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Unfortunately, I've been burnt out too many times now, for too long. Every job now ends in burn out and takes 6+ months to recover from before I can start looki

Unfortunately, I've been burnt out too many times now, for too long. Every job now ends in burn out and takes 6+ months to recover from before I can start looking for another job. This time, however, feels different - it never felt insurmountable like this before. I can't work on my own stuff, can't level up my skills, not sure how to get back to that. I suspect that my situation is likely common among aging coders and might contribute to a lot of what is otherwise attributed to ageism. I can no longer pretend that the kind of work open to me is going lead to anything but more suffering, and I feel like this results in increasing interview anxiety.

f38zf5vdt 5y ago
So stop coding, or put yourself out to pasture at a low intensity coding gig. I came from a family of engineers and I watched my dad work himself to death at the expense of virtually everything else in life. One day he up and died, and that was the end of it. Most of his projects are no longer applicable or noteworthy. Life is the process of taking a daily step towards death every day. In 100 years, no one is going to remember us. Even the man rich enough to prolong their life can only make their path longer, but we all get there in the end. Just find things you can enjoy and do them. Everything else is wasted time.
- amatecha 5y ago
  Thank you for the reminder. It's hard to see the reality with such clarity, sometimes. <3
- XorNot 5y ago
  As someone who's considered this idea, the problem I wind up with is "but people still want 8 hours of my time per day". If people are laying claim to that, then I want to be compensated as highly as possible for it. Try as you might, it's very hard to get rid of one of those 8 hour blocks, and make time for yourself, while retaining that daily/hourly rate.
  - tharkun__ 5y ago
    Depends on the hourly/daily rate if you ask me. Are you hooked on that quarter million per year at a FAANG (or on getting there)? Yes you will probably have a hard time getting rid of those 8 hour blocks. Get a 'normal' job at a normal enough company? You can probably do a comfortable version of the 8 hour blocks that you enjoy, which sometimes are 9 or 10 hour blocks and sometimes 6 or 7 hour blocks or an afternoon off. Personally I love the pandemic WFH. It's been possible to do flexible time arrangements without the 'bad feeling' you have when you leave the office early, while everyone else stays. People are in different timezones anyway now, asynchronous communication for many things is normal etc. YMMV as always, like that WP article that is also currently up here on HN.
quacked 5y ago
Why not work a service job for a while? There's no delayed gratification in bartending or waiting tables. Show up, clock in, serve drinks, go home. It's not easy, but the success conditions are clear, and when you're done you can completely forget about it until it's time to go in again.
- epicureanideal 5y ago
  I imagine that in comparison to the income from software engineering that would just feel like a waste of time.
  - _carbyau_ 5y ago
    The main issues from the person comments don't seem to revolve around money. And doing nothing won't make any money. This is not something you have to do for the rest of your life. But the point is to do something, anything to avoid sinking into the swamp. Visible goals that you can mentally pick up and put down with some human interaction thrown in, might help. Only one way to find out.
    - stryker7001 5y ago
      this is what I don't get about this site. The world is software. you can code anything. and yet the majority of people sit around and complain. Its no wonder that you all are burnt out and bitter. The best is when people complain about tracking software, or windows telemetry. Software engineers wrote it! they are you're own people. its not a business guy that wrote the code. you're all weak!
      - michaelgrafl 5y ago
        The world is not software. That's a silly catchphrase. You can't code meaning, joy, health, or good company into someone's life. Software won't provide company and solace to a dying patient or make you feel blissed out when having sex. It can't give you the pleasure of talking to your six year old child or getting into the mosh pit of an aggressive rock show. Software development is a nice profession with lots of benefits. But it's easy to spend too much time in solace and inside your head. And as a human we have needs that it won't be able to meet.
acscott 5y ago
I do not know your situation, but my observation is high-performance requires high-maintenance. Also, see this article: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/32056943/ https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/32056943/ Anything else I might suggest might sound like an advertisement, but apply your skills in software to what's required for your high-maintenance needs.
- stepbeek 5y ago
  I can't believe that I've never heard of the phrase "high-performance requires high-maintenance" before. I really like little aphorisms like this as a way to regulate behaviour. Thanks!
  - fragmede 5y ago
    I've previously heard it phrased "work hard, play hard", though that has a different feel to it.
stryker7001 5y ago
I feel bad for you. but eventually if you've failed 6 times, you have to look at yourself and understand what you're doing wrong. It actually sounds like you might have clinical depression, and that's not anything to take lightly. There is tons of help and support and if you want, I'd be happy to help.
- PavleMiha 5y ago
  I wouldn't say the fact that 6 startups that they worked on failed is their fault. A lot of startups fail.
spfzero 5y ago
Maybe try finding an open-source project you are interested in and contribute to it? It might energize you and let you re-connect with whatever you originally were looking for in a job. It might morph into a side-project, but either way its something you can keep going even while working at a regular job, and then the job might be less of a make-or-break proposition.

