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Some Days I Can’t Do Life – When everyday life becomes a struggle (2020)

82 points by notoriousarun 5y ago

me_me_me 5y ago
I have caught myself riding the snooze - alarm clock pattern. Its my favourite part of the day, the 'waking up in warm bed' time. When I am just barely conscious and its feels good to be in warm bed - it feel blissful. When I wake up in the morning I will hit 10min snooze, just enough to fall asleep and wake up. Just to get more of that feeling - because I know thats the only time I will get it. I am doing it for an hour on weekdays and often for hours on the weekends. I just can't force myself out of bed, out of that state where it doesn't feel bad. I talked to people who are going through the same. Some skip work to stay in bed because they cant do it anymore. I did it few times too, and I am terrified I might slip into that state of apathy. That fear is the only thing that keeps me going, I can only hope this fear will stay. I dont have any wisdom or advice for anyone going through this, I just wanted to vent my thoughts and say that you are not alone in this, stay strong.
- jw1224 5y ago
  You will probably receive advice like "move the alarm clock to the other side of the room!". This kind of advice is well-meaning, but entirely misses the point. To quote the article: > "Escaping the depression requires doing things I'm too depressed to do." Good luck.
  - me_me_me 5y ago
    >> "Escaping the depression requires doing things I'm too depressed to do." Yes that is definitely true. Thing that shook me a bit to get a better grip on reality and fight my depression was a line fro Bojack the horseman. >> Don't fetishise your own sadness. Its crazy how your mind works, and how depression obscures and bends the reality. But its a sickness and not a character trait, you can't let it define you. > Good luck. Thanks :)
- dnh44 5y ago
  Your comment really resonated with me. I love the feeling too and would set the alarm for even earlier just so I could snooze for longer. What I eventually realised though is that doing this really fucks with your last couple hours of sleep which would make me tired for the rest of the day. What I do now if I crave that blissful "in bed" feeling is just go to bed ridiculously early, like 12 hours before actually having to get up. What I found is that laying in bed half awake 2 or 3 hours before I have to get up is ten times better than hitting the snooze button every 10 minutes. Additionally I get out of bed actually feeling physically good now so I've got a lot more energy throughout the day. At first I would just sleep 10 to 12 hours, but after a while I'd start waking up naturally 7 to 8 hours after going to bed.
- Chris2048 5y ago
  Funnily enough, whatever I set my alarm sound to (using my smartphone, so it's some kind of chime) I grow to hate. There are certain standard alarm sounds that mildly annoy/trigger me whenever they play, just as they remind me of that..
shadowfaxRodeo 5y ago
I tried everything except for medication. I was afraid i would no longer be 'myself' or that's what other people told me — or maybe that it would make the problem more real. Anyway, I eventually took meds, and I have never felt more myself, or the person I want to be. I work, learn, socialize, live in a (relatively) clean apartment, which I leave to go outside. It took me way too long accept that depression is not all my fault, that it's a disease, and that I needed to see a real doctor. For those who suffer, or know those who suffer (that's probably everyone) I really recommend this lecture: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NOAgplgTxfc https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NOAgplgTxfc It's super interesting, it ties all the causes of depression together — childhood trauma, everyday experience, down to the neuron, and chemical reactions. It really helps externalize it.
- sergiomattei 5y ago
  ADHD makes me feel like this. There's days where I wake up and I just can't cope with anything: everything feels like a chore to power through. However, I don't like to medicate. I always feel like they tone down my personality and I'm just not energetic anymore. It's a real shame because the meds (atomoxetine, an SNRI) eliminate my anxiety. I honestly try to power through the days. I find that having solid habits and a routine is a big help for days like this. It's a lot easier to get things done on a bad day when you don't have to think about things much: just wake up, do your bed, and start your morning routine. Your post inspires me though, I might start taking the meds again. I dropped them for side effects and the aforementioned personality changes. I'm in a good place right now, but when the lows hit, it gets really annoying to constantly power through life on hard mode.
  - stevewodil 5y ago
    You can also try different meds if the ones you take have bad side effects
    - shadowfaxRodeo 5y ago
      I should have mentioned in my comment, the first meds I took did absolutely nothing, it was the second try that actually did the trick. Worth giving it another shot.
noir_lord 5y ago
As someone with an invisible illness (Chrohns) this hit way too close to home. People assume if you look fine you are fine (which is a reasonable assumption at a first pass) but there are days/weeks I feel "normal" whatever that is and days where I'm watching the clock til it's "I can reasonably go to bed now" time.
