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> I can hardly sit through an entire two-hour movie or play a video game without feeling like I should be doing something else. One summer we rented a beach h

> I can hardly sit through an entire two-hour movie or play a video game without feeling like I should be doing something else. One summer we rented a beach house, I had delusions of lazing on the beach under a big umbrella, drinks, books, dogs, netflix, music, a endless orgy of entertainment and sunny weather. I went stir-crazy in about half a day, there's only so much lazing about I can do, after 2 movies I thought meh, I'm wasting this day. I envy the people who say they're going on vacation and do nothing for a week, two weeks even. I can't seem to do that, and I don't know whether that's something intrinsic to who I am, or that's a toxic thought pattern I need to get rid of. When I'm back at home and at work I am so busy I have a tendency say "I wish I had some more time to unwind" a lot. At the present, I'm trying to have focused and purposeful idle time. With intent, sit through a movie, read something, play a game, whatever, for a chunk of time, or deliberately do nothing at all. The last one is very hard for me, I don't think I've managed 15 minutes of it.

heavenlyblue 5y ago
Why sitting through a movie is a bad thing? Have you tried watching some “harder” movies? Maybe you’re just bored with the specific movies you are watching. I for example know that I have a very specific love for sci-fi genre; but unfortunately a lot of sci-fi is basically trash with good CGI and I can’t help myself but think that I am wasting my time when I watch stuff in that comfort zone. However there’s a lot to film that is quite hard to watch. Maybe of the recents Almodovar comes to my mind. It’s engaging and very unique.
- pdimitar 5y ago
  Severely off-topic to the OP but have you tried watching "Battlestar Galactica" in full? (The remake from the 2004+, not the original -- tried the original and didn't like it at all.) I mean, you don't get much CGI there but the premise is extremely realistic and the actors are absolutely brilliant. Plus, you'll get to cry, a lot, during the long series finale.
  - tomrod 5y ago
    Or Downton Abbey, or ST:TNG, or... Lots of great shows out there to just enjoy.
  - goatlover 5y ago
    Or The Expanse, if you want realistic space battles and what our potential future might look like if we do colonize the solar system.
  - uxcolumbo 5y ago
    Star Trek Deep Space Nine. One of the best. Avoid the newer ones like Discovery and Picard... utter trash and not Star Trek at all, thanks to Alan Kurtzman.
  - gfxgirl 5y ago
    Seriously? The "and they have a plan" which turns out they have no plan and it's just Androids that find religion?
    - pdimitar 5y ago
      Yeah, that part was a bit weak and not well explained but it was IMO a natural evolution for thinking and feeling beings. I agree it could have been shown better and more gradual -- it was kind of sudden in the series and that's one of the valid negative remarks towards it. 90% of everything else was IMO top notch.
- devchix 5y ago
  A reasonable question. But, it's very hard to watch a "serious" movie or read a "serious" book while at the beach. There's a reason why there exists a genre called "beach reads". I am not going to watch Almodovar or Bunuel or Bergman or Aronofsky or Inarritu on the beach. I can't watch trashy movies either, but my tolerance for them is more flexible at the beach.
- WalterSear 5y ago
  It's a moving target. At first I wouldn't sit through genuinely asinine popular media, like 'Friends'. This is not unhealthy: most of it is shit. But over time, I've found that I can't sit through anything that isn't utterly engaging. My SO used to joke that I 'hated everything' until that started to make me feel bad. Paying attention to anything that isn't doesn't at least appear to be addressing existential dread has lost all flavour. I'm not sure what the solution is. Before anyone suggests it, it's clear that I'm dealing with clinical depression, but medical help has been of limited benefit. Therapists don't seem to be familiar with the situation that is being described by posters here, don't have tools to suggest. I suspect that it's not so widespread a phenomenon outside of knowledge work.
  - treme 5y ago
    if you've already exhausted traditional routes, perhaps give psychedelics a chance.
    - WalterSear 5y ago
      Psilocybin results in profound sadness for me, that lasts for days. Microdoses, macrodoses - it just varies the intensity/duration of the dysphoria. NMDA antagonists were an amazing find. A ketamine prescription allowed me to function at all for the last few years, until I started to develop bladder pain and had to discontinue it. I've recently experimented with nitrous oxide, but hasn't turned out to be feasible. LSD, I can't source. Given my experiences with Psilocybin, I haven't tried very hard. The further out stuff, such as salvia divinorum, is so under examined as to be utterly speculative. Can't say it had much of an effect, either. I've also used induced hyperthermia, which has a minor effect on my mood. The effect is also of very short duration.
      - ska 5y ago
        Question: how much time do you typically spend outside in something approximating "natural" surroundings? Worked wonders for friend, is why I ask.
