Decided to actively solve for this problem in late 30s after attending funerals where the guy had to use some of the funeral home staff as palbearers, and I dec

Decided to actively solve for this problem in late 30s after attending funerals where the guy had to use some of the funeral home staff as palbearers, and I decided it was important to me to finish being able to convene a party of 6. How? Joined a fraternal organization. It's the least fashionable or cool thing to do, and that's precisely what made it a good idea. It is a way to have something in common without a lot of baggage or overhead, and you get to see what other men are really like from every walk of life, at different stages of their lives. The organizations are what you make them, and bringing conditions and expectation goes as well as you expect. I say men because a lot of young guys these days are uncomfortable saying out loud that they are a man. Instead they say they are a "person," "an adult," a "guy," or a "dude." Nobody needs a deep philosophical explanation of it, but being able to self accept enough to say you are a man is exceptional these days. You can certainly be all those things, but if someone asked you point blank whether you were a good man, for many it's an uncomfortably direct question. I think this is the root of what makes male friendships hard, we've all become too neurotic and anxious. The org I joined doesn't have any answers to that (it's not unlike a theatre group), but just being around other guys and doing the work to keep the thing running gives you the tools to figure it out for yourself if that's your thing. I also think we've been given a bunch of substitute cognitively limiting tools to dodge the question, like saying we aren't bros or toxic masculine persons, or don't need to overcompensate because we're educated, etc. I think because many of us haven't been equipped with the tools to discern what it means to be a good one makes the whole thing intimidating. Anyway, in mine, I hang out with a wildly diverse group (whole spectrum of religion, sexuality, ethnicity, age, etc), and in having almost nothing in common, the equillibrium we manage to find gives you an idea of a common thread that we can find. It helps everyone recognize there is a way to meet almost anyone on the level. It's not for everyone, and that bar makes the other side of it really special. Partners are fine with it because it's good clean fun and knowing 20+ guys who will return your txts is pretty cool. I think the thing that turned me is I saw the quality of the criticisms on the internet of fraternal organizations and the list of who has historically been against them, and I figured if there was a team I could join, it would be the one those anti- people are against. The rules are that the organization can't recruit, so if you want to be the change, the opportunity is unlimited.