- kayodelycaon 5y ago
  I’m bipolar and I feel like this all the time. Coworkers asking how my vacation was just pisses me off. I can’t tell them why without risking all kinds of problems. I haven’t had a vacation or break from anything since I started my job. All my PTO has been burned on medical problems. And now I’m looking at having to disclose I’m bipolar to get unpaid medical leave. Right after a three day weekend. At least my manager has my back here.
  - throwaway210222 5y ago
    > Coworkers asking how my vacation was just pisses me off. I suggest your mental issues are way, way more severe than your current diagnosis.
    - kayodelycaon 5y ago
      When society treats me like a problem to me optimized away… when people don’t believe my problems are real… when people think I’m using them as an excuse to be lazy and selfish… It’s really hard not get angry sometimes.
      - me_me_me 5y ago
        Some people still think homosexuality is a 'sickness' that can be 'cured'. Depression can be cured by smiling and being happy... etc etc... Please try not to think about their opinions. Its the union of village idiots that united via internet and think they must be right because there is 'a lot' of them. But they are village idiots, don't listen to their delusions.
mlang23 5y ago
"To keep reading this story, get the free app or log in." Stuff like this should be banned from HN. Reading this as a person with disability leave a bad taste in my mouth. I wonder what people like this would do if faced with a real lifelong challenge?
- thrthrthrow 5y ago
  >>Stuff like this should be banned from HN. Agreed. Any sites with this kind of silly dark patterns need to be omitted or should be posted with a warning. Anyways. Here is an archive link so you can finish reading this article. https://archive.is/Bmlg6 https://archive.is/Bmlg6
- c0ldf1ng3r 5y ago
  >>Reading this as a person with disability leave a bad taste in my mouth. I wonder what people like this would do if faced with a real lifelong challenge? I "understand" your point, but you know, as a person who is dealing with depression my whole life i can tell you that depression can be a hard, real, lifelong challange too. Disability is one of the hardest things to deal with in my opinion, but i learned that it is better to not assume anything about other people struggles. Something that looks small for you may seem unbearable and hard for others and vice versa.
  - mlang23 5y ago
    I hear what you are saying. However, I cant get rid of the feeling that this attitude of "everyones pain is important" actually leads to people falling in love with their various pains, instead of actually trying to fight them. Regarding depression. I had a phase of depression for several years, in addition to my disability. This gave me yet more incentive to fight the depression, because you know, being depressed and fucking blind isn't really a state you want to stay in. I realize everyone has their own story, and things feel differently to different people. But I cant get rid of the feeling that we are breeding unhappy people because we promise them support an every level, no matter what their story might be. IOW, I am not convinced that this new type of social pampering is actually healthy to the individual.
- 5y ago
nl 5y ago
> Escaping the depression requires doing things I’m too depressed to do. This is the hidden danger that people who haven't experienced depression don't seem to understand.
- slothtrop 5y ago
  Part of what's at work here is a cognitive distortion, something we tell ourselves - it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Not every non-medical intervention requires a metric ton of willpower to implement. Being medicated in itself requires dragging your ass out of bed to see a professional, get a proper diagnosis and prescription, actions that in other contexts are rationalized as something "too depressed to do". People are more motivated to get medication because they see a clearer, faster path to results and the alternatives do not appear so decisive and clear.
MobileVet 5y ago
Depression is a sinister downward spiral that becomes self fulfilling and all consuming. As said in the piece... > Escaping the depression requires doing things I’m too depressed to do. So please, if you see yourself at the top of this abyss, reach out right away for help before that too seems like too much. You are valuable You are loved You are worthy of care Like eating an elephant, one tiny bite at a time, take a small step and celebrate it. That might be as small as sitting up or getting off the couch. Your brain doesn’t want to celebrate it, but you can. I have been on the support end and also struggled a bit with mild depression for the better part of 20 years. There are people who understand... find them and hold them close. Hopefully you have a healthy relationship with your parents or a very close friend / partner. Lean into that and let them love you. It may require they physically get you to a doctor and that is a good thing. One more small step to celebrate.
system16 5y ago
