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I want them to do this similar analysis on any shows of force, even not for particular anger filled situations. For example, I have triplets, and sometimes the

I want them to do this similar analysis on any shows of force, even not for particular anger filled situations. For example, I have triplets, and sometimes the only way to accomplish what’s necessary at the local maximum of time and other infants benefit and parental benefit is to physically force a squirming baby into the diaper changing table. Is this along the same lines as spanking? Is there any mitigation of those behavior impacts by explaining why I’m physically forcing something? As always with parenting, lots of questions and basically no answers.

anoncake 5y ago
There is a difference between physically forcing something and inflicting pain for pain's sake.
Johnjonjoan 5y ago
I think there's certainly a difference. With spanking you are trying to affect the thought processes that lead to bad behaviour (condition them) with violence. Implicitly showing the child it's ok to use violence to get what you want. Cue tantrums, destructive tendencies, etc. In your case you are using force (which isn't the same as violence) to achieve something. Your showing the child some things must be done whether they like it or not. I do believe you should always explain your actions in these kind of situations because children are rational but not nuanced. You have to be much more explicit with them so they learn to understand the implicit.
- johnkpaul 5y ago
  Yeah that makes sense. I always explain and try my best to give them some amount of time to agree to it without physical force. As they grow older, I expect this to become less necessary and for them to know that I have no actual _desire_ to hurt them at all.
dagw 5y ago
Is there any mitigation of those behavior impacts by explaining why I’m physically forcing something? I'd say the one big differentiator is pain. I'm assuming that you are using the minimal force necessary and doing your best to not intentionally cause pain. Striking a child is done with the sole intention of causing pain.

anoncake 5y ago

There is a difference between physically forcing something and inflicting pain for pain's sake.

Johnjonjoan 5y ago

I think there's certainly a difference. With spanking you are trying to affect the thought processes that lead to bad behaviour (condition them) with violence. Implicitly showing the child it's ok to use violence to get what you want. Cue tantrums, destructive tendencies, etc. In your case you are using force (which isn't the same as violence) to achieve something. Your showing the child some things must be done whether they like it or not. I do believe you should always explain your actions in these kind of situations because children are rational but not nuanced. You have to be much more explicit with them so they learn to understand the implicit.

johnkpaul 5y ago
Yeah that makes sense. I always explain and try my best to give them some amount of time to agree to it without physical force. As they grow older, I expect this to become less necessary and for them to know that I have no actual _desire_ to hurt them at all.

dagw 5y ago

Is there any mitigation of those behavior impacts by explaining why I’m physically forcing something? I'd say the one big differentiator is pain. I'm assuming that you are using the minimal force necessary and doing your best to not intentionally cause pain. Striking a child is done with the sole intention of causing pain.