped and evaluated the options. It's hard, I empathize with that, but it's no excuse. Everything is hard, and having the presence of mind to logically consider your options is your responsibility. Not taking that time is not a luxury people in those situations usually have, but seem to think they do because "do nothing" is always an option, no matter how costly it ends up actually being. I think it's fair to judge someone based on their decisions, doubly so for their decisions in a tough spot. There are always good choices to be made in a given situation, and not making those good choices (even if they're limited) is the responsibility of the individual, and nobody else.
- munk-a 5y ago
  I think that at some point in your life you may change your tune on that fact if you ever find yourself in an incredibly stressful situation. I do understand that it seems illogical from the outside, but struggling to survive can leave you blind to hope that things can get better and prevent you from having the stability of mind to sort out your shit. This is one of (but not the only reason) why abusive relationships are also such a big problem - while you're in them you don't have the personal power and stability to safely transition out of them.
  - TameAntelope 5y ago
    I disagree that I haven't been in an incredibly stressful situation, I think I just handled my stress appropriately and in a way that didn't make things worse. Further, I don't think what I did in stressful situations is relevant to this conversation at all, since we're talking about what one should do. Saying, "One should panic, and that's okay." is not accurate, I don't think. Surely it's understandable, but it's not what one ought to do.

by munk-a 5y ago

TameAntelope 5y ago

Not only do I think it's not unfair, I think people who are in tough situations often hide in those tough situations as a way of explaining their continued poor choices, even though the situation, while tough, has no bearing on why people keep digging themselves into deeper and deeper holes. For example, it costs money to move out of SF, yes, but it also costs money to stay in SF, which is something you'd figure out if you stopped and evaluated the options. It's hard, I empathize with that, but it's no excuse. Everything is hard, and having the presence of mind to logically consider your options is your responsibility. Not taking that time is not a luxury people in those situations usually have, but seem to think they do because "do nothing" is always an option, no matter how costly it ends up actually being. I think it's fair to judge someone based on their decisions, doubly so for their decisions in a tough spot. There are always good choices to be made in a given situation, and not making those good choices (even if they're limited) is the responsibility of the individual, and nobody else.

munk-a 5y ago
I think that at some point in your life you may change your tune on that fact if you ever find yourself in an incredibly stressful situation. I do understand that it seems illogical from the outside, but struggling to survive can leave you blind to hope that things can get better and prevent you from having the stability of mind to sort out your shit. This is one of (but not the only reason) why abusive relationships are also such a big problem - while you're in them you don't have the personal power and stability to safely transition out of them.
- TameAntelope 5y ago
  I disagree that I haven't been in an incredibly stressful situation, I think I just handled my stress appropriately and in a way that didn't make things worse. Further, I don't think what I did in stressful situations is relevant to this conversation at all, since we're talking about what one should do. Saying, "One should panic, and that's okay." is not accurate, I don't think. Surely it's understandable, but it's not what one ought to do.