d0m3 5y ago
Going on vacation doesn't mean doing nothing. Like you I don't understand how/why people do this. I think it's about doing something different. Travel, visit, explore, camp, hike, do sport, meet new people, share that with family/friends or not.
- folkrav 5y ago
  > Like you I don't understand how/why people do this. I think it's about doing something different. You raised the question and answered it in two sentences. This is exactly why some people are able to take a complete break and "do nothing" - their daily life is already filled to the brim with work, family, kids, etc, that when they get on vacation, what actually feels different is doing "nothing".
  - d0m3 5y ago
    Fair point. I believe I manage to save enough time of "doing nothing" in my daily life (although it might feel uncomfortable sometimes as others pointed out in the thread) that I don't need that during vacation. I see it as an opportunity to do things I don't have time/energy to do otherwise.
    - folkrav 5y ago
      Fair enough too. In my case I tend to go for 50/50 - I take about half my vacation days to literally "do nothing" (meaning catching up on games I missed since my son was born by lack of time, waking up late(r), watching movies and series, etc) and the other half as a family getaway, bringing my son to new places, trying out new things together.
- _carbyau_ 5y ago
  For me it is about the approach. I like to plan very little. Plan something, but not very much. Holiday goals, simply to have somewhere to go. They don't matter if you don't do them. As you get to that goal, you take time to look around, maybe duck into a place here, do an activity over there. Or maybe not, and simply let life roll on by as you stroll to your destination. I have gone hot air ballooning, day hiking, snorkelling with turtles. Wander over, have a chat, book it in for the next day or two. It is then the goal for that day and might lead to something else. For me having a list of "places to be, things to do" means I have to be switched on, getting there and doing that, and if I don't then I have failed. Holidays is noFail time. Allow serendipity to take charge.
necrotic_comp 5y ago
What works for me is, in advance, saying that I will be doing X thing for 10 minutes, an hour, or whatever. Even when I'm waiting for something, I'll say: "I will leave in 5 minutes" and set an alarm, knowing and trusting that I will leave and I can relax until then. I know it sounds paradoxical, but it helps for me to schedule both creativity and relaxing time since I know for those times that I'll be able to do be purposeful about my relaxing or making.
wfme 5y ago
I had a very similar experience a few years ago after travelling to Rarotonga for a holiday. There was little reception for mobile data without a new sim - this turned out to be an absolute blessing. The first day or so was easy, but the next few were restless. We had explored the island, snorkelled, swam in the pool, and tried lots of the local food. We had run out of things to do. The funny thing is, it took there being nothing to do, no phone to idly turn to, to truly start to unwind and relax. I didn't initially realise it at the time, but my body and mind had been in this constant state of stress. After pushing through that initial restlessness and that constant need to be actively doing or reading about something productive, my whole body began to feel noticeably more relaxed. The invisible state of constant stress was finally parting. Waking up later than usual, grabbing some tropical fruits and enjoying them around the pool with a light fictional book at the ready started to feel more natural and enjoyable. It started to feel like I could truly enjoy doing "nothing" and just bathe in the relaxation. After returning home, there were many noticeable improvements to my creative thinking, productivity, and my general feeling of wellbeing. My take away from this experience is that it is so incredible difficult to fully disconnect from day-to-day life when your phone can provide constant access to information. It's oh so easy to go on holiday but still turn to your phone and hn or reddit when idle. I highly highly recommend taking a holiday either without your phone, or without any easy access to the internet.
markus_zhang 5y ago
I have the same feeling, out of the fact that I have not achieved anything I want in my life so far and I can't adjust my targets according to my shortcomings. Everytime I take a vacation I feel bored from the 2nd or 3rd day and want to _do something_. Maybe I can indulge myself in one night of games/movies but the second night I'd definitely feel very uneasy. And frankly the older I am, the stronger the feeling is. I want to tell myself that OK this guy can achieve _nothing_ I want in his life and he is almost 40 so maybe relax, but I don't listen to myself.
- stryker7001 5y ago
  maybe its time to be honest with yourself. you don't have the drive to achieve something big. you watch movies as your big night to relax. do something better. who feels accomplished after watching a movie. cmon. the amount of people on this site that lie to themselves is too much.
  - markus_zhang 5y ago
    I wish I could do so because I really want to go over those 4-500 games in my backlog and stream them for fun. It's an impulse that I can't control.