f38zf5vdt 5y ago

So stop coding, or put yourself out to pasture at a low intensity coding gig. I came from a family of engineers and I watched my dad work himself to death at the expense of virtually everything else in life. One day he up and died, and that was the end of it. Most of his projects are no longer applicable or noteworthy. Life is the process of taking a daily step towards death every day. In 100 years, no one is going to remember us. Even the man rich enough to prolong their life can only make their path longer, but we all get there in the end. Just find things you can enjoy and do them. Everything else is wasted time.

amatecha 5y ago
Thank you for the reminder. It's hard to see the reality with such clarity, sometimes. <3
XorNot 5y ago
As someone who's considered this idea, the problem I wind up with is "but people still want 8 hours of my time per day". If people are laying claim to that, then I want to be compensated as highly as possible for it. Try as you might, it's very hard to get rid of one of those 8 hour blocks, and make time for yourself, while retaining that daily/hourly rate.
- tharkun__ 5y ago
  Depends on the hourly/daily rate if you ask me. Are you hooked on that quarter million per year at a FAANG (or on getting there)? Yes you will probably have a hard time getting rid of those 8 hour blocks. Get a 'normal' job at a normal enough company? You can probably do a comfortable version of the 8 hour blocks that you enjoy, which sometimes are 9 or 10 hour blocks and sometimes 6 or 7 hour blocks or an afternoon off. Personally I love the pandemic WFH. It's been possible to do flexible time arrangements without the 'bad feeling' you have when you leave the office early, while everyone else stays. People are in different timezones anyway now, asynchronous communication for many things is normal etc. YMMV as always, like that WP article that is also currently up here on HN.

quacked 5y ago

Why not work a service job for a while? There's no delayed gratification in bartending or waiting tables. Show up, clock in, serve drinks, go home. It's not easy, but the success conditions are clear, and when you're done you can completely forget about it until it's time to go in again.

epicureanideal 5y ago
I imagine that in comparison to the income from software engineering that would just feel like a waste of time.
- _carbyau_ 5y ago
  The main issues from the person comments don't seem to revolve around money. And doing nothing won't make any money. This is not something you have to do for the rest of your life. But the point is to do something, anything to avoid sinking into the swamp. Visible goals that you can mentally pick up and put down with some human interaction thrown in, might help. Only one way to find out.
  - stryker7001 5y ago
    this is what I don't get about this site. The world is software. you can code anything. and yet the majority of people sit around and complain. Its no wonder that you all are burnt out and bitter. The best is when people complain about tracking software, or windows telemetry. Software engineers wrote it! they are you're own people. its not a business guy that wrote the code. you're all weak!
    - michaelgrafl 5y ago
      The world is not software. That's a silly catchphrase. You can't code meaning, joy, health, or good company into someone's life. Software won't provide company and solace to a dying patient or make you feel blissed out when having sex. It can't give you the pleasure of talking to your six year old child or getting into the mosh pit of an aggressive rock show. Software development is a nice profession with lots of benefits. But it's easy to spend too much time in solace and inside your head. And as a human we have needs that it won't be able to meet.

acscott 5y ago

I do not know your situation, but my observation is high-performance requires high-maintenance. Also, see this article: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/32056943/ https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/32056943/ Anything else I might suggest might sound like an advertisement, but apply your skills in software to what's required for your high-maintenance needs.

stepbeek 5y ago
I can't believe that I've never heard of the phrase "high-performance requires high-maintenance" before. I really like little aphorisms like this as a way to regulate behaviour. Thanks!
- fragmede 5y ago
  I've previously heard it phrased "work hard, play hard", though that has a different feel to it.

stryker7001 5y ago

I feel bad for you. but eventually if you've failed 6 times, you have to look at yourself and understand what you're doing wrong. It actually sounds like you might have clinical depression, and that's not anything to take lightly. There is tons of help and support and if you want, I'd be happy to help.

PavleMiha 5y ago
I wouldn't say the fact that 6 startups that they worked on failed is their fault. A lot of startups fail.

spfzero 5y ago

Maybe try finding an open-source project you are interested in and contribute to it? It might energize you and let you re-connect with whatever you originally were looking for in a job. It might morph into a side-project, but either way its something you can keep going even while working at a regular job, and then the job might be less of a make-or-break proposition.