3 ms·

So you want a lot of children, but not to take care of them. Ok.

by c-cube 5y ago

iammisc 5y ago
Not true at all. I just recognize that as a man, my utility at home is limited in the early days. Newborns want to nurse and sleep mostly, which -- get this -- their mothers also want to do. Of course, immediately after birth, you definitely need an extra caretaker at home to help mom heal. Now before I proceed, please note I am completely in favor of paid family leave, especially for parental leave. I think it's a shame we don't have a paid family leave system throughout the country. My only disagreement is on the length of time. With a new baby, it's nice for dad to be around to get used to the new dynamic, to get the newborn baby cuddles out of the way, and to spend time with older children who may be stressed by the arrival of a new sibling, but that's a few weeks (I'd say 4 weeks on average, maybe 6 for the first) plus some early days, not a few months (unless there are extenuating circumstances). Moreover, dad honestly shouldn't be taking care of kids all day. Dad (and mom too, but this article is about paternity leave) is in the prime of his career. Money is necessary to raise children, and dad's utility making money is almost always greater than the utility he provides at home. I think a more reasonable solution to paternity leave is some weeks off followed by the ability to take early days to spend a little extra time with family. The months-long policies some countries mandate seem excessive to me. Or alternatively, instead of paying dad to stay home and do nothing, pay grandparents and family caretakers instead. Paternity leave should be 'transferrable', so if dad decides to go back early, the money that would have been paid to him is paid to grandma and grandpa (or aunt and uncle or cousin or whatever) instead. American families are incredibly atomized (same is true of most western societies). This necessitates parental leave, when in reality, most men probably don't need very much paternity leave if they knew mom was supported at home. For me and my wife, I will take a relatively short paternity leave (4 weeks) with our next baby. My mom and dad and my mother and father-in-law will take care of our other children and help my wife with the baby while she's home. It's nice to see both my father and father-in-law who both worked very hard to provide for my wife and I get to spend time just taking care of their grandchildren, instead of having to focus on work. For me, being in a different stage of life, I recognize my work and income is the biggest utility I have to my family. When I am an old man and my children have grandchildren (God willing), I will take care of them as well. My father spends almost every day with my children, playing with them, talking to them, and taking them around town. That's great. Kids love their granddads, and granddad -- who is retired -- best serves his family by helping his children with their families. I am happy to see my dad take this leading role with my kids because he is making up for time he didn't get to spend with us. Honestly, I find the idea that mom and dad have to look after baby all day and night absolutely baffling. For my brother and I, we were raised mostly by our grandparents and aunts day-to-day. Both my mother and father took very short paternity/maternity leaves. Both worked. Grandparents and family took care of us as much as possible. We were shuffled around a lot. This was fine. I don't feel like I missed out at all. In contrast, I feel like my peers missed out. Some of my friends only really have a relationship with parents. They have little contact with extended family, whereas I am always talking to my grandparents (when they were alive at least) and my aunts. I'm pretty market-oriented when it comes to public policy, but frankly, family ought to work like a communist dictatorship. From each according to his ability, to each according to his need. My ability is in work, and I don't need the same amount of rest my wife does after birth. She'll be well supported by our family. My children will grow up surrounded by their entire family, not just mom and dad, as it ought to be.
- deleted 5y ago
  [deleted]

So you want a lot of children, but not to take care of them. Ok.

by c-cube 5y ago

So you want a lot of children, but not to take care of them. Ok.

Not true at all. I just recognize that as a man, my utility at home is limited in the early days. Newborns want to nurse and sleep mostly, which -- get this -- their mothers also want to do. Of course, immediately after birth, you definitely need an extra caretaker at home to help mom heal. Now before I proceed, please note I am completely in favor of paid family leave, especially for parental leave. I think it's a shame we don't have a paid family leave system throughout the country. My only disagreement is on the length of time. With a new baby, it's nice for dad to be around to get used to the new dynamic, to get the newborn baby cuddles out of the way, and to spend time with older children who may be stressed by the arrival of a new sibling, but that's a few weeks (I'd say 4 weeks on average, maybe 6 for the first) plus some early days, not a few months (unless there are extenuating circumstances). Moreover, dad honestly shouldn't be taking care of kids all day. Dad (and mom too, but this article is about paternity leave) is in the prime of his career. Money is necessary to raise children, and dad's utility making money is almost always greater than the utility he provides at home. I think a more reasonable solution to paternity leave is some weeks off followed by the ability to take early days to spend a little extra time with family. The months-long policies some countries mandate seem excessive to me. Or alternatively, instead of paying dad to stay home and do nothing, pay grandparents and family caretakers instead. Paternity leave should be 'transferrable', so if dad decides to go back early, the money that would have been paid to him is paid to grandma and grandpa (or aunt and uncle or cousin or whatever) instead. American families are incredibly atomized (same is true of most western societies). This necessitates parental leave, when in reality, most men probably don't need very much paternity leave if they knew mom was supported at home. For me and my wife, I will take a relatively short paternity leave (4 weeks) with our next baby. My mom and dad and my mother and father-in-law will take care of our other children and help my wife with the baby while she's home. It's nice to see both my father and father-in-law who both worked very hard to provide for my wife and I get to spend time just taking care of their grandchildren, instead of having to focus on work. For me, being in a different stage of life, I recognize my work and income is the biggest utility I have to my family. When I am an old man and my children have grandchildren (God willing), I will take care of them as well. My father spends almost every day with my children, playing with them, talking to them, and taking them around town. That's great. Kids love their granddads, and granddad -- who is retired -- best serves his family by helping his children with their families. I am happy to see my dad take this leading role with my kids because he is making up for time he didn't get to spend with us. Honestly, I find the idea that mom and dad have to look after baby all day and night absolutely baffling. For my brother and I, we were raised mostly by our grandparents and aunts day-to-day. Both my mother and father took very short paternity/maternity leaves. Both worked. Grandparents and family took care of us as much as possible. We were shuffled around a lot. This was fine. I don't feel like I missed out at all. In contrast, I feel like my peers missed out. Some of my friends only really have a relationship with parents. They have little contact with extended family, whereas I am always talking to my grandparents (when they were alive at least) and my aunts. I'm pretty market-oriented when it comes to public policy, but frankly, family ought to work like a communist dictatorship. From each according to his ability, to each according to his need. My ability is in work, and I don't need the same amount of rest my wife does after birth. She'll be well supported by our family. My children will grow up surrounded by their entire family, not just mom and dad, as it ought to be.

deleted 5y ago
[deleted]