5 ms·

This may shock you, but things have changed significantly in the past 20 years. Technology is even more necessary for social activity than when we were young.

This may shock you, but things have changed significantly in the past 20 years. Technology is even more necessary for social activity than when we were young. And I remember being the kid at the birthday parties that couldn't play video games, and couldn't participate in conversation at the lunch table because video games were most of what my friends talked about. Made me a permanent second-class citizen in my social group, which sucked. Got to the point where I literally did research on the games (reading strategy guides and such) just to have something to talk about. If the group plays poker, and you aren't allowed because of a moral stance on gambling, that's going to hurt your social opportunities quite substantially. Also don't make the classic mistake of assuming your kids have all the same variables you did, or can approach the same variables the same way. You have to adapt your experiences to their environment and their personality/needs, often with different outcomes than what you experienced. Most parents are too cowardly for that and mess up their kids with strict enforcement of obsolete rules or letting them run wild with too little structure/guidance.

weimerica 5y ago
> Technology is even more necessary for social activity than when we were young. Oddly, my own children do not have that same issue. In a world of billions, there are no universal claims like this.
- OldTimeCoffee 5y ago
  Parent here, have you asked them if not having a phone has been a problem? Or are you just assuming it isn't because it hasn't been a problem with them for you.
- Cipater 5y ago
  How can you be so sure that they're not being affected socially? Because they don't tell you about it?
- leetcrew 5y ago
  just curious, how old are you children? you mentioned having a toddler further up. it makes sense that most social activities are planned by the parents anyway at that age. I remember things starting to change in middle school. kids started making same-day plans for after school and shooting their parents a quick text to say where they were going. I tried using the school's phone a few times when I was invited, but there wasn't always time to visit the office between classes. that was pretty clunky to do one or more times per week, and I knew I would be in big trouble if I wasn't there when my dad came to pick me up. so I just had to accept that I wouldn't be participating in most of those spontaneous hangouts until I got a phone. like you said, everyone is different. some kids are charismatic enough that everyone else will work around whatever inconveniences they bring. others are not. I knew my parents had a very firm stance on stuff like phones, so I didn't bother complaining about it much.
  - handrous 5y ago
    Some of my daughter's second grade friends already have personal cell phones. I am (very) reliably informed that at one nearby school with 6th-8th grade, almost every kid, even the ones from very poor or unstable families, has a cell phone. The tipping point for "over half of my classmates have cell phones" seems to be in the 3rd-5th grade range. The schools let them carry them around all day, too, which is very confusing to me. They're not supposed to use them, but they do all the time, and teachers/admin are reluctant to confiscate them on more than a "you can have this back at the end of the day" basis (and usually not even that), because parents freak the fuck out if you hold on to their kids' phone overnight, no matter what (and, with limits only way at the extreme end, I really mean "no matter what") they were doing with it.
    - watwut 5y ago
      I would be annoyed too over that. I do need my kids to have phone, cause that is how we coordinate normally and not having them would be pain in ass for me.
      - handrous 5y ago
watwut 5y ago
> If the group plays poker, and you aren't allowed because of a moral stance on gambling, that's going to hurt your social opportunities quite substantially. In this specific case, I dont want them do well in gambling social system. Seen damage it causes in long term. Generally I agree with you tho. Just gambling group is fine for my kids to not fit in.

weimerica 5y ago

> Technology is even more necessary for social activity than when we were young. Oddly, my own children do not have that same issue. In a world of billions, there are no universal claims like this.

OldTimeCoffee 5y ago
Parent here, have you asked them if not having a phone has been a problem? Or are you just assuming it isn't because it hasn't been a problem with them for you.
Cipater 5y ago
How can you be so sure that they're not being affected socially? Because they don't tell you about it?
leetcrew 5y ago
just curious, how old are you children? you mentioned having a toddler further up. it makes sense that most social activities are planned by the parents anyway at that age. I remember things starting to change in middle school. kids started making same-day plans for after school and shooting their parents a quick text to say where they were going. I tried using the school's phone a few times when I was invited, but there wasn't always time to visit the office between classes. that was pretty clunky to do one or more times per week, and I knew I would be in big trouble if I wasn't there when my dad came to pick me up. so I just had to accept that I wouldn't be participating in most of those spontaneous hangouts until I got a phone. like you said, everyone is different. some kids are charismatic enough that everyone else will work around whatever inconveniences they bring. others are not. I knew my parents had a very firm stance on stuff like phones, so I didn't bother complaining about it much.
- handrous 5y ago
  Some of my daughter's second grade friends already have personal cell phones. I am (very) reliably informed that at one nearby school with 6th-8th grade, almost every kid, even the ones from very poor or unstable families, has a cell phone. The tipping point for "over half of my classmates have cell phones" seems to be in the 3rd-5th grade range. The schools let them carry them around all day, too, which is very confusing to me. They're not supposed to use them, but they do all the time, and teachers/admin are reluctant to confiscate them on more than a "you can have this back at the end of the day" basis (and usually not even that), because parents freak the fuck out if you hold on to their kids' phone overnight, no matter what (and, with limits only way at the extreme end, I really mean "no matter what") they were doing with it.
  - watwut 5y ago
    I would be annoyed too over that. I do need my kids to have phone, cause that is how we coordinate normally and not having them would be pain in ass for me.
    - handrous 5y ago

watwut 5y ago

> If the group plays poker, and you aren't allowed because of a moral stance on gambling, that's going to hurt your social opportunities quite substantially. In this specific case, I dont want them do well in gambling social system. Seen damage it causes in long term. Generally I agree with you tho. Just gambling group is fine for my kids to not fit in.