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The Cultural Implications of Silence Around the World (2020)
- mathewsanders 5y agoI have a background in research, and moving to the United States I’ve had some situations where I’ve coached people in a team who’ve never directly talked to their customers. Something I always have to do with Americans is to practice getting them comfortable with silence. A tip I stole from someone else (can’t remember who otherwise I’d credit) when asking a question in research interview is to stay silent until you’re feeling uncomfortable, and then count slowly another 3 seconds before asking a follow up prompt. The majority of the time, people do have useful things to say if you are willing to give them the space to speak.
- sovietmudkipz 5y agoIn my experience at a software company located in the Midwest, I find most engineers engage in a hard listening culture. They have things that may want to say but do not want to say their thoughts for a myriad of reasons. My (soft) heuristic towards engagement in meetings is to call on others and ask their thoughts. Sometimes I get a squeamish non-answer but sometimes I get a answer worth it’s weight in gold. There are some who engage in a hard speaking culture, too. My heuristic operates to hear from everyone, when practical and possible.
- deleted 5y ago[deleted]
- draw_down 5y agoI find that in tech or general corporate America, your opinion is requested but only when it falls within certain bounds. Your view is desired when it is appropriately positive and sunny; when you see clouds on the horizon that’s to be kept to yourself. The extent to which this dynamic is present differs of course. What you’re construing as a squeamish non-answer may be more politically shrewd than you care to admit, or it may be that the person has previously spoken their mind and gotten their hand slapped. Once bitten twice shy. Especially in the context of this piece which attempts to get people to see each other a bit more fully, instead of jumping to conclusions, I think it’s worth bearing in mind that there can be more than meets the eye.
- porknubbins 5y agoWhat is meant by hard listening? I’ve never heard that. If engineers are reluctant to speak up its probably because years of experience that management/regular people just wants yes/no/we can do that type answers. Giving technical answers to things is sometimes perceived as aggressive or intimidating because the people who are supposed to be in charge often can’t follow all details. It takes a rare boss to truly trust the engineers.
- bellyfullofbac 5y agoYet another misuse of the word "Bahasa" as if that's shorthand for "Indonesian". "Bahasa" literally just means "language", the Indonesian language doesn't have eponyms, so to say "He is Australian" you have to include the noun "person", so "Dia orang Australia" (Sound familiar? "orang utan" means "jungle person"). Same deal with language/bahasa. People saying "I speak Bahasa" sounds to me like people saying "I speak Sprache" to say they know German or "I speak langue" for French. It's eye-rollingly obnoxious.
- ithkuil 5y agoAnd don't forget Bahasa Malaysia
- ta1234567890 5y agoInteresting. It’s similar to the use of the word “chai” in the US. It originally means tea, but in the US it is used to mean a specific blend/preparation (usually masala), so they say “I’ll have a chai tea”, which literally means “I’ll have a tea tea”.
- grogenaut 5y agocarne asada grilled steak burrito for me
- pksebben 5y agoTo heavy for my taste, I'll have the ahi tuna.
- booleandilemma 5y agoSee also: ATM machine, PIN number
- NikolaNovak 5y ago"built on NT Technology" :)
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- sudasana 5y ago> In the 6th century, Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu claimed that "Silence is a source of great strength.” 6th century BCE, attributed.
- nayuki 5y ago> Given the different ways silence is used in China (a listening culture) and Canada (a speaking culture) ... I observed the opposite. When I speak Chinese to Chinese people in Toronto, Canada - friends/family/business - I find that they speak faster, are more likely to interrupt or talk over me, and tend to push their viewpoints instead of waiting to hear yours. I've interacted with Chinese vs. Canadian bankers, salespeople, doctors, etc., and the contrast is noticeable for me. This isn't a statement about whether one way is better (e.g. I find the Chinese are more straightforward with their intentions, whereas Canadians leave more things implied); this is just an observation about tendencies.
- booleandilemma 5y agoIncidentally, one of the most high-strung, anxious people I’ve ever met was a Buddhist. There was nothing Zen-like about this person.
- billyjobob 5y agoThat makes sense if he was a convert to Buddhism, because Buddhism in the West is marketed as a treatment for anxious people.
- BadInformatics 5y agoYeah, this is true in China as well IME. Perhaps TFA is extrapolating from experiences in other East Asian countries?
- psychomugs 5y agoCue DFW's rant on silence and Pulp Fiction's uncomfortable silence scene [1, 2]. The author mentions Japan but doesn't mention aizuchi, a constant backchanneling that signals attentiveness that I'd classify as the opposite of silent pontificating [3]. [1] https://youtu.be/iGLzWdT7vGc?t=1794 https://youtu.be/iGLzWdT7vGc?t=1794 [2] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KnVX-uv-QPc https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KnVX-uv-QPc [3] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aizuchi https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aizuchi
- Clewza313 5y agoAizuchi are a universal phenomenon. "Yeah, uh-huh, exactly, I know right" serve the same function in English.
