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Tell HN: Long Term Suicide Planning

I took major steps towards completing suicide back in 2018 and have held on since then. Things have deteriorated since then. Afraid to go but it's time. I pray for forgiveness. If I'm crazy, I want to die. If I'm not delusional, then humans are truly shit (e.g. reddit [reddit is a ycombinator alum 2005/2006] stalking in 2009 and dozens of incidents since) and I want to die. Fuck you, reddit scumbags and your Putin worship from long ago. Creepy ass scumbag fucks with data and algos. Good riddance. Get me off this ape planet. Au revoir.

slosh 5y ago
I don't want you to do that.
LatteLazy 5y ago
I think you should stay off reddit (it helped my mood). I hope you get some help, but I'm not doing great either so I think I understand. All the best mate :)
- deleted 5y ago
  [deleted]
frnkng 5y ago
I know: it hurts, to see and feel all that. It really hurts. All the time. BUT: It is pointless to go. Who shall prevent all the madness from happening when all sane people are gone? The world needs those people who go against wrong doers of all kinds.
- deleted 5y ago
  [deleted]
rvz 5y ago
Maybe you should close all your accounts on all social media and stay away from social media for a while. Social media sites like Reddit, and Twitter are designed to cause outrage.
- deleted 5y ago
  [deleted]
readflaggedcomm 5y ago
Those are some inflammatory accusations.
- sensorsbroken 5y ago
  Indeed they are, indeed they are. Yet, true.
  - sensorsbroken 5y ago
    four reddit incidents total #1 2009 #2 2014 #3 2014 #4 2018 #4 was a celebration of sorts
    - readflaggedcomm 5y ago
      I'd be interested in reading about this some place where you won't be silenced. I'm amazed you can post so many comments without being throttled, like I am. Don't let these scummy sites destroy you.
- sensorsbroken 5y ago
  lots of people have been targeted and stalked using reddit. is is really inflammatory? as for putin worship, anyone who used the site back then remembers how fond reddit users were of him.
  - readflaggedcomm 5y ago
    But all those people are banned and shadow-banned now.
  - morpheos137 5y ago
    Putin seems to be a great leader for many Russians. Assuming you are not Russian why do you take people liking Putin as a personal effront. Such is delusion. Even if you are a Russian isn't there far more to life than who your president is? Get a grip. Your thinking is disordered. It is a sickness to be so pre-occupied to the point of suicidal despair with the status of a politician on an internet message board. What's more is in my experience having spent a lot of time on Reddit in 2018 and 2019 the vast majority of users in mainline subs were virulently anti Putin despite not even living in Russia. Seek help whoever you are. Suicide is not the answer to thought disorder (these are text book paranoid schizophrenia symptoms btw).
mikebos 5y ago
Please talk to a real person. For America: 1-800-273-8255 For The Netherlands: 0800-0113 If you're in another country there is most likely a local equivalent. Please talk to someone!
morpheos137 5y ago
Terminal TDS? Delusion is strong with this one but he gets one thing right: Reddit is a pile of radioactive bullshit. That said there is far more to life than an internet message board. Please get immediate emergency psychiatric help. Good luck otherwise thanks for cleaning the genepool.
- sensorsbroken 5y ago
  You going to kill my three children off to "clean the genepool"? Watch your mouth, next time. The way you spoke to a person looking over the ledge of suicide is despicable and malicious, and someone ought to teach you a lesson.
  - morpheos137 5y ago
    I am not responsible for your mental illness. I don't know you. You don't know me. The only connection between us is some text I wrote on the internet that orginated in my brain entered your brain. You don't need to let it influence you so much unless you can not help it due to a mental disability like paranoid schizophrenia. If you are mentally sick you should go to the doctor. What the hell do you have to lose? You are contemplating losing everything anyway.
    - sensorsbroken 5y ago
      Stop changing the subject. You said something about doing the gene pool a favor by finishing suicide. So, what about my three children? Also, you're making this decision process easier for me. Your comments seem to be a low key effort to nudge me to suicide. You're responsible for your comments. You keep bringing up the Putin worship thing in a fallacious context, you doubt my claim about being molested, and told me I'd do the gene pool a favor by committing suicide. You're acting in a highly malicious manner towards me, stranger.
    - sensorsbroken 5y ago
      Hi asshole, you're still engaging in an armchair diagosis. Answer my question, boy. Someone ought to shut your mouth.
sensorsbroken 5y ago
The user morpheos137 has reminded me of why I want off of this malicious scumbag ape planet. Good riddance. I haven't eaten in two days and ran out of drinking water today.
- morpheos137 5y ago
  Stop letting other people control your life.
  - sensorsbroken 5y ago
    Bro, you need to do some serious re-evaluation. You just told me that I'd be doing the gene pool a favor by offing myself. My self worth is non existent and I'm suicidal and on edge. You're malicious, insensitive, and you deny my report about being a sexual assault victim, even going as far as to conflate that with your amateur perception of a serious mental illness. Do you have any idea what that's like trying to come forward about a serious sexual assault incident and being told that I might be imagining it? I'll tell you. It causes suicide, you lowlife troll. Go talk to military investigators on behalf of male on male sexual assault victims. You know what they do, scumbag? They choose suicide before reporting it, scumbag. It's a shameful tragedy that you will likely never know. Remember that next time before dropping your troll suicidal nudges. God damn mother fuck this ape species. dang, I'm out. So thankful to be almost gone off of this ape planet.
    - morpheos137 5y ago
      Listen carefully. (It should be easy for you to listen carefully since words on the internet affect you so much): Stop chatting online and go seek help for yourself. You say I am malicious. Ok then don't let me influence you. Seek professional help. It is up to you. Not me.
      - sensorsbroken 5y ago
        But, you said I'd be doing the gene pool a favor by committing suicide. Do you still believe that to be the case? Do you think your comments making an uninformed amateur diagnosis of a serious mental illness, telling me that I'd do the species a favor by killing myself, and denying the veracity of my sexual assault claim are in any way helpful to me, or somehow going to motivate me to "seek help"? ('seek help' is another perjorative) You seem intent on continuing to attack me with your snarky follow-up. Listen carefully. Provide follow-up comments to my comments about the male on male sexual assault incident I disclosed here.
underseacables 5y ago
I have a moral conflict with suicide. On the one hand, I think life is precious, and we should hold onto it and try to make the best of it as we can. I am agnostic, I don’t know what comes next, so I feel like I need to hang on and do the best I can here because it may be the only life I have. However, I am also very fiercely supportive of a person‘s right to self-determination. If someone is intent on ending their life, I will not stand in their way, nor should the government. Almost 40, I have a wife and children, I could never dream of leaving them and so no matter how bad things get, I’m always reminded that I have something better to live for. I cannot imagine what it’s like for someone who doesn’t have some thing or someone to live for, or something to look forward to an aspire to day after day. Nevertheless, life is what you make it, and it is your life to live or end.
sensorsbroken 5y ago
User morpheos137 clarified the reality I was denying: the problem is me and that the world is better off without me. I will try to finish suicide now and do the gene pool a favor. Thanks.
- morpheos137 5y ago
  Please do not distort what I said. I said seek help. Why are you still ranting on hackernews instead of seeking help. Your problem is your problem.
  - sensorsbroken 5y ago
    You literally said the gene pool is better off without me. Do you believe that your comments are in any way helping? Possible that your comments are harmful?
    - morpheos137 5y ago
      No I didn't. What I said was seek help or GTFO. If you would rather GTFO of life than seek help that is your choice not my choice. At least GTFO of hackernews because clearly being here is not helping you. In the final analysis nobody is going to save you by keyboard. If you want to be saved that is your responsibility not some anonymous stranger's who does not even know if you are trolling or seeking attention or whatever.
      - sensorsbroken 5y ago
        I dont want to be saved I want to raise awareness about the extent of malice that is going on with silicon valley properties and how that's crossed over into real life. Reddit only exists due to ycombinator.

