3 ms·
It is tedious for me to have to remember friends and family's birthdays. I care about them, but I don't want to have the mental hassle of actually remembering t
by mrleinad 5y ago
It is tedious for me to have to remember friends and family's birthdays. I care about them, but I don't want to have the mental hassle of actually remembering that today is someone's birthday. So I have a calendar remind me of that.
Am I a bad friend because I do that? If not, why is it so different than texting someone because you haven't interacted with them for a while? Would it be better if instead of automatically texting them, it would "remind you" to text them and give you a text suggestion?
- npteljes 5y agoI think it has to do with the effort you put in. These things you do for the other person, shows the effort, and your intent behind it. An automated message is devoid of this. Maybe there was effort behind it, maybe there wasn't. So it's not much of a useful signal, in fact, it's the opposite: it signals that you don't care, because you don't put the effort in. I have a friend who feels a duty to keep up with others, in a way that to me feels forced. Therefore, when they ask me what's up, I'm reminded of this dutifulness, and it doesn't feel like a genuine human connection. To relate all this to your comment: I think a calendar is nice. You have to make an effort to get the dates, and note them one by one. And when the date comes, you make an effort to communicate. Now, compare this to my Facebook experience. Every year, tens of messages wishing me a happy birthday. Feels good, kinda. Last year, I quit Facebook some months before my birthday. The the day came, and I got exactly zero messages. Where did my friends go? Were the previous messages worth anything?