5 ms·

There’s a bit of a difference between not getting candy, and not having any friends. You’re doing your kid no favours if you think that’s a plus.

JumpCrisscross 5y ago
> not having any friends Not having any friends is unlikely. But if their friends are connecting and coördinating on their phones, the odd one out will be at a disadvantage. Depending on how close they are, this could be resolved by them finding a workaround as a group. (For example, buying a prepaid smartphone.)
nkrisc 5y ago
If those kids are actually their friends, they’ll make it work.
- kayodelycaon 5y ago
  I can say from personal experience, this is absolute not the case. When everyone is using a service you aren't using, you get left out and you're less able to make friends in the first place. Even if you do manage to make friends, a lot of people won't remember you're the only person they know who isn't able to see the facebook event everyone else is invited to.
  - b3morales 5y ago
    Exactly! They're not necessarily being mean, and this isn't even a "kids" thing, either: it's just humans. I have the same problem, as a grown adult.
- skeeter2020 5y ago
  haha! or they'll make it work by not being friends. If a social group is based around playing a specific online game, why would they be friends with your kid if they don't even play?
  - e7r7eu3gf 5y ago
    You can't use a dismissive tone on HN just because someone said something obviously stupid and indicative of poor social understanding. No wonder you got voted into the grey.
    - nkrisc 5y ago
      If you think what I said was obviously stupid or indicative of poor social understanding, you should respond to me directly and at least explain why you think that. When I was a kid, friendships were made in person: at school, extra curricular activities, at the park, etc. Maybe I’m so out of touch and kids never actually see each other face to face anymore and live entirely online these days. My friends and I did play games online together, and at school we’d brainstorm games that we could all play together. The point was to do stuff together, so we’re fine ways to make sure we were doing stuff together. Are you telling me things have changed so much that nobody makes friends in person anymore?
- bootlooped 5y ago
  A few years ago an old friend of mine died. This was announced on Facebook. I'm not on Facebook. Nobody told me until a couple months later. It's a basic fact of life that the more friction there is to doing something, the less that thing will get done. Sure, some people will manage to make it work, but others won't be so lucky.
- vmception 5y ago
  A lot of oblivious green bubbles in this thread
  - noneeeed 5y ago
    What is "green bubbles" a reference to? I understand what you mean, I think, I've just not heard that phrase before. Also, totally agree.
    - kube-system 5y ago
      It's a reference to the green background messages in iMessage, which indicate that the other person is not using iMessage.
      - vmception 5y ago
        And to add further, they don’t know they are being excluded from some more interactive imessage group chats or at the very least talked about or noticed They rationalize their choices with “I don't want to be around superficial people like that anyway” not realizing just how many people are judging and questioning their decision making process “oh god someone thats going to talk my ear off about all the control they have over their phone but cant share a photo when signal drops on a hike” Anyway hope it gets better, it shouldn't be “wealthy Americans use Apple devices and ignore cross platform chat apps” but right now it is. Maybe Apple’s Imessage and Airdrop go cross platform and help fix this culture, instead of relying on Google and a ton of OEMs to improve a UX they dont care about. People don’t want to send unencrypted SMS.
        swiley 5y ago
        But remember, poor Apple shouldn't be hit with an anti-trust lawsuit over this.
        vmception 5y ago
        haha ehh it is just a notification that the SMS is unencrypted, whereas iMessage is encrypted the culture itself created the rest of the consternation in favor of Apple. Apple can successfully lean on it being an unencrypted notification than an anti competitive practice. Even two iMessage users can randomly fail back to green bubbles and the SMS network, and it has nothing to do with competitors.
- kube-system 5y ago
  Youth is a time when people develop friendships. The interactions come first, and friendships are a result of that.
- xeromal 5y ago
  How do you make "actual" friends if the baseline is to be in the group chat. Good friends start as an acquaintance. Imagine your kid starts school for the first time and everyone shares their group chat QR code. Your kid can't and now will slowly be left behind as other kids set up plans to go skate, game ,whatever.
- handrous 5y ago
  I'm very anti-technology for software dev, especially for kids, and pro "who cares, the kid can get over it, they'll be fine" in general, but that's a recipe for going to the wrong place at the wrong time to meet up when your close friends remember to CC you but then others on the thread modify the arrangements and everyone forgets that they have to send you your own, special message to let you know. And having that happen enough times that people get uncomfortable even notifying you in the first place, and annoyed at having to go out of their way to account for your (to them) pointless quirk.