heavenlyblue 5y ago

Why sitting through a movie is a bad thing? Have you tried watching some “harder” movies? Maybe you’re just bored with the specific movies you are watching. I for example know that I have a very specific love for sci-fi genre; but unfortunately a lot of sci-fi is basically trash with good CGI and I can’t help myself but think that I am wasting my time when I watch stuff in that comfort zone. However there’s a lot to film that is quite hard to watch. Maybe of the recents Almodovar comes to my mind. It’s engaging and very unique.

pdimitar 5y ago
Severely off-topic to the OP but have you tried watching "Battlestar Galactica" in full? (The remake from the 2004+, not the original -- tried the original and didn't like it at all.) I mean, you don't get much CGI there but the premise is extremely realistic and the actors are absolutely brilliant. Plus, you'll get to cry, a lot, during the long series finale.
- tomrod 5y ago
  Or Downton Abbey, or ST:TNG, or... Lots of great shows out there to just enjoy.
- goatlover 5y ago
  Or The Expanse, if you want realistic space battles and what our potential future might look like if we do colonize the solar system.
- uxcolumbo 5y ago
  Star Trek Deep Space Nine. One of the best. Avoid the newer ones like Discovery and Picard... utter trash and not Star Trek at all, thanks to Alan Kurtzman.
- gfxgirl 5y ago
  Seriously? The "and they have a plan" which turns out they have no plan and it's just Androids that find religion?
  - pdimitar 5y ago
    Yeah, that part was a bit weak and not well explained but it was IMO a natural evolution for thinking and feeling beings. I agree it could have been shown better and more gradual -- it was kind of sudden in the series and that's one of the valid negative remarks towards it. 90% of everything else was IMO top notch.
devchix 5y ago
A reasonable question. But, it's very hard to watch a "serious" movie or read a "serious" book while at the beach. There's a reason why there exists a genre called "beach reads". I am not going to watch Almodovar or Bunuel or Bergman or Aronofsky or Inarritu on the beach. I can't watch trashy movies either, but my tolerance for them is more flexible at the beach.
WalterSear 5y ago
It's a moving target. At first I wouldn't sit through genuinely asinine popular media, like 'Friends'. This is not unhealthy: most of it is shit. But over time, I've found that I can't sit through anything that isn't utterly engaging. My SO used to joke that I 'hated everything' until that started to make me feel bad. Paying attention to anything that isn't doesn't at least appear to be addressing existential dread has lost all flavour. I'm not sure what the solution is. Before anyone suggests it, it's clear that I'm dealing with clinical depression, but medical help has been of limited benefit. Therapists don't seem to be familiar with the situation that is being described by posters here, don't have tools to suggest. I suspect that it's not so widespread a phenomenon outside of knowledge work.
- treme 5y ago
  if you've already exhausted traditional routes, perhaps give psychedelics a chance.
  - WalterSear 5y ago
    Psilocybin results in profound sadness for me, that lasts for days. Microdoses, macrodoses - it just varies the intensity/duration of the dysphoria. NMDA antagonists were an amazing find. A ketamine prescription allowed me to function at all for the last few years, until I started to develop bladder pain and had to discontinue it. I've recently experimented with nitrous oxide, but hasn't turned out to be feasible. LSD, I can't source. Given my experiences with Psilocybin, I haven't tried very hard. The further out stuff, such as salvia divinorum, is so under examined as to be utterly speculative. Can't say it had much of an effect, either. I've also used induced hyperthermia, which has a minor effect on my mood. The effect is also of very short duration.
    - ska 5y ago
      Question: how much time do you typically spend outside in something approximating "natural" surroundings? Worked wonders for friend, is why I ask.