- psychomugs 5y agoBackchanneling is not exclusive to Japanese, but overuse in other languages can be perceived as rude and a sign of inattentiveness. You need to experience a casual Japanese conversation to realize how prevalent it is [1]. After my stint there, people noticed how much I backchannel even in my other languages. [1] https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/language-in-society/article/abs/backchannels-across-cultures-a-study-of-americans-and-japanese1/B26AC3C44C237B9A380A5494EA5693ED https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/language-in-society/... "The findings reveal that backchannels of several types are displayed far more frequently by Japanese listeners."
- socialdemocrat 5y agoNordics and say Japanese may be listening cultures but in such a profoundly different way that it is hard to put them in the same group. Japanese and Koreans speak in a very indirect and polite fashion. Us Nordics tend to be very blunt and direct. But we share this with the Dutch and Germans. For me the main dividers are between direct and indirect speakers. Like Americans like to keep things a bit fluffy and casual until they know you better or have sort of warmed up in the conversation. We are often opposite. We like going straight to the point and do the fluffy stuff last as way of ending a conversation.
- shagie 5y agoThis is known as "context". https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/High-context_and_low-context_cultures https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/High-context_and_low-context_c... The Western European and Scandinavian cultures are often used as the classic example of low context cultures and asian and middle eastern ones as the classic as high context cultures. Look up the art of Yang Liu and the "Ost triff West" project ( http://www.thedailytop.com/24-infographic-shows-differences-germans-chinese/ http://www.thedailytop.com/24-infographic-shows-differences-... ) Though, even within a culture, there are graduations of context. Rural tends to be higher context than urban (pull up https://www.bigtop.org/tentshowradio.html https://www.bigtop.org/tentshowradio.html and listen to the last minute of the podcast... "well, I suppose..." - that's rural midwest US - and there are different high/low context cultures across the US - http://robslink.com/SAS/democd83/us_regional_cultures_map.htm http://robslink.com/SAS/democd83/us_regional_cultures_map.ht... ). This can show up in some odd spots: * https://webdata-solutions.com/en/2018/08/01/why-you-should-consider-cultural-factors-in-pricing/ https://webdata-solutions.com/en/2018/08/01/why-you-should-c... * https://langsolinc.com/cross-cultural-communication/ https://langsolinc.com/cross-cultural-communication/ There's a lot of other material on this that is rather interesting.
- yencabulator 5y agoAmerica vs Nordics is almost the opposite ends. Americans will ask you fluffy questions if they don't know you -- not expecting an answer! -- while Northern Europeans will mostly engage strangers factually and to the point. And you don't go asking strangers about how their day has been, that's none of your business, and you wouldn't do that unless you were actually offering to help deal with their stresses or such.
- maroonblazer 5y agoWhile I generally appreciate silence more so than most, I've noticed a kind of unhealthy silence in certain work situations over the last 18 months. While I've mostly enjoyed the pandemic-induced remote meetings via Teams/Zoom, et al, one thing that's annoyed me is people's unwillingness - when they don't turn on their cameras, which is 95% of the time in my org - to compensate for the fact that no one can see anyone else. So someone will ask a question like "Does anyone have any questions?" In pre-pandemic days the questioner could scan the faces of those in the room and see people shaking their head "no". In virtual meetings with cameras off that's not possible. To me, that's awkward, and not in the good way that Uma's character in Pulp Fiction means[0]. Are people even paying attention? Did they hear me? Are they checking their email or otherwise multi-tasking? So I've begun responding verbally to such questions and to otherwise fill the void that's left when no one wants to turn on a camera. [0] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KnVX-uv-QPc https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KnVX-uv-QPc
- whatever_dude 5y agoAs a Latin American (of Italian heritage!) that moved to the US, I learned this the hard way. Many times, as an introvert, I sometimes like to be silent myself, even if I'm enjoying the moment. As the article say, this doesn't tend to be a problem in Latin America, because people are always talking over each other (and that's fine!), so anyone keeping quiet works ok. But in the US, you're expected to talk, so keeping quiet means something is wrong. I finally got tired of people asking "what's wrong? why aren't you saying anything?" (and not understanding when I answer that nothing is wrong and that yes, I'm having a good time). So I started making a point of saying something of no value every now and then, to fill my quota. This seems to make everyone happy.
- msluyter 5y agoI've also had the problem of being overly quiet at times, in meetings typically. Unfortunately it gives the impression of being unengaged, when in reality I may just be thinking deeply about something. My solution, analogous to yours, is to ask questions -- which IMHO may be quite valuable at times!
- jeffrallen 5y ago
- euroderf 5y agoAs an American living in Finland you find that there is no such thing in Finnish culture as an "awkward silence". And (more humorously) when there's a group of people all talking, and someone says something really stupid and embarrassing, it's rare that someone steps in to save the offender's bacon by moving the conversation onward. Instead the stupid just hangs in the air for a looooong moment. Eye contact, knowing smiles. Highly entertaining.