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Totally agree. Even without the opposition, there's a similar issue about having vulnerable conversations. I had a buddy over last night and he relayed an exp
by jcims 5y ago
Totally agree.
Even without the opposition, there's a similar issue about having vulnerable conversations. I had a buddy over last night and he relayed an experience he had in NYC a few weeks ago. He was at a bar and saw this guy that just looked like he was in a bad place. He debated for a while whether or not to say anything but ultimately decided to break the ice and offer him a drink. The guy said he had to pace himself b/c he was going to be there a while.
My buddy's intuition was that this guy was close to walking in front of a subway train, so he said something along the lines of 'hey I'm happy to give you your privacy but I guarantee I'm a great listener'. The guy then proceeds to say that he and his oldest son were what he called 'vocal twins'. They sounded identical to each other in timbre and phrasing and mannerisms and everything. Well, six weeks prior, his son committed suicide while away at school. Obviously devastating to him and his wife, but eventually life has to start to resume. The guy was just getting started back at work and was on a call. Meanwhile his wife had just arrived home from grocery shopping, and upon hearing him on the phone immediately starting screaming and running into the room thinking her boy was back.
Talking it through, this guy and his wife decided that he would leave for a bit...but he wasn't sure how to know when it was ok to go back if his voice was going to trigger her that much. After that, my buddy and this guy proceeded to talk for another two hours about kids and life and work and I can't imagine the guy felt worse after.
My buddy is a natural extrovert and 20 years of being a lawyer in NYC has tuned his social instrument to a level that's rather magnificent to behold. If you tried to repeat this scenario on Twitter or in a subreddit or here on HN, all of the non-verbal cues that started and sustained the (IMHO very intimate and vulnerable) conversation would be completely absent.
- renewiltord 5y agoA fascinating story. Thank you for sharing. I love these tales of human interaction. The thing I find surprising is that if you stop and interact with random people, you'll have a plethora of these kinds of stories. That is, they sound rare, but in reality they are super common. And the only thing stopping you experiencing them is playing the odds.
- holdenc 5y agoBrilliant story. This is the NYC that I remember.
- abhiminator 5y agoBeautiful story. Please pass on my gratitude to your lawyer buddy for making that stranger's life better. Gosh, HN can be wonderfully soothing sometimes! :)
- dQw4w9WgXcQ 5y agoFrom my experience these sorts of conversations come much more easily in rural diners and country grocery stores than NYC bars (or at least places where people aren't generally trying to "be" someone). And it really doesn't take much tuning of any personal social instrument, just a willingness to lay one's own instrument down and enjoy the unique sound of another's.
- downWidOutaFite 5y agoI'm trying and failing to imagine how one would strike up a deep conversation with a stranger at a grocery store or at a diner, except maybe one of those diners that has counter seating which resembles a bar. As for the rural part, I have no idea why it would matter.