I'm not saying it's the same for everyone, but I realized over the years one of the biggest reasons for my own depression was boredom and a lack of change. I found the 'cure' for me was to reduce the amount of possessions I own to the bare minimum, and to travel (or even move) to a new city/country. (Obviously not as feasible these days, which will hopefully soon change...) I find going to a new place and being stimulated by new surroundings, culture, food, learning how to get around, etc. always energizes me and makes me excited. Maybe it's just distracting myself so I don't focus on my own mortality, but isn't that what most of life is anyway?
- DrAwdeOccarim 5y ago
  I feel a similar positivity/jolt of energy when undertaking a new, difficult task (like moving to a new city). I assume you re young and don't have children. Have you thought about how to manage your "medical" treatment when/if you have people who rely on you?
  - system16 5y ago
    I'm old(er) and don't plan on having children.
    - DrAwdeOccarim 5y ago
      Ah, fair. Then I can see how you manage it! : )
- the_only_law 5y ago
  Unfortunately, for me this boredom returns way to quickly. It seems I have a couple of years at most before I return to my old ways.
- Chris2048 5y ago
  I found a lot of items I possessed represented things "todo", and if I didn't actually use/do them, represented undone things. Having a reckoning - will I actually use, or get rid of this item, was the trick. You can always re-buy utility items. The hard things are the sentimental stuff. Incidentally, I have/had exactly the same issue will code/files on my computer - a lifetime of downloaded files, and bookmarks, for thing's I might never re-visit. Here's a good metric for value: "If I had a baby right now, would I still give a shit about this?". It sorts the trivial from the truly valuable well enough, without having to question the meaning of life (the question "If I where dying would I give a shite" is too strong/abstract a proposition for the same purpose)
febeling 5y ago
I believe one of the best keywords for starting to address the modern epidemic of depression, inability to build relationships, excessive focus on materialist goals, and other problems is developmental trauma. The cause for this trauma is unmet needs in the formative years of the nervous system until about 5 years. Key among them are needs for autonomy and connection. Those are in natural conflict, and have to be balanced. When those aren't met, survival strategies are developed that undermine us when we are grown up. As a result excessive focus on independence or, the other extreme, over-adaption to others make relationships hard to attain or maintain, and feelings of hopelessness ensue. Good starting point for reading is the book: Heller, Laurence, Aline LaPierre: Healing Developmental Trauma. How Early Trauma Affects Self-Regulation, Self-Image, and the Capacity for Relationship, 2012
exdsq 5y ago
Just want to say I love the fact you're all having this open discussion without hiding behind a throwaway account. It makes me believe the subject is becoming less taboo. Let's keep that going:)
nxc18 5y ago
Sometimes I wonder if a lot of depression and anxiety in western society (I say western because I don’t know enough about others) is due to life just being too comfortable. Almost all direct threats (animals, attacks, wars, etc) have been eliminated and if you don’t live in a high crime area, you probably don’t even have a good reason to lock your doors. If you don’t have anything to survive and you don’t really have anything to worry about, more trivial things take on more importance. I was attacked/chased by a mentally ill person trying to run me down earlier this year. It was the first time in my life getting a full dose of ‘fight or flight’. In the moment it was obviously unpleasant, but I found it was powerful in contextualizing things and bringing perspective. Having my complete sense of safety removed reminded me of how lucky I am to have that 99.999% of the time. It also made me recognize my own capabilities; I was very impressed with my ability to evade danger and survive a dangerous encounter I was completely unprepared for. I’ve never done sport or anything like that so I kind of thought I would be useless if ever attacked, but it turns out I can run and use obstacles in my environment pretty well. Life is still a struggle between chaos/danger and structure/safety, but the modern world is so well-run that most people don’t really experience that; any one person can drop the ball/give up and it doesn’t matter, which I suspect makes it harder for people to find meaning. Fortunately, we have many tools at our disposal to get a simulation of fight-or-flight in our daily lives without actually enduring physical assault. I really like horror films and some Googling suggests others find it helpful as well. I also find music is a good tool for regulating emotional state.
- johnchristopher 5y ago
