6 ms·

> Here are some of my tools that I fall back on when people are mean ... 3) Literally shake it off. I personally have found a lot of healing in shaking things

> Here are some of my tools that I fall back on when people are mean ... 3) Literally shake it off. I personally have found a lot of healing in shaking things off quite literally, as well as other kinaesthetic movements. The classic guy prescription for anything that ails you, including a broken leg, is "Walk it off". That's not such good advice for a broken leg, but for me it's excellent advice for dealing with social trauma, from getting dumped by a girlfriend to a mean tweet. Major bonus points if the walk is through nature, which the Japanese call shinrin-yoku, a "forest bath". It's great therapy for dealing with the narcissists and sociopaths of social media world. Even better if you turn off the phone. And pro tip, when walking in the woods with the phone off, listen to the tweets.

etempleton 5y ago
What works for me is trying to think like a stoic. What I like about stoicism is it is phenomenally objective and practical. Will being upset improve my situation? Will being short-tempered back to a person that was short with you be helpful in any way? If yes, then by all means be upset. If no, then you know it is an irrational emotional response and it is best just pretend it did not happen. Learn a lesson from it, but do not let it impact your mood.
jfengel 5y ago
I do highly recommend it, but be aware that it's easier for some people than for others. Sometimes a mean thing is just a mean thing; sometimes it's a genuine threat or a serious blow to your social standing. That's why we react so strongly. The safer you are (physically, emotionally, financially), the easier it is to dismiss it as the former rather than the latter. People who are in a more precarious position in life don't always have the luxury for that. It takes more of an effort to make that dismissal, and it usually comes on top of other stresses that, collectively, build up. So I do strongly recommend that advice, but it's important to note that it's not as easy as it sounds. And when you're the tenth person today to recommend that advice, people get angry -- you're making it worse. I recommend a bit of empathy when that happens. And if it makes you feel bad, it's time to take your own advice.
smitty1e 5y ago
Maybe less 'literally'. Also, sparing use of the personal pronoun.

etempleton 5y ago

What works for me is trying to think like a stoic. What I like about stoicism is it is phenomenally objective and practical. Will being upset improve my situation? Will being short-tempered back to a person that was short with you be helpful in any way? If yes, then by all means be upset. If no, then you know it is an irrational emotional response and it is best just pretend it did not happen. Learn a lesson from it, but do not let it impact your mood.

jfengel 5y ago

I do highly recommend it, but be aware that it's easier for some people than for others. Sometimes a mean thing is just a mean thing; sometimes it's a genuine threat or a serious blow to your social standing. That's why we react so strongly. The safer you are (physically, emotionally, financially), the easier it is to dismiss it as the former rather than the latter. People who are in a more precarious position in life don't always have the luxury for that. It takes more of an effort to make that dismissal, and it usually comes on top of other stresses that, collectively, build up. So I do strongly recommend that advice, but it's important to note that it's not as easy as it sounds. And when you're the tenth person today to recommend that advice, people get angry -- you're making it worse. I recommend a bit of empathy when that happens. And if it makes you feel bad, it's time to take your own advice.

smitty1e 5y ago

Maybe less 'literally'. Also, sparing use of the personal pronoun.