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as someone who struggled with this - my advice is pretty simple: "just say yes." Anytime anyone asks if you're interested in doing anything, just say yes. In my
by endisneigh 5y ago
as someone who struggled with this - my advice is pretty simple: "just say yes." Anytime anyone asks if you're interested in doing anything, just say yes. In my experience the problems sort of just resolved themselves. though this is much harder than it sounds. I used to be a huge flake because I'd always say no (for valid reasons, such as I just wasn't interested or wasn't really feeling the person that much), but saying yes and frequently being around someone (or a group) made some of the issues resolve themselves somehow.
Conversely, once you get past this my other advice would be "many to one" - hang out in groups frequently to massage things, and try to hang out with people by themselves as frequently as possible. as great as group hang outs are - it's just not the same as one-on-one. for one you're not as candid about things.
finally my last note would be: just because you see someone alot in a group does not mean you are friends. I cannot emphasize this enough. you must hang out with people in smaller groups, ideally one-on-one (this is not to say that people you hang out with in groups aren't your friends, tho).
- bootlooped 5y agoI agree. It only takes one or two nos before you stop getting asked.
- atatatat 5y ago(Unless you specifically ask people to keep asking you!)
- tarboreus 5y agoOnly goes so far. As a person who organizes things a lot and invites lots of people to things, you probably get three shots, max. One or two is more the norm.
- koheripbal 5y ago...which can sometimes be the goal. Life is too short to spend with people you don't respect.
- tarboreus 5y agoSure, if you already have a rich social life. Otherwise, yeah, spend some time with others.
- MeinBlutIstBlau 5y agoI will add to this. Don't just say yes or wait for people to ask. Go out and do stuff. Literally anything. Get skills or hobbies that involve other people. I know guitar. What did I do? Went to open mic night at a bar I liked. I've made some friends there now. Know what else I do? Check out other live music. Explore different restaurants. Make attempts to hang out with people even though I know I'll probably be rejected. How did I do it? I made every single faux pas in front of people. Made constant mistakes and errors to learn how to properly socialize myself. Guess what? It worked. It just took consistent effort and a resolve to get over the fact that I wouldn't always be an awkward person to every new person I met.
- Aboh33 5y agoMy experience living in a large Midwest Metro area is that I never see people outside certain activities. I used to play pickup soccer, these people would never join me in a programming meetup, or as a musician, non-musician friends are non-existent outside certain events. I attribute it to everybody living in different areas etc., but do tire at everything being so compartmentalized.
- Aboh33 5y agoAnyway, I'm currently planning on moving to a different area, maybe a city not so large, I think removing some of the option anxiety and transportation sprawl might help.
- Gustomaximus 5y agoAlso organise things yourself. Return dinner parties. Ask people to preferred activities and organise logistics.
- foobar33333 5y agoI found the best thing I did for friendships is moving to the city. Normally I would not do things because it was way too much work to visit people or have them visit me. Now its as simple as them walking back to my apt with me after work and playing games/drinking where it doesn't cost a fortune to have fun like a pub would. Our urban sprawl/car dependence is probably mostly responsible for the decline in friendships.
- packetlost 5y ago> Our urban sprawl/car dependence is probably mostly responsible for the decline in friendships. Maybe. I think this has its own set of problems, but I struggle to see a link between car dependence and friendships. I think social media and online games have contributed more to the decline of interpersonal relationships than car culture has.