  I encourage you to read more about depression and how to support depressed people. It'll give you a better insight into how depression operates than a single event you experienced. > It also made me recognize my own capabilities; I was very impressed with my ability to evade danger and survive a dangerous encounter I was completely unprepared for. I’ve never done sport or anything like that so I kind of thought I would be useless if ever attacked, but it turns out I can run and use obstacles in my environment pretty well. Unfortunately these kind of events don't compare well with bouts of depression. They really are not the same thing. Sometimes depression and/or anxiety is like having a hundred of events like that a day and not time to get back up. With that being said. > Sometimes I wonder if a lot of depression and anxiety in western society (I say western because I don’t know enough about others) is due to life just being too comfortable. This a confusion between immediate physical dangers (disease, aggression, security in your home) and the stress of our current way of life (competition for work and at work essentially, culture with a heavy accent on individuality, etc.). Another approach could be: why is there so much depression and anxiety in spite of the comfort level of western society. (maybe western society isn't that comfortable ? or we should work on the definition of comfortable ?).
justinko 5y ago
Antidepressants are just fine after you have tried everything to resolve the depression naturally. Diet, exercise, relationships, career, etc. Most often this will work. Eventually you may need a heavier hammer. Antidepressants can do the job but they are not meant to be used for long term use. The reason is side effects, long term withdrawal/dependency, and the eventual “poop out”. One year should be the cut off. Fluoxetine, for example, induces neurogenesis. This is the method of action that cures depression. Exercise can do the same thing, which is why you’ll see studies of “cardio is just as effective as antidepressants”. Psilocybin as well. Chronic stress will reduce your neurogenesis. There are many, many ways in this modern world to experience it. The stigma of antidepressants needs to end. They can be very useful tools under the right circumstances. Another thing you have to watch out for is mental illness, such as bipolar, that is not treatable with antidepressants (they can induce mania) nor any holistic method. Mood stabilizers and possibly an “antipsychotic” will be required. I’m bipolar and Lamotrigine has improved my world that no lifestyle change ever could. It’s been nothing short of a miracle drug for me.
- MobileVet 5y ago
  Thanks for sharing your struggles and laying out some of the ‘action’ pathways. Also really appreciated your follow up with the caveat for antidepressant use with bipolar. Many people don’t know this and hiding it from your family can literally be life threatening. Regarding psilocybin, I have seen lots of cautions regarding use by bipolar folks. Most of the studies specifically avoid including bipolar so far. Clearly an n=1, but have you had success with it (if you feel comfortable sharing)?
  - justinko 5y ago
    What substances a bipolar person can consume will vary by the individual. Some can use alcohol moderately, others must completely abstain. Bipolar is a progressive illness. I have taken psychedelics a handful of times and experienced the purported benefits that last a lifetime. Other times I have experienced extreme paranoia. I guess it depends on what state I’m in (mania, depression, mixed, stable). I used amphetamines and THC for many years to self medicate before being diagnosed. Self medication is extremely common for bipolar folks, especially alcohol. It only makes things worse. I’m still figuring out what I can and cannot consume, along with dosage. Since being on a mood stabilizer, I absolutely cannot consume any amount of THC, as it will induce mania. Alcohol will make me incredibly depressed the next day. Medication is new to me this year.
Arete314159 5y ago
I wrote/drew some things about this a while ago. In my case, a big contributor to multi-decade mental health issues was an undiagnosed B-12 deficiency. SSRI's can be a godsend for many folks, but with their advent, the previous medical knowledge about other physical causes of depression went out the window. It's important for us to screen for and treat those, too. Here are some of my pieces on this theme: https://radiosof.com/2015/01/20/depression-comix/ https://radiosof.com/2015/01/20/depression-comix/ https://radiosof.com/category/mental-health/ https://radiosof.com/category/mental-health/
- kayodelycaon 5y ago
  This is very true. It’s important to screen for physical causes first. For example, thyroid issues can cause the same symptoms as bipolar. I was screened for that at the start of my treatment.
- sizzle 5y ago
  Will taking a multivitamin cover your bases for vitamin deficiency induced depression?
sprusemoose 5y ago
testosterone for me, Keep the shields up from my anima.
lcall 5y ago
Late to this, but to be sure: I have learned for myself that God is real, cares, life has a purpose and extends before & after this mortality, questions have answers, each person including you is of infinite worth, and you never truly have to be alone. If we learn and make good choices, things can and will be very good, better than now. Honesty and the Golden Rule are important, as is sincere prayer to God (who knows you and actually does care, and has a plan). Your worth definitely does not depend on comparisons with what seems popular. There are permanent truths one can grasp and keep, for peace & stability amid the hard times that we all can have; even joy. Some other ideas (not all are about dating) at: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=27637759 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=27637759 and my profile fwiw. All real best wishes.

