4 ms·

Burnout happens to many. What's curious is how young you are, and there's nothing in your post to point to the reason. Do you know the reason?

adepressedthrow 5y ago
I can only speculate as to the reason. I think largely it's genetic, as my father has sleep issues (though his are not mental; he has sleep apnea, which I have been negatively tested for multiple times) and severe depression. However, his depression was triggered by a particular event, and I haven't experienced anything similar. I think besides my sleep problems and potential genetic predisposition, my way of thinking tends to have a higher incidence of mental illness. I am very logical and driven, and I'm a perfectionist. I walk into a situation and if people aren't being led by a strong leader, I become that leader. I care way too much about quality and work too hard on teaching others to meet my quality standards. I actively recognize that these things are holding me back (in as much as they've also made me successful), but I don't know how/have the will to change them. My depression began before I properly entered the workforce, and has just been worsening from there. I left my last FAANG position because I was running waaaaay too much and was the single point of failure; I had hoped that it was just that environment that was killing me. Now that I'm at a position I like much more, I'm still experiencing the same mental issues, however, and they've worsened...
- combatentropy 5y ago
  Thanks for sharing. Well, first of all, I would echo some of the advice of others here. A sabbatical can salve burn-out, though you rightly sense that as soon as you go back to work, the feelings will foam up again --- unless you address the source. It's probably good that you do _something_ besides sit around at home. Preferably it would be something to get you out of the house and around other people. It could be volunteering, something very unlike your day job, maybe something to get your blood flowing. For example, it might be counterproductive to choose on a hobby programming project to do in your room. Hammering houses together for the homeless, and then going to lunch with the other volunteers, sounds better. But it could be anything. Maybe your spouse could help you brainstorm a hundred things before you try some. But that won't cure you either. You say you are a perfectionist. I find that admirable and can sympathize with it, but there are few surer roads to disappointment than looking for perfection in others, or even yourself! It's possible your feelings are partly genetic. It could also come from your dad. Even if what caused his depression did not reach you directly, moods and attitudes can be contagious. Furthermore, a great part of your feelings may be arising from your own thoughts. I have found that practically all of my feelings can be traced to some thought. It was tricky at first, because often there is a delayed reaction, or the thoughts are so fast that they fly under the radar. You might try reading a book by Chris Thurman called The Lies We Believe. I went to seem him in Austin, and I think he is a top-notch psychologist. His writing is very easy to read and down to earth --- not the typical academic gobbledygook. It belongs to the class of counseling called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy --- which is just a fancy name for what I just said, that feelings follow thoughts. Later you might seek out a trusted psychologist to meet with face to face. I found that it isn't so much that a counselor waves a magic wand or knows some esoteric theory that solves all my problems. Most of all it was him listening, in a nonjudgmental way. And most of the advice was simple. Mental problems can often be like the tangle of cords behind your TV or computer. Our first impulse, when we're in pain, is to thrash and pull on them. But that just makes the knots tighter. We need someone who can gently help us slowly untangle them, one loop at a time. It takes time.
- throwaway4233 5y ago
  I am going to make an assumption based on the information you have given in this comment and say the following, 1. You seem to be dealing daily with people issues as well as code issues and given your way of thinking and maybe your role, people issues might be the one you end up spending more time and energy on. I have been in this situation and I burnt out because I was trying to solve all issues that I interact even remotely with. It took a while for me to understand that there are issues that I can solve right now, issues I can solve by delegating, issues that take time to solve and issues that I cannot solve at all. Categorizing on this basis gave me the freedom to prioritize and solve issues without burning myself out and remain fresh for the new ones that pop up. 2. IMHO most problems leaders face are ones that require experience and not skill to solve. Given your career until now, if the issues you have to solve as a leader are not ones that you faced yourself or were a part of, you might not have the necessary context or information on how to approach them. You will get to a right solution eventually but it will take time and mistakes might happen. And you would be solving not just one but many issues at the same time which makes it even harder. 3. Writing down what you do on a daily basis helps. Something similar to a diary where you could always go back to see what was the cause of you having a bad day and avoiding/solving it early the next time. I would suggest taking a break first, and then deciding if you want to join back at the same role you are right now or at a lower role with less responsibilities so that you can find time to change your way of thinking or even tone down the things that you feel are holding you back.

