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There's no friction in starting something you love to do. If you don't love talking to someone that you don't have to talk to, you shouldn't do it. You're putt

There's no friction in starting something you love to do. If you don't love talking to someone that you don't have to talk to, you shouldn't do it. You're putting them in the awkward position of having to converse with someone that they know doesn't want to converse with them. And yes, they'll know. The dryness of the sample messages is tip-off enough. Personally, I hate hearing from people like this -- not because I dislike them or they bore me, but because I'm not a sadist. I don't like the pain and boredom that I sense they're experiencing in trying to force themselves to talk to me out of duty. There are other ways to connect with people besides conversation. As the Fred Rogers song goes, "There are many ways to say I love you....There's the singing way....Cleaning up a room can say I love you; hanging up a coat before you're asked to do it; drawing special pictures on the holidays; and making plays." That will look different for an adult than a child, but the principle still applies.

fastball 5y ago
> There's no friction in starting something you love to do. That may be true for you; it's not true for everyone. Nobody in this thread who thinks this app might be useful has mentioned people they need speak to "out of duty". I feel like you are projecting how you operate on to everyone else and not actually listening to what they are saying. I'm sorry you have frequently experienced people that are clearly bored when talking to you. This is not something I have experienced much at all. What I have experienced is friends who lead busy lives and just don't get around to it because they have 10 other things on the docket. When eventually we do get around to talking (usually because of some trigger on either end), the conversations are enjoyable and we are glad to have them. But the idea that someone isn't "important" enough just because you're not consciously thinking about them rather than the many other important responsibilities in your life is one I find silly. We are busy people with a lot of things on our mind. At the same time, some people (clearly) would like a slightly more consistent system that causes them to talk to their friends than a random trigger on social media or what have you.
- brushfoot 5y ago
  > I'm sorry you have frequently experienced people that are clearly bored when talking to you. There's no need for the ad hominem. Again, the problem with this is not that it's scheduled, it's that it's canned. It's like training a robot to do foreplay. Is it that joyless that I have to let it kickstart the sex before I come into the room? Scheduling a reminder to talk is one thing. But sending a canned opener that I thought of another day and in another mood says that I don't have anything interesting or fun to share with the other person, and if I don't, why should I talk to them? It puts the onus on them.
jlokier 5y ago
> There's no friction in starting something you love to do. That's simply untrue in a lot of areas of life, perhaps most of them. Speaking for myself I often find it incredibly difficult to start the things I love doing the most once I've started. For many people it's especially hard to start conversations they love to have. There's a high "activation energy" to get over the hump - and it can take significant time as well, it's not just willpower and mood thing. Combine that intense activation energy hump with a busy, pressured life, and you get high friction for initating conversations with people they love keeping in touch with. Add "social forgetfulness" (call it focus if you like) where people don't think of their friends and other loved ones until prompted by a context, at which point they remember very fondly and want to keep in touch, but face a high activation energy hump during the moment that thought happens, and you have a recipe for people where social reminders can be helpful. Unfortunately it's the sort of tool some other people would use to maintain artificial conviviality, for example to keep up "business networking" and remain on prospects' radar. Fake friendships with a motivation. I suspect that's where some of the instinctive animosity to this kind of tool comes from. The "how long has it been since I talked with" reminder part of this tool is what some people have integrated into their brains by default, and others don't seem to. It doesn't mean the former brains love those they keep in touch with more. It probably means their internal scheduler and memory triggers work differently.
Bjartr 5y ago
> There's no friction in starting something you love to do. Man, if that's truly the experience of your life I envy you on an incredibly deep level. Struggling to start doing things I genuinely love to do has been a continual source of significant frustration throughout my life.

fastball 5y ago

> There's no friction in starting something you love to do. That may be true for you; it's not true for everyone. Nobody in this thread who thinks this app might be useful has mentioned people they need speak to "out of duty". I feel like you are projecting how you operate on to everyone else and not actually listening to what they are saying. I'm sorry you have frequently experienced people that are clearly bored when talking to you. This is not something I have experienced much at all. What I have experienced is friends who lead busy lives and just don't get around to it because they have 10 other things on the docket. When eventually we do get around to talking (usually because of some trigger on either end), the conversations are enjoyable and we are glad to have them. But the idea that someone isn't "important" enough just because you're not consciously thinking about them rather than the many other important responsibilities in your life is one I find silly. We are busy people with a lot of things on our mind. At the same time, some people (clearly) would like a slightly more consistent system that causes them to talk to their friends than a random trigger on social media or what have you.

brushfoot 5y ago
> I'm sorry you have frequently experienced people that are clearly bored when talking to you. There's no need for the ad hominem. Again, the problem with this is not that it's scheduled, it's that it's canned. It's like training a robot to do foreplay. Is it that joyless that I have to let it kickstart the sex before I come into the room? Scheduling a reminder to talk is one thing. But sending a canned opener that I thought of another day and in another mood says that I don't have anything interesting or fun to share with the other person, and if I don't, why should I talk to them? It puts the onus on them.

jlokier 5y ago

> There's no friction in starting something you love to do. That's simply untrue in a lot of areas of life, perhaps most of them. Speaking for myself I often find it incredibly difficult to start the things I love doing the most once I've started. For many people it's especially hard to start conversations they love to have. There's a high "activation energy" to get over the hump - and it can take significant time as well, it's not just willpower and mood thing. Combine that intense activation energy hump with a busy, pressured life, and you get high friction for initating conversations with people they love keeping in touch with. Add "social forgetfulness" (call it focus if you like) where people don't think of their friends and other loved ones until prompted by a context, at which point they remember very fondly and want to keep in touch, but face a high activation energy hump during the moment that thought happens, and you have a recipe for people where social reminders can be helpful. Unfortunately it's the sort of tool some other people would use to maintain artificial conviviality, for example to keep up "business networking" and remain on prospects' radar. Fake friendships with a motivation. I suspect that's where some of the instinctive animosity to this kind of tool comes from. The "how long has it been since I talked with" reminder part of this tool is what some people have integrated into their brains by default, and others don't seem to. It doesn't mean the former brains love those they keep in touch with more. It probably means their internal scheduler and memory triggers work differently.

Bjartr 5y ago

> There's no friction in starting something you love to do. Man, if that's truly the experience of your life I envy you on an incredibly deep level. Struggling to start doing things I genuinely love to do has been a continual source of significant frustration throughout my life.