82 points by notoriousarun 5y ago

I have caught myself riding the snooze - alarm clock pattern. Its my favourite part of the day, the 'waking up in warm bed' time. When I am just barely conscious and its feels good to be in warm bed - it feel blissful. When I wake up in the morning I will hit 10min snooze, just enough to fall asleep and wake up. Just to get more of that feeling - because I know thats the only time I will get it. I am doing it for an hour on weekdays and often for hours on the weekends. I just can't force myself out of bed, out of that state where it doesn't feel bad. I talked to people who are going through the same. Some skip work to stay in bed because they cant do it anymore. I did it few times too, and I am terrified I might slip into that state of apathy. That fear is the only thing that keeps me going, I can only hope this fear will stay. I dont have any wisdom or advice for anyone going through this, I just wanted to vent my thoughts and say that you are not alone in this, stay strong.

jw1224 5y ago
You will probably receive advice like "move the alarm clock to the other side of the room!". This kind of advice is well-meaning, but entirely misses the point. To quote the article: > "Escaping the depression requires doing things I'm too depressed to do." Good luck.
- me_me_me 5y ago
  >> "Escaping the depression requires doing things I'm too depressed to do." Yes that is definitely true. Thing that shook me a bit to get a better grip on reality and fight my depression was a line fro Bojack the horseman. >> Don't fetishise your own sadness. Its crazy how your mind works, and how depression obscures and bends the reality. But its a sickness and not a character trait, you can't let it define you. > Good luck. Thanks :)
dnh44 5y ago
Your comment really resonated with me. I love the feeling too and would set the alarm for even earlier just so I could snooze for longer. What I eventually realised though is that doing this really fucks with your last couple hours of sleep which would make me tired for the rest of the day. What I do now if I crave that blissful "in bed" feeling is just go to bed ridiculously early, like 12 hours before actually having to get up. What I found is that laying in bed half awake 2 or 3 hours before I have to get up is ten times better than hitting the snooze button every 10 minutes. Additionally I get out of bed actually feeling physically good now so I've got a lot more energy throughout the day. At first I would just sleep 10 to 12 hours, but after a while I'd start waking up naturally 7 to 8 hours after going to bed.
Chris2048 5y ago
Funnily enough, whatever I set my alarm sound to (using my smartphone, so it's some kind of chime) I grow to hate. There are certain standard alarm sounds that mildly annoy/trigger me whenever they play, just as they remind me of that..

shadowfaxRodeo 5y ago

I tried everything except for medication. I was afraid i would no longer be 'myself' or that's what other people told me — or maybe that it would make the problem more real. Anyway, I eventually took meds, and I have never felt more myself, or the person I want to be. I work, learn, socialize, live in a (relatively) clean apartment, which I leave to go outside. It took me way too long accept that depression is not all my fault, that it's a disease, and that I needed to see a real doctor. For those who suffer, or know those who suffer (that's probably everyone) I really recommend this lecture: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NOAgplgTxfc https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NOAgplgTxfc It's super interesting, it ties all the causes of depression together — childhood trauma, everyday experience, down to the neuron, and chemical reactions. It really helps externalize it.

sergiomattei 5y ago
ADHD makes me feel like this. There's days where I wake up and I just can't cope with anything: everything feels like a chore to power through. However, I don't like to medicate. I always feel like they tone down my personality and I'm just not energetic anymore. It's a real shame because the meds (atomoxetine, an SNRI) eliminate my anxiety. I honestly try to power through the days. I find that having solid habits and a routine is a big help for days like this. It's a lot easier to get things done on a bad day when you don't have to think about things much: just wake up, do your bed, and start your morning routine. Your post inspires me though, I might start taking the meds again. I dropped them for side effects and the aforementioned personality changes. I'm in a good place right now, but when the lows hit, it gets really annoying to constantly power through life on hard mode.
- stevewodil 5y ago
  You can also try different meds if the ones you take have bad side effects
  - shadowfaxRodeo 5y ago
    I should have mentioned in my comment, the first meds I took did absolutely nothing, it was the second try that actually did the trick. Worth giving it another shot.

noir_lord 5y ago

As someone with an invisible illness (Chrohns) this hit way too close to home. People assume if you look fine you are fine (which is a reasonable assumption at a first pass) but there are days/weeks I feel "normal" whatever that is and days where I'm watching the clock til it's "I can reasonably go to bed now" time.