d0m3 5y ago

Going on vacation doesn't mean doing nothing. Like you I don't understand how/why people do this. I think it's about doing something different. Travel, visit, explore, camp, hike, do sport, meet new people, share that with family/friends or not.

folkrav 5y ago
> Like you I don't understand how/why people do this. I think it's about doing something different. You raised the question and answered it in two sentences. This is exactly why some people are able to take a complete break and "do nothing" - their daily life is already filled to the brim with work, family, kids, etc, that when they get on vacation, what actually feels different is doing "nothing".
- d0m3 5y ago
  Fair point. I believe I manage to save enough time of "doing nothing" in my daily life (although it might feel uncomfortable sometimes as others pointed out in the thread) that I don't need that during vacation. I see it as an opportunity to do things I don't have time/energy to do otherwise.
  - folkrav 5y ago
    Fair enough too. In my case I tend to go for 50/50 - I take about half my vacation days to literally "do nothing" (meaning catching up on games I missed since my son was born by lack of time, waking up late(r), watching movies and series, etc) and the other half as a family getaway, bringing my son to new places, trying out new things together.
_carbyau_ 5y ago
For me it is about the approach. I like to plan very little. Plan something, but not very much. Holiday goals, simply to have somewhere to go. They don't matter if you don't do them. As you get to that goal, you take time to look around, maybe duck into a place here, do an activity over there. Or maybe not, and simply let life roll on by as you stroll to your destination. I have gone hot air ballooning, day hiking, snorkelling with turtles. Wander over, have a chat, book it in for the next day or two. It is then the goal for that day and might lead to something else. For me having a list of "places to be, things to do" means I have to be switched on, getting there and doing that, and if I don't then I have failed. Holidays is noFail time. Allow serendipity to take charge.

necrotic_comp 5y ago

What works for me is, in advance, saying that I will be doing X thing for 10 minutes, an hour, or whatever. Even when I'm waiting for something, I'll say: "I will leave in 5 minutes" and set an alarm, knowing and trusting that I will leave and I can relax until then. I know it sounds paradoxical, but it helps for me to schedule both creativity and relaxing time since I know for those times that I'll be able to do be purposeful about my relaxing or making.

wfme 5y ago

I had a very similar experience a few years ago after travelling to Rarotonga for a holiday. There was little reception for mobile data without a new sim - this turned out to be an absolute blessing. The first day or so was easy, but the next few were restless. We had explored the island, snorkelled, swam in the pool, and tried lots of the local food. We had run out of things to do. The funny thing is, it took there being nothing to do, no phone to idly turn to, to truly start to unwind and relax. I didn't initially realise it at the time, but my body and mind had been in this constant state of stress. After pushing through that initial restlessness and that constant need to be actively doing or reading about something productive, my whole body began to feel noticeably more relaxed. The invisible state of constant stress was finally parting. Waking up later than usual, grabbing some tropical fruits and enjoying them around the pool with a light fictional book at the ready started to feel more natural and enjoyable. It started to feel like I could truly enjoy doing "nothing" and just bathe in the relaxation. After returning home, there were many noticeable improvements to my creative thinking, productivity, and my general feeling of wellbeing. My take away from this experience is that it is so incredible difficult to fully disconnect from day-to-day life when your phone can provide constant access to information. It's oh so easy to go on holiday but still turn to your phone and hn or reddit when idle. I highly highly recommend taking a holiday either without your phone, or without any easy access to the internet.

markus_zhang 5y ago

I have the same feeling, out of the fact that I have not achieved anything I want in my life so far and I can't adjust my targets according to my shortcomings. Everytime I take a vacation I feel bored from the 2nd or 3rd day and want to _do something_. Maybe I can indulge myself in one night of games/movies but the second night I'd definitely feel very uneasy. And frankly the older I am, the stronger the feeling is. I want to tell myself that OK this guy can achieve _nothing_ I want in his life and he is almost 40 so maybe relax, but I don't listen to myself.

stryker7001 5y ago
maybe its time to be honest with yourself. you don't have the drive to achieve something big. you watch movies as your big night to relax. do something better. who feels accomplished after watching a movie. cmon. the amount of people on this site that lie to themselves is too much.
- markus_zhang 5y ago
  I wish I could do so because I really want to go over those 4-500 games in my backlog and stream them for fun. It's an impulse that I can't control.