slosh 5y ago

I don't want you to do that.

LatteLazy 5y ago

I think you should stay off reddit (it helped my mood). I hope you get some help, but I'm not doing great either so I think I understand. All the best mate :)

deleted 5y ago
[deleted]

frnkng 5y ago

I know: it hurts, to see and feel all that. It really hurts. All the time. BUT: It is pointless to go. Who shall prevent all the madness from happening when all sane people are gone? The world needs those people who go against wrong doers of all kinds.

deleted 5y ago
[deleted]

rvz 5y ago

Maybe you should close all your accounts on all social media and stay away from social media for a while. Social media sites like Reddit, and Twitter are designed to cause outrage.

deleted 5y ago
[deleted]

readflaggedcomm 5y ago

Those are some inflammatory accusations.

sensorsbroken 5y ago
Indeed they are, indeed they are. Yet, true.
- sensorsbroken 5y ago
  four reddit incidents total #1 2009 #2 2014 #3 2014 #4 2018 #4 was a celebration of sorts
  - readflaggedcomm 5y ago
    I'd be interested in reading about this some place where you won't be silenced. I'm amazed you can post so many comments without being throttled, like I am. Don't let these scummy sites destroy you.
sensorsbroken 5y ago
lots of people have been targeted and stalked using reddit. is is really inflammatory? as for putin worship, anyone who used the site back then remembers how fond reddit users were of him.
- readflaggedcomm 5y ago
  But all those people are banned and shadow-banned now.
- morpheos137 5y ago
  Putin seems to be a great leader for many Russians. Assuming you are not Russian why do you take people liking Putin as a personal effront. Such is delusion. Even if you are a Russian isn't there far more to life than who your president is? Get a grip. Your thinking is disordered. It is a sickness to be so pre-occupied to the point of suicidal despair with the status of a politician on an internet message board. What's more is in my experience having spent a lot of time on Reddit in 2018 and 2019 the vast majority of users in mainline subs were virulently anti Putin despite not even living in Russia. Seek help whoever you are. Suicide is not the answer to thought disorder (these are text book paranoid schizophrenia symptoms btw).

mikebos 5y ago

Please talk to a real person. For America: 1-800-273-8255 For The Netherlands: 0800-0113 If you're in another country there is most likely a local equivalent. Please talk to someone!