kayodelycaon 5y ago
I’m bipolar and I feel like this all the time. Coworkers asking how my vacation was just pisses me off. I can’t tell them why without risking all kinds of problems. I haven’t had a vacation or break from anything since I started my job. All my PTO has been burned on medical problems. And now I’m looking at having to disclose I’m bipolar to get unpaid medical leave. Right after a three day weekend. At least my manager has my back here.
- throwaway210222 5y ago
  > Coworkers asking how my vacation was just pisses me off. I suggest your mental issues are way, way more severe than your current diagnosis.
  - kayodelycaon 5y ago
    When society treats me like a problem to me optimized away… when people don’t believe my problems are real… when people think I’m using them as an excuse to be lazy and selfish… It’s really hard not get angry sometimes.
    - me_me_me 5y ago
      Some people still think homosexuality is a 'sickness' that can be 'cured'. Depression can be cured by smiling and being happy... etc etc... Please try not to think about their opinions. Its the union of village idiots that united via internet and think they must be right because there is 'a lot' of them. But they are village idiots, don't listen to their delusions.

mlang23 5y ago

"To keep reading this story, get the free app or log in." Stuff like this should be banned from HN. Reading this as a person with disability leave a bad taste in my mouth. I wonder what people like this would do if faced with a real lifelong challenge?

thrthrthrow 5y ago
>>Stuff like this should be banned from HN. Agreed. Any sites with this kind of silly dark patterns need to be omitted or should be posted with a warning. Anyways. Here is an archive link so you can finish reading this article. https://archive.is/Bmlg6 https://archive.is/Bmlg6
c0ldf1ng3r 5y ago
>>Reading this as a person with disability leave a bad taste in my mouth. I wonder what people like this would do if faced with a real lifelong challenge? I "understand" your point, but you know, as a person who is dealing with depression my whole life i can tell you that depression can be a hard, real, lifelong challange too. Disability is one of the hardest things to deal with in my opinion, but i learned that it is better to not assume anything about other people struggles. Something that looks small for you may seem unbearable and hard for others and vice versa.
- mlang23 5y ago
  I hear what you are saying. However, I cant get rid of the feeling that this attitude of "everyones pain is important" actually leads to people falling in love with their various pains, instead of actually trying to fight them. Regarding depression. I had a phase of depression for several years, in addition to my disability. This gave me yet more incentive to fight the depression, because you know, being depressed and fucking blind isn't really a state you want to stay in. I realize everyone has their own story, and things feel differently to different people. But I cant get rid of the feeling that we are breeding unhappy people because we promise them support an every level, no matter what their story might be. IOW, I am not convinced that this new type of social pampering is actually healthy to the individual.
5y ago

nl 5y ago

> Escaping the depression requires doing things I’m too depressed to do. This is the hidden danger that people who haven't experienced depression don't seem to understand.

slothtrop 5y ago
Part of what's at work here is a cognitive distortion, something we tell ourselves - it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Not every non-medical intervention requires a metric ton of willpower to implement. Being medicated in itself requires dragging your ass out of bed to see a professional, get a proper diagnosis and prescription, actions that in other contexts are rationalized as something "too depressed to do". People are more motivated to get medication because they see a clearer, faster path to results and the alternatives do not appear so decisive and clear.

MobileVet 5y ago

Depression is a sinister downward spiral that becomes self fulfilling and all consuming. As said in the piece... > Escaping the depression requires doing things I’m too depressed to do. So please, if you see yourself at the top of this abyss, reach out right away for help before that too seems like too much. You are valuable You are loved You are worthy of care Like eating an elephant, one tiny bite at a time, take a small step and celebrate it. That might be as small as sitting up or getting off the couch. Your brain doesn’t want to celebrate it, but you can. I have been on the support end and also struggled a bit with mild depression for the better part of 20 years. There are people who understand... find them and hold them close. Hopefully you have a healthy relationship with your parents or a very close friend / partner. Lean into that and let them love you. It may require they physically get you to a doctor and that is a good thing. One more small step to celebrate.

system16 5y ago

I'm not saying it's the same for everyone, but I realized over the years one of the biggest reasons for my own depression was boredom and a lack of change. I found the 'cure' for me was to reduce the amount of possessions I own to the bare minimum, and to travel (or even move) to a new city/country. (Obviously not as feasible these days, which will hopefully soon change...) I find going to a new place and being stimulated by new surroundings, culture, food, learning how to get around, etc. always energizes me and makes me excited. Maybe it's just distracting myself so I don't focus on my own mortality, but isn't that what most of life is anyway?