JumpCrisscross 5y ago

> not having any friends Not having any friends is unlikely. But if their friends are connecting and coördinating on their phones, the odd one out will be at a disadvantage. Depending on how close they are, this could be resolved by them finding a workaround as a group. (For example, buying a prepaid smartphone.)

nkrisc 5y ago

If those kids are actually their friends, they’ll make it work.

kayodelycaon 5y ago
I can say from personal experience, this is absolute not the case. When everyone is using a service you aren't using, you get left out and you're less able to make friends in the first place. Even if you do manage to make friends, a lot of people won't remember you're the only person they know who isn't able to see the facebook event everyone else is invited to.
- b3morales 5y ago
  Exactly! They're not necessarily being mean, and this isn't even a "kids" thing, either: it's just humans. I have the same problem, as a grown adult.
skeeter2020 5y ago
haha! or they'll make it work by not being friends. If a social group is based around playing a specific online game, why would they be friends with your kid if they don't even play?
- e7r7eu3gf 5y ago
  You can't use a dismissive tone on HN just because someone said something obviously stupid and indicative of poor social understanding. No wonder you got voted into the grey.
  - nkrisc 5y ago
    If you think what I said was obviously stupid or indicative of poor social understanding, you should respond to me directly and at least explain why you think that. When I was a kid, friendships were made in person: at school, extra curricular activities, at the park, etc. Maybe I’m so out of touch and kids never actually see each other face to face anymore and live entirely online these days. My friends and I did play games online together, and at school we’d brainstorm games that we could all play together. The point was to do stuff together, so we’re fine ways to make sure we were doing stuff together. Are you telling me things have changed so much that nobody makes friends in person anymore?
bootlooped 5y ago
A few years ago an old friend of mine died. This was announced on Facebook. I'm not on Facebook. Nobody told me until a couple months later. It's a basic fact of life that the more friction there is to doing something, the less that thing will get done. Sure, some people will manage to make it work, but others won't be so lucky.
vmception 5y ago
A lot of oblivious green bubbles in this thread
- noneeeed 5y ago
  What is "green bubbles" a reference to? I understand what you mean, I think, I've just not heard that phrase before. Also, totally agree.
  - kube-system 5y ago
    It's a reference to the green background messages in iMessage, which indicate that the other person is not using iMessage.
    - vmception 5y ago
      And to add further, they don’t know they are being excluded from some more interactive imessage group chats or at the very least talked about or noticed They rationalize their choices with “I don't want to be around superficial people like that anyway” not realizing just how many people are judging and questioning their decision making process “oh god someone thats going to talk my ear off about all the control they have over their phone but cant share a photo when signal drops on a hike” Anyway hope it gets better, it shouldn't be “wealthy Americans use Apple devices and ignore cross platform chat apps” but right now it is. Maybe Apple’s Imessage and Airdrop go cross platform and help fix this culture, instead of relying on Google and a ton of OEMs to improve a UX they dont care about. People don’t want to send unencrypted SMS.
      - swiley 5y ago
        But remember, poor Apple shouldn't be hit with an anti-trust lawsuit over this.
        vmception 5y ago
        haha ehh it is just a notification that the SMS is unencrypted, whereas iMessage is encrypted the culture itself created the rest of the consternation in favor of Apple. Apple can successfully lean on it being an unencrypted notification than an anti competitive practice. Even two iMessage users can randomly fail back to green bubbles and the SMS network, and it has nothing to do with competitors.
kube-system 5y ago
Youth is a time when people develop friendships. The interactions come first, and friendships are a result of that.
xeromal 5y ago
How do you make "actual" friends if the baseline is to be in the group chat. Good friends start as an acquaintance. Imagine your kid starts school for the first time and everyone shares their group chat QR code. Your kid can't and now will slowly be left behind as other kids set up plans to go skate, game ,whatever.
handrous 5y ago
I'm very anti-technology for software dev, especially for kids, and pro "who cares, the kid can get over it, they'll be fine" in general, but that's a recipe for going to the wrong place at the wrong time to meet up when your close friends remember to CC you but then others on the thread modify the arrangements and everyone forgets that they have to send you your own, special message to let you know. And having that happen enough times that people get uncomfortable even notifying you in the first place, and annoyed at having to go out of their way to account for your (to them) pointless quirk.