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I think that only really applies if you're 'normal' though. I'm what you might call an incel, though it's not so much the lack of sex as it is the lack of bein

I think that only really applies if you're 'normal' though. I'm what you might call an incel, though it's not so much the lack of sex as it is the lack of being able to bond emotionally. So unlike most people I've never been able to make friends beyond superficial politeness. Combined with the fact that 'family' has no happy connections for me; growing up time 'love' meant getting hit across the face because that's how you showed that you loved family. Wasn't until it was too late that I realized that might not be the case. So friends has no meaning to me, and family has no happy meaning. I'm not good with hobbies; they just don't seem interesting to me. So I'd say it's not misguided. Perhaps not applicable to you but to some of us, it's all we will ever have.

alexpetralia 5y ago
I genuinely don't mean this in a dismissive way, but have you considered therapy? I do wonder if you may have prematurely foreclosed upon future possibilities ("it's all we will ever have") based on your current perspective; perhaps an effective therapist could help reframe some of your thoughts here. If you find a good one, I think this is absolutely possible.
- 9530jh9054ven 5y ago
  A few times in the past, but the net result was usually little else other then anti depressant prescriptions. I kind of got the impression that they weren't interested beyond peddling whatever RX that they happened to find interesting, but my social skills are limited to saw the least. Granted the last time tried was over 10 years ago but, but experience hasn't shown a a good track record in finding a 'good' therapist. Even then I'm not sure what it is the end result. I'm already a dangerously elevated risk of attacking an intimate partner, based on statistics. Maybe friends but I honestly don't know what being a friend is supposed to be like so... yeah.
  - dmje 5y ago
    Hey, I would echo @alexpetralia here - seeking some support might be really positive. It definitely takes some time and maybe a few tries to find the right person you can talk to, but I'd recommend persevering. I have had some very positive moments in therapy which have changed my outlook completely; and then meditation / mindfulness down the line. This sounds trite, and it isn't supposed to - but don't give up on this stuff, you have it in you, you just need to find it.
KronisLV 5y ago
And yet, focusing on one facet of life for most of your personal fulfillment isn't entirely healthy, be it work, a significant other, a social clique that gives you your identity or anything else. Although i am also pretty introverted and it has definitely affected my social life so far, i also try to make an effort to explore a variety of the things life can offer me and i'd urge most people to do the same, even if it means exiting your comfort zone for a bit. None of those necessarily need to be persistent hobbies, but i'd argue that it can also be a good way to find one that you like. In the past month, i've: - learnt Ruby on Rails for my personal homepage, outside of work; while this is still a technical pursuit, learning new technologies is pretty useful, to expand one's knowledge - been listening to some episodes of the Complete Developer Podcast, just to hear others' experiences both in the industry and outside of it: https://completedeveloperpodcast.com/ - have practiced doing some 3D modelling and animation, since i'd like to either make video games at some point, or at least continue making interactive visualizations outside of work - been blogging about some tech related topics, as well as writing fiction in private, to improve my skills in that regard - decided to drop a bit of weight, so i've been tracking how many calories i eat and have kept exercising daily; while i can't say i've enjoyed the actual process, the health benefits are not to be underestimated - have done a bit of DIY stuff outside, as well as just chores around the farm (like mowing the grass with a tractor and then promptly fixing it, once the belts came off) - have smoked some meat outside, which also meant a healthy bit of chopping wood for it, seeing as we have a wood burning smokehouse - have practiced some 3D printing stuff; i guess this could be a hobby, but in my case i made a VESA mount for my monitors out of PVC and some PLA, as well as monitor support stands - have been reading some books, like the Red Rising series by Pierce Brown and will read the Neuromancer books by William Gibson next - have also played the occasional video game (most recently Elite: Dangerous) for a bit of nice escapism - have set up a Wi-Fi repeater in the home out of an old router with WDS That said, i haven't been awfully successful at most of those things, and that's okay. For example, will i ever be as good at applying maths to something like generating planets (for the aforementioned games/visualizations) like Sebastian Lague ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lctXaT9pxA0 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lctXaT9pxA0 )? Probably not! but that doesn't mean that i shouldn't try exploring what i can and cannot do! Not even trying to do that makes me feel like perhaps you're somewhat depressed, which i've gone through in my life as well. That would probably be the first thing to address, if you can. Of course, my apologies if i'm assuming too much, since i'm really not sure about your particular circumstances. Regardless, best of luck!

alexpetralia 5y ago

I genuinely don't mean this in a dismissive way, but have you considered therapy? I do wonder if you may have prematurely foreclosed upon future possibilities ("it's all we will ever have") based on your current perspective; perhaps an effective therapist could help reframe some of your thoughts here. If you find a good one, I think this is absolutely possible.

9530jh9054ven 5y ago
A few times in the past, but the net result was usually little else other then anti depressant prescriptions. I kind of got the impression that they weren't interested beyond peddling whatever RX that they happened to find interesting, but my social skills are limited to saw the least. Granted the last time tried was over 10 years ago but, but experience hasn't shown a a good track record in finding a 'good' therapist. Even then I'm not sure what it is the end result. I'm already a dangerously elevated risk of attacking an intimate partner, based on statistics. Maybe friends but I honestly don't know what being a friend is supposed to be like so... yeah.
- dmje 5y ago
  Hey, I would echo @alexpetralia here - seeking some support might be really positive. It definitely takes some time and maybe a few tries to find the right person you can talk to, but I'd recommend persevering. I have had some very positive moments in therapy which have changed my outlook completely; and then meditation / mindfulness down the line. This sounds trite, and it isn't supposed to - but don't give up on this stuff, you have it in you, you just need to find it.

KronisLV 5y ago

And yet, focusing on one facet of life for most of your personal fulfillment isn't entirely healthy, be it work, a significant other, a social clique that gives you your identity or anything else. Although i am also pretty introverted and it has definitely affected my social life so far, i also try to make an effort to explore a variety of the things life can offer me and i'd urge most people to do the same, even if it means exiting your comfort zone for a bit. None of those necessarily need to be persistent hobbies, but i'd argue that it can also be a good way to find one that you like. In the past month, i've: - learnt Ruby on Rails for my personal homepage, outside of work; while this is still a technical pursuit, learning new technologies is pretty useful, to expand one's knowledge - been listening to some episodes of the Complete Developer Podcast, just to hear others' experiences both in the industry and outside of it: https://completedeveloperpodcast.com/ - have practiced doing some 3D modelling and animation, since i'd like to either make video games at some point, or at least continue making interactive visualizations outside of work - been blogging about some tech related topics, as well as writing fiction in private, to improve my skills in that regard - decided to drop a bit of weight, so i've been tracking how many calories i eat and have kept exercising daily; while i can't say i've enjoyed the actual process, the health benefits are not to be underestimated - have done a bit of DIY stuff outside, as well as just chores around the farm (like mowing the grass with a tractor and then promptly fixing it, once the belts came off) - have smoked some meat outside, which also meant a healthy bit of chopping wood for it, seeing as we have a wood burning smokehouse - have practiced some 3D printing stuff; i guess this could be a hobby, but in my case i made a VESA mount for my monitors out of PVC and some PLA, as well as monitor support stands - have been reading some books, like the Red Rising series by Pierce Brown and will read the Neuromancer books by William Gibson next - have also played the occasional video game (most recently Elite: Dangerous) for a bit of nice escapism - have set up a Wi-Fi repeater in the home out of an old router with WDS That said, i haven't been awfully successful at most of those things, and that's okay. For example, will i ever be as good at applying maths to something like generating planets (for the aforementioned games/visualizations) like Sebastian Lague ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lctXaT9pxA0 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lctXaT9pxA0 )? Probably not! but that doesn't mean that i shouldn't try exploring what i can and cannot do! Not even trying to do that makes me feel like perhaps you're somewhat depressed, which i've gone through in my life as well. That would probably be the first thing to address, if you can. Of course, my apologies if i'm assuming too much, since i'm really not sure about your particular circumstances. Regardless, best of luck!