DrAwdeOccarim 5y ago
I feel a similar positivity/jolt of energy when undertaking a new, difficult task (like moving to a new city). I assume you re young and don't have children. Have you thought about how to manage your "medical" treatment when/if you have people who rely on you?
- system16 5y ago
  I'm old(er) and don't plan on having children.
  - DrAwdeOccarim 5y ago
    Ah, fair. Then I can see how you manage it! : )
the_only_law 5y ago
Unfortunately, for me this boredom returns way to quickly. It seems I have a couple of years at most before I return to my old ways.
Chris2048 5y ago
I found a lot of items I possessed represented things "todo", and if I didn't actually use/do them, represented undone things. Having a reckoning - will I actually use, or get rid of this item, was the trick. You can always re-buy utility items. The hard things are the sentimental stuff. Incidentally, I have/had exactly the same issue will code/files on my computer - a lifetime of downloaded files, and bookmarks, for thing's I might never re-visit. Here's a good metric for value: "If I had a baby right now, would I still give a shit about this?". It sorts the trivial from the truly valuable well enough, without having to question the meaning of life (the question "If I where dying would I give a shite" is too strong/abstract a proposition for the same purpose)

febeling 5y ago

I believe one of the best keywords for starting to address the modern epidemic of depression, inability to build relationships, excessive focus on materialist goals, and other problems is developmental trauma. The cause for this trauma is unmet needs in the formative years of the nervous system until about 5 years. Key among them are needs for autonomy and connection. Those are in natural conflict, and have to be balanced. When those aren't met, survival strategies are developed that undermine us when we are grown up. As a result excessive focus on independence or, the other extreme, over-adaption to others make relationships hard to attain or maintain, and feelings of hopelessness ensue. Good starting point for reading is the book: Heller, Laurence, Aline LaPierre: Healing Developmental Trauma. How Early Trauma Affects Self-Regulation, Self-Image, and the Capacity for Relationship, 2012

exdsq 5y ago

Just want to say I love the fact you're all having this open discussion without hiding behind a throwaway account. It makes me believe the subject is becoming less taboo. Let's keep that going:)

nxc18 5y ago

Sometimes I wonder if a lot of depression and anxiety in western society (I say western because I don’t know enough about others) is due to life just being too comfortable. Almost all direct threats (animals, attacks, wars, etc) have been eliminated and if you don’t live in a high crime area, you probably don’t even have a good reason to lock your doors. If you don’t have anything to survive and you don’t really have anything to worry about, more trivial things take on more importance. I was attacked/chased by a mentally ill person trying to run me down earlier this year. It was the first time in my life getting a full dose of ‘fight or flight’. In the moment it was obviously unpleasant, but I found it was powerful in contextualizing things and bringing perspective. Having my complete sense of safety removed reminded me of how lucky I am to have that 99.999% of the time. It also made me recognize my own capabilities; I was very impressed with my ability to evade danger and survive a dangerous encounter I was completely unprepared for. I’ve never done sport or anything like that so I kind of thought I would be useless if ever attacked, but it turns out I can run and use obstacles in my environment pretty well. Life is still a struggle between chaos/danger and structure/safety, but the modern world is so well-run that most people don’t really experience that; any one person can drop the ball/give up and it doesn’t matter, which I suspect makes it harder for people to find meaning. Fortunately, we have many tools at our disposal to get a simulation of fight-or-flight in our daily lives without actually enduring physical assault. I really like horror films and some Googling suggests others find it helpful as well. I also find music is a good tool for regulating emotional state.

