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Many Americans don't have communities to fall back on. I was raised by a single mother 6000 miles from her family. We didn't have family or community to rely on
by rednerrus 5y ago
Many Americans don't have communities to fall back on. I was raised by a single mother 6000 miles from her family. We didn't have family or community to rely on. I was alone a lot as a child. As such I didn't get all of the socialization that many people got. I like to think of it like growing up without hearing language. I didn't get it as a part of my upbringing. I had to seek it out and learn it, in the same way you would a language.
In the beginning I didn't have the tools to seek it out with other human beings. I didn't speak the basic "language". I feel incredibly fortunate that there were books out there that I had access to that helped with where to start. Simple things like how to ask for help. Eventually (20 something years later) I have enough "language" in my vocabulary, thanks in great part to amazing books written by incredible writers who have devoted their lives to helping other people, to navigate a complex social life. I am incredibly grateful to these authors.
This is an issue plaguing Americans. There are threads everyday on Reddit and the like with people asking questions like "How do I make friends?" and "How do I get involved in a community?". We're an incredibly lonely society.
- brutusborn 5y agoCan you please list some of the books that have helped you the most?
- tppiotrowski 5y agoHow to Win Friends and Influence People is a classic
- rednerrus 5y ago"What Happened To You" by Oprah and Bruce Perry https://www.amazon.com/What-Happened-You-Conversations-Resilience https://www.amazon.com/What-Happened-You-Conversations-Resil...: This helped me to wrap my head around concepts I've been working on for a long time. How what happened to you affects what you're doing now. It also has advice about how to "fix" some of it with small, controllable doses of discomfort. "What Makes Love Last" By John Gottman https://www.amazon.com/What-Makes-Love-Last-audiobook/dp/B0095PES54/ https://www.amazon.com/What-Makes-Love-Last-audiobook/dp/B00...: The underlying premise of this book is that love, friendship etc., are based on trust. It relates some of it to game theory in a way that really clicked with me. "Becoming The Kind Father" by Calvin Sandborn https://www.amazon.com/Becoming-Kind-Father-Sons-Journey/dp/B00KQ207HI/ https://www.amazon.com/Becoming-Kind-Father-Sons-Journey/dp/...: This really helped me connect with my internal voice and taught me that it's ok to create a group of people you can communicate your upset feelings with and how to manage that. There were a bunch of books that I read to understand how important physicality is to all of this. I can't think of one particular one to call out. You need to sleep enough, eat well, get some movement, and get some meditation. There are some other physical things that are helpful. I see a somatic therapist and we do therapy while she works on my body. Of all of the therapy I've ever done, it's the best. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BFqotaIc3Dw https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BFqotaIc3Dw this before bedtime has been a game changer.