adepressedthrow 5y ago

I can only speculate as to the reason. I think largely it's genetic, as my father has sleep issues (though his are not mental; he has sleep apnea, which I have been negatively tested for multiple times) and severe depression. However, his depression was triggered by a particular event, and I haven't experienced anything similar. I think besides my sleep problems and potential genetic predisposition, my way of thinking tends to have a higher incidence of mental illness. I am very logical and driven, and I'm a perfectionist. I walk into a situation and if people aren't being led by a strong leader, I become that leader. I care way too much about quality and work too hard on teaching others to meet my quality standards. I actively recognize that these things are holding me back (in as much as they've also made me successful), but I don't know how/have the will to change them. My depression began before I properly entered the workforce, and has just been worsening from there. I left my last FAANG position because I was running waaaaay too much and was the single point of failure; I had hoped that it was just that environment that was killing me. Now that I'm at a position I like much more, I'm still experiencing the same mental issues, however, and they've worsened...

combatentropy 5y ago
Thanks for sharing. Well, first of all, I would echo some of the advice of others here. A sabbatical can salve burn-out, though you rightly sense that as soon as you go back to work, the feelings will foam up again --- unless you address the source. It's probably good that you do _something_ besides sit around at home. Preferably it would be something to get you out of the house and around other people. It could be volunteering, something very unlike your day job, maybe something to get your blood flowing. For example, it might be counterproductive to choose on a hobby programming project to do in your room. Hammering houses together for the homeless, and then going to lunch with the other volunteers, sounds better. But it could be anything. Maybe your spouse could help you brainstorm a hundred things before you try some. But that won't cure you either. You say you are a perfectionist. I find that admirable and can sympathize with it, but there are few surer roads to disappointment than looking for perfection in others, or even yourself! It's possible your feelings are partly genetic. It could also come from your dad. Even if what caused his depression did not reach you directly, moods and attitudes can be contagious. Furthermore, a great part of your feelings may be arising from your own thoughts. I have found that practically all of my feelings can be traced to some thought. It was tricky at first, because often there is a delayed reaction, or the thoughts are so fast that they fly under the radar. You might try reading a book by Chris Thurman called The Lies We Believe. I went to seem him in Austin, and I think he is a top-notch psychologist. His writing is very easy to read and down to earth --- not the typical academic gobbledygook. It belongs to the class of counseling called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy --- which is just a fancy name for what I just said, that feelings follow thoughts. Later you might seek out a trusted psychologist to meet with face to face. I found that it isn't so much that a counselor waves a magic wand or knows some esoteric theory that solves all my problems. Most of all it was him listening, in a nonjudgmental way. And most of the advice was simple. Mental problems can often be like the tangle of cords behind your TV or computer. Our first impulse, when we're in pain, is to thrash and pull on them. But that just makes the knots tighter. We need someone who can gently help us slowly untangle them, one loop at a time. It takes time.
throwaway4233 5y ago
I am going to make an assumption based on the information you have given in this comment and say the following, 1. You seem to be dealing daily with people issues as well as code issues and given your way of thinking and maybe your role, people issues might be the one you end up spending more time and energy on. I have been in this situation and I burnt out because I was trying to solve all issues that I interact even remotely with. It took a while for me to understand that there are issues that I can solve right now, issues I can solve by delegating, issues that take time to solve and issues that I cannot solve at all. Categorizing on this basis gave me the freedom to prioritize and solve issues without burning myself out and remain fresh for the new ones that pop up. 2. IMHO most problems leaders face are ones that require experience and not skill to solve. Given your career until now, if the issues you have to solve as a leader are not ones that you faced yourself or were a part of, you might not have the necessary context or information on how to approach them. You will get to a right solution eventually but it will take time and mistakes might happen. And you would be solving not just one but many issues at the same time which makes it even harder. 3. Writing down what you do on a daily basis helps. Something similar to a diary where you could always go back to see what was the cause of you having a bad day and avoiding/solving it early the next time. I would suggest taking a break first, and then deciding if you want to join back at the same role you are right now or at a lower role with less responsibilities so that you can find time to change your way of thinking or even tone down the things that you feel are holding you back.