johnchristopher 5y ago
I encourage you to read more about depression and how to support depressed people. It'll give you a better insight into how depression operates than a single event you experienced. > It also made me recognize my own capabilities; I was very impressed with my ability to evade danger and survive a dangerous encounter I was completely unprepared for. I’ve never done sport or anything like that so I kind of thought I would be useless if ever attacked, but it turns out I can run and use obstacles in my environment pretty well. Unfortunately these kind of events don't compare well with bouts of depression. They really are not the same thing. Sometimes depression and/or anxiety is like having a hundred of events like that a day and not time to get back up. With that being said. > Sometimes I wonder if a lot of depression and anxiety in western society (I say western because I don’t know enough about others) is due to life just being too comfortable. This a confusion between immediate physical dangers (disease, aggression, security in your home) and the stress of our current way of life (competition for work and at work essentially, culture with a heavy accent on individuality, etc.). Another approach could be: why is there so much depression and anxiety in spite of the comfort level of western society. (maybe western society isn't that comfortable ? or we should work on the definition of comfortable ?).

justinko 5y ago

Antidepressants are just fine after you have tried everything to resolve the depression naturally. Diet, exercise, relationships, career, etc. Most often this will work. Eventually you may need a heavier hammer. Antidepressants can do the job but they are not meant to be used for long term use. The reason is side effects, long term withdrawal/dependency, and the eventual “poop out”. One year should be the cut off. Fluoxetine, for example, induces neurogenesis. This is the method of action that cures depression. Exercise can do the same thing, which is why you’ll see studies of “cardio is just as effective as antidepressants”. Psilocybin as well. Chronic stress will reduce your neurogenesis. There are many, many ways in this modern world to experience it. The stigma of antidepressants needs to end. They can be very useful tools under the right circumstances. Another thing you have to watch out for is mental illness, such as bipolar, that is not treatable with antidepressants (they can induce mania) nor any holistic method. Mood stabilizers and possibly an “antipsychotic” will be required. I’m bipolar and Lamotrigine has improved my world that no lifestyle change ever could. It’s been nothing short of a miracle drug for me.

MobileVet 5y ago
Thanks for sharing your struggles and laying out some of the ‘action’ pathways. Also really appreciated your follow up with the caveat for antidepressant use with bipolar. Many people don’t know this and hiding it from your family can literally be life threatening. Regarding psilocybin, I have seen lots of cautions regarding use by bipolar folks. Most of the studies specifically avoid including bipolar so far. Clearly an n=1, but have you had success with it (if you feel comfortable sharing)?
- justinko 5y ago
  What substances a bipolar person can consume will vary by the individual. Some can use alcohol moderately, others must completely abstain. Bipolar is a progressive illness. I have taken psychedelics a handful of times and experienced the purported benefits that last a lifetime. Other times I have experienced extreme paranoia. I guess it depends on what state I’m in (mania, depression, mixed, stable). I used amphetamines and THC for many years to self medicate before being diagnosed. Self medication is extremely common for bipolar folks, especially alcohol. It only makes things worse. I’m still figuring out what I can and cannot consume, along with dosage. Since being on a mood stabilizer, I absolutely cannot consume any amount of THC, as it will induce mania. Alcohol will make me incredibly depressed the next day. Medication is new to me this year.

Arete314159 5y ago

I wrote/drew some things about this a while ago. In my case, a big contributor to multi-decade mental health issues was an undiagnosed B-12 deficiency. SSRI's can be a godsend for many folks, but with their advent, the previous medical knowledge about other physical causes of depression went out the window. It's important for us to screen for and treat those, too. Here are some of my pieces on this theme: https://radiosof.com/2015/01/20/depression-comix/ https://radiosof.com/2015/01/20/depression-comix/ https://radiosof.com/category/mental-health/ https://radiosof.com/category/mental-health/

kayodelycaon 5y ago
This is very true. It’s important to screen for physical causes first. For example, thyroid issues can cause the same symptoms as bipolar. I was screened for that at the start of my treatment.
sizzle 5y ago
Will taking a multivitamin cover your bases for vitamin deficiency induced depression?

sprusemoose 5y ago

testosterone for me, Keep the shields up from my anima.

lcall 5y ago

Late to this, but to be sure: I have learned for myself that God is real, cares, life has a purpose and extends before & after this mortality, questions have answers, each person including you is of infinite worth, and you never truly have to be alone. If we learn and make good choices, things can and will be very good, better than now. Honesty and the Golden Rule are important, as is sincere prayer to God (who knows you and actually does care, and has a plan). Your worth definitely does not depend on comparisons with what seems popular. There are permanent truths one can grasp and keep, for peace & stability amid the hard times that we all can have; even joy. Some other ideas (not all are about dating) at: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=27637759 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=27637759 and my profile fwiw. All real best wishes.