4 ms·

Thanks! To me it sounds like a TON of effort, a HUGE change for a very long time - for an ego thing. Now if, say, my wife wanted to handle 90% of the work, wit

Thanks! To me it sounds like a TON of effort, a HUGE change for a very long time - for an ego thing. Now if, say, my wife wanted to handle 90% of the work, with me primarily responsible for breadwinning and little else - a 'traditional' family - I could understand making such a big decision on what looks to me as very weak reasoning. Because then it wouldn't even be THAT big a decision to me anymore, as MY life would not be changing all that much. But assuming a true 50/50 split in responsibilities? And wife feeling the same about all these things as I do? To me, much much stronger reasons are required than what motivated you, as you would be changing your life completely, with no going back, committing for a very long time. Not to mention the HUGE financial commitment (say goodbye to financial independence and therefore being able to do independent research/projects in the future). And that's the best case scenario of healthy, not-too-unreasonable children.

necovek 5y ago
You've quickly become judgemental — which suggests that your question was not really honest, but rather argumentative, looking for support of your position — just saying how it appears! ;-) People do a lot of things I consider "romantic": fighting for freedom, fairness, human rights... They only benefit them in the long run, and many not even benefit from them directly. I've done my share as well. It's the same with kids. You asked about reasons to decide to have them, not about what I am getting out of it (you were very explicit in responses to others about how you didn't care about how they decided on "when", for example). I fully expected that I will develop relationship with my kids that will overcome everything, and so far I have! Which is why I was willing to dive into the huge time, money and effort investment after the initial reasons! But it was not the reason to have them. You are perfectly allowed to spend the same effort on building relationship with others, and it might or might not (I have no idea) get you the same satisfaction I get from interacting with my kids.
- agent008t 5y ago
  Yes, I was concerned I would come across that way - sorry if I did, just a reflection of the arguments I have with myself :) Thank you for your replies and hope it all goes well for you!
  - necovek 5y ago
    To further clarify, the "ego" thing was a bit overstressed — my point is that I was hoping to bring better-than-average human beings into this planet, and "my ego" is my explanation for why I believe they'd be better-than-average.

necovek 5y ago

You've quickly become judgemental — which suggests that your question was not really honest, but rather argumentative, looking for support of your position — just saying how it appears! ;-) People do a lot of things I consider "romantic": fighting for freedom, fairness, human rights... They only benefit them in the long run, and many not even benefit from them directly. I've done my share as well. It's the same with kids. You asked about reasons to decide to have them, not about what I am getting out of it (you were very explicit in responses to others about how you didn't care about how they decided on "when", for example). I fully expected that I will develop relationship with my kids that will overcome everything, and so far I have! Which is why I was willing to dive into the huge time, money and effort investment after the initial reasons! But it was not the reason to have them. You are perfectly allowed to spend the same effort on building relationship with others, and it might or might not (I have no idea) get you the same satisfaction I get from interacting with my kids.

agent008t 5y ago
Yes, I was concerned I would come across that way - sorry if I did, just a reflection of the arguments I have with myself :) Thank you for your replies and hope it all goes well for you!
- necovek 5y ago
  To further clarify, the "ego" thing was a bit overstressed — my point is that I was hoping to bring better-than-average human beings into this planet, and "my ego" is my explanation for why I believe they'd be better-than-average.