If you ever come across someone who claims to be "rational", ask them about their butt-cleaning routine. For the enlightenment of fellow HN people I'd like to

If you ever come across someone who claims to be "rational", ask them about their butt-cleaning routine. For the enlightenment of fellow HN people I'd like to share my personal butt-cleaning process, one that I've followed 9159 times with no hygiene-related issues. Step 0: Wake up in the morning, immediately feel like vacating bowels. Step 1: Enter Indian-style toilet. Step 2: Take dump. Step 3: Once finished, keep my phone a safe distance away so that it doesn't fall into the pot. Step 4: Take a mug of water, and do a thorough cleaning of my /dev/random with the dominant hand. Step 5: Gently wipe the area with some toilet paper, keeping a close eye on the shades of brown that appear on it. Step 6: If toilet paper appears clean then continue to next step, else go back to step 3. Step 7: Wash hands with soap. Step 8: Be grateful for the invention of the sewage system. I feel like butt cleaning is one of those things that will look very different 100 years from now. Future generations will look back with confusion and disgust at our use of toilet paper as the mechanism for cleaning the butt post dump.