morpheos137 5y ago

Terminal TDS? Delusion is strong with this one but he gets one thing right: Reddit is a pile of radioactive bullshit. That said there is far more to life than an internet message board. Please get immediate emergency psychiatric help. Good luck otherwise thanks for cleaning the genepool.

sensorsbroken 5y ago
You going to kill my three children off to "clean the genepool"? Watch your mouth, next time. The way you spoke to a person looking over the ledge of suicide is despicable and malicious, and someone ought to teach you a lesson.
- morpheos137 5y ago
  I am not responsible for your mental illness. I don't know you. You don't know me. The only connection between us is some text I wrote on the internet that orginated in my brain entered your brain. You don't need to let it influence you so much unless you can not help it due to a mental disability like paranoid schizophrenia. If you are mentally sick you should go to the doctor. What the hell do you have to lose? You are contemplating losing everything anyway.
  - sensorsbroken 5y ago
    Stop changing the subject. You said something about doing the gene pool a favor by finishing suicide. So, what about my three children? Also, you're making this decision process easier for me. Your comments seem to be a low key effort to nudge me to suicide. You're responsible for your comments. You keep bringing up the Putin worship thing in a fallacious context, you doubt my claim about being molested, and told me I'd do the gene pool a favor by committing suicide. You're acting in a highly malicious manner towards me, stranger.
  - sensorsbroken 5y ago
    Hi asshole, you're still engaging in an armchair diagosis. Answer my question, boy. Someone ought to shut your mouth.

sensorsbroken 5y ago

The user morpheos137 has reminded me of why I want off of this malicious scumbag ape planet. Good riddance. I haven't eaten in two days and ran out of drinking water today.

morpheos137 5y ago
Stop letting other people control your life.
- sensorsbroken 5y ago
  Bro, you need to do some serious re-evaluation. You just told me that I'd be doing the gene pool a favor by offing myself. My self worth is non existent and I'm suicidal and on edge. You're malicious, insensitive, and you deny my report about being a sexual assault victim, even going as far as to conflate that with your amateur perception of a serious mental illness. Do you have any idea what that's like trying to come forward about a serious sexual assault incident and being told that I might be imagining it? I'll tell you. It causes suicide, you lowlife troll. Go talk to military investigators on behalf of male on male sexual assault victims. You know what they do, scumbag? They choose suicide before reporting it, scumbag. It's a shameful tragedy that you will likely never know. Remember that next time before dropping your troll suicidal nudges. God damn mother fuck this ape species. dang, I'm out. So thankful to be almost gone off of this ape planet.
  - morpheos137 5y ago
    Listen carefully. (It should be easy for you to listen carefully since words on the internet affect you so much): Stop chatting online and go seek help for yourself. You say I am malicious. Ok then don't let me influence you. Seek professional help. It is up to you. Not me.
    - sensorsbroken 5y ago
      But, you said I'd be doing the gene pool a favor by committing suicide. Do you still believe that to be the case? Do you think your comments making an uninformed amateur diagnosis of a serious mental illness, telling me that I'd do the species a favor by killing myself, and denying the veracity of my sexual assault claim are in any way helpful to me, or somehow going to motivate me to "seek help"? ('seek help' is another perjorative) You seem intent on continuing to attack me with your snarky follow-up. Listen carefully. Provide follow-up comments to my comments about the male on male sexual assault incident I disclosed here.

underseacables 5y ago

I have a moral conflict with suicide. On the one hand, I think life is precious, and we should hold onto it and try to make the best of it as we can. I am agnostic, I don’t know what comes next, so I feel like I need to hang on and do the best I can here because it may be the only life I have. However, I am also very fiercely supportive of a person‘s right to self-determination. If someone is intent on ending their life, I will not stand in their way, nor should the government. Almost 40, I have a wife and children, I could never dream of leaving them and so no matter how bad things get, I’m always reminded that I have something better to live for. I cannot imagine what it’s like for someone who doesn’t have some thing or someone to live for, or something to look forward to an aspire to day after day. Nevertheless, life is what you make it, and it is your life to live or end.

sensorsbroken 5y ago

User morpheos137 clarified the reality I was denying: the problem is me and that the world is better off without me. I will try to finish suicide now and do the gene pool a favor. Thanks.

morpheos137 5y ago
Please do not distort what I said. I said seek help. Why are you still ranting on hackernews instead of seeking help. Your problem is your problem.
- sensorsbroken 5y ago
  You literally said the gene pool is better off without me. Do you believe that your comments are in any way helping? Possible that your comments are harmful?
  - morpheos137 5y ago
    No I didn't. What I said was seek help or GTFO. If you would rather GTFO of life than seek help that is your choice not my choice. At least GTFO of hackernews because clearly being here is not helping you. In the final analysis nobody is going to save you by keyboard. If you want to be saved that is your responsibility not some anonymous stranger's who does not even know if you are trolling or seeking attention or whatever.
    - sensorsbroken 5y ago
      I dont want to be saved I want to raise awareness about the extent of malice that is going on with silicon valley properties and how that's crossed over into real life. Reddit only exists due to ycombinator.