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I had very little interest in kids or family for most of my life. I didn’t care much for my own family growing up, so I figured why bother? Better to just be si

I had very little interest in kids or family for most of my life. I didn’t care much for my own family growing up, so I figured why bother? Better to just be single and focus on my own life. Post-30 I’ve done an about-face and realized that I do want a family. It’s come from a shift in attitude. Whereas before I thought avoiding unpleasant things was a solution, I now realize that doing things correctly is a better one.

pjerem 5y ago
Please, never ever do kids if you barely think it’s an unpleasant thing. Don’t break under the social pressure of what is correct and what is not. Don’t get me wrong : I have a kid and it’s the most beautiful thing that happened to me. I never ever had any regret. But o boy I think it must be hard to have kids if you did not want them. What regularly break my heart is hearing parents yelling at their kids for mostly nothing, only because of the stress. However, if you are ok with the idea to have this little alive thing be more important than yourself, go for it, it’s full happiness from day one and it rapidly goes from exhausting to a lot of fun. My 4yo make me laugh every single day.
- ceilingcorner 5y ago
  I didn’t mean to imply that kids were an unpleasant thing. My mistake with the word choice. Just that it wasn’t something that particularly interested me, but since passing 30, I’ve gradually come to really become excited about the prospect. Definitely nothing to do with social pressure.
  - ALittleLight 5y ago
    I think your original framing was pretty insightful. There are unpleasant parts about having kids. That could be banal stuff, like a baby crying when you're tired or getting annoyed by kids movies or songs. It could be more significant stuff. There's a vulnerability that comes from having something so precious exposed to the world. Imagine laying in bed at 3 am contemplating the unsettlingly non-zero chance your baby could just die for no reason. Unpleasant is underselling it. It's a sign of immaturity to avoid unpleasant but worthwhile things. Like a child who doesn't want to brush his teeth or eat vegetables. Conversely, it's a sign of maturity to be willing to be willing to overcome obstacles, even unpleasant ones, and make sacrifices, to do things that are worthwhile.

pjerem 5y ago

Please, never ever do kids if you barely think it’s an unpleasant thing. Don’t break under the social pressure of what is correct and what is not. Don’t get me wrong : I have a kid and it’s the most beautiful thing that happened to me. I never ever had any regret. But o boy I think it must be hard to have kids if you did not want them. What regularly break my heart is hearing parents yelling at their kids for mostly nothing, only because of the stress. However, if you are ok with the idea to have this little alive thing be more important than yourself, go for it, it’s full happiness from day one and it rapidly goes from exhausting to a lot of fun. My 4yo make me laugh every single day.

ceilingcorner 5y ago
I didn’t mean to imply that kids were an unpleasant thing. My mistake with the word choice. Just that it wasn’t something that particularly interested me, but since passing 30, I’ve gradually come to really become excited about the prospect. Definitely nothing to do with social pressure.
- ALittleLight 5y ago
  I think your original framing was pretty insightful. There are unpleasant parts about having kids. That could be banal stuff, like a baby crying when you're tired or getting annoyed by kids movies or songs. It could be more significant stuff. There's a vulnerability that comes from having something so precious exposed to the world. Imagine laying in bed at 3 am contemplating the unsettlingly non-zero chance your baby could just die for no reason. Unpleasant is underselling it. It's a sign of immaturity to avoid unpleasant but worthwhile things. Like a child who doesn't want to brush his teeth or eat vegetables. Conversely, it's a sign of maturity to be willing to be willing to overcome obstacles, even unpleasant ones, and make sacrifices, to